I'm not coping too well with life

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Over the weekend I was at a revision seminar and it still makes me realise I’m not well. I don’t cope well with too much stimulation, whilst I was there I was in seminars from 9am to about 6pm, now I notice I cannot handle it when there is more than one person talking, for example; when I was checking in I was trying to listen to what the lady was telling me but the people next to me were talking and it’s like I dissociate for a bit, my brain just goes ‘nope’.

It happened in lectures too, I narrow it down to the fact staff don’t pose a threat to me but the other people I was with did, I was trying to listen to everything at once, my brain goes ‘they’re plotting something, I can’t trust them, they want to take my brain!’ I spent the weekend so piped up that when I got home and on Monday I felt so exhausted I felt nauseous… I’m still not recovered.

It’s put me on high alert. I’m noticing I’m trying to ignore the world as much as possible, I have an exam on the third I’ve just created my revision plan and am starting revising properly tomorrow.

My cpn also told me to look up more when I’m in town but all I get is signals from people and wind up following them or I have will power to not but it’s hard seeing them everywhere, I also keep thinking my neighbours are sending me messages through the music and tv shows they play at loud volume when I’m alone as they repeat the same songs etc.

The other thing is today I had a doctors appointment due to physical symptoms, I had to convince him it wasn’t my mental health, I felt quite hurt but stood up for myself, he tested my reflexes noted the were abnormal on my left side so concluded it must be physical thank god! So he’s referring me to a neurologist. I thought I’d be relieved because that’s what I expected… But it was like being whacked around the head, I felt the world descend on me. I feel threatened. I came home, closed all curtains and tried to sleep, when my mum rang I ignored her call until she rang for the third time in a row so I answered and pretended to be okay, she knew I wasn’t.

I don’t know what’s happening, I’m trying so hard to keep it together, and my strength is fading. Any tips on how to deal with any of this? I feel like I’m slipping. But I’m going through a lot of change, I’ve coped so far and I’m just feeling like I’m sinking now, I know when I start losing more sleep than usual I’m not well. Now I just wake to every day with dread. Sorry for how long this has been.

Hope you’re all coping as best as is possible, take care,
Meg.

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@Dante13

Please don’t apologize for the length of a post, have you seen some of my ponderings? :wink:

I’m really proud of you for recognizing and navigating all of those triggers. No wonder your tired. But the fact that you were able to slow down and say… “hey my brain needs to do this differently” is no easy task.

You and I do seem in the same place. There’s how we feel and then there’s how we reason it out. I FEEL people are also watching me and plotting. I THINK that’s part of the paranoia so I work to fight it.

You sound like you are doing the exact same thing. You are doing a lot… and getting down on yourself only makes it worst.

I love how you stood up for yourself at the physical. That is hard to do, and you did it. :thumbsup:

I know in your shoes… it feels so hard. But from what your writing, you have every right to be tired and a bit raw nerves, but you are doing really well with a lot of the healing process.

I have those days where I do too much and try really hard and then I end up feeling like I was put through a cheese grater and I’m hiding in bed, and just can’t pull it together any my head circus amps up. Then I call the doc and check if a slightly extra dose of med will help.

That’s the thing that I’m trying to balance. Somedays are good and easy and stress free and I sail through them. Some days are hard and too overwhelming and I need something extra to get out of bed the next day.

If you have a therapist to help you get over that sinking feeling of dread that might help. Or see if you need a boost for a bit in the med department. Or a bit of both. I usually need a bit of both. I’m having a hard week too so I’m going in for a “tune up” so to speak.

I am really proud of you for thinking all those triggers through and working around them. It feels rotten, but it’s a huge sign of growth. Be good to yourself, be patient with yourself… and here’s another hard thing to do… don’t be afraid to admit that some days are harder then others and you might need some extra help from a loved one.

Let your Mom know what you did and that you worked really hard on getting all this stuff done,… and now you need a little help. Let her help on your weak days and then let her see all the stuff you can do on your strong days. Be kind to yourself… you deserve a rest.

I’m rooting for you.

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@Dante13 I hope you feel better soon, I am sure things will get better for you - hang in there :sunny:

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hi dante you may have struggled with the seminar but you did it. you sound very stressed yoga relaxation anything that will calm you down might help. noisy neighbours are hell maybe you could make a complaint if its an on going problem its just not fair. tc

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know some one cares.
take care

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Change is stress - and stress is hard on everyone, and especially people who have schizophrenia. What many people here do when they are facing increased stress and are at risk of relapse is go tell their doctor and get a temporary adjustment in medications to help them deal with it, and also - if you have a therapist - talk with a therapist to think about ways that you can reduce stress in your life.

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Hi Dante~
You deserve a good rest. Stress is a killer for everyone. Don`t know if this helps, but when I get that bad, I say STOP! Meaning let everything go. J is right about your mom. If she is anything like me, she would love to help you through anything-just doing mom things—cooking, washing your clothes, cleaning…I hope you are feeling better soon XXXX

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Good for you for getting through it! Just a little longer before exams are over!
I can’t say anything above what @SurprisedJ has said, except do you have a comfort thing?
Something you do almost… I don’t know how to say it… not like a ritual… I don’t know.

What I do is I pair books with food. I find the taste of a certain food enhances the book. Kinda like pairing wine and cheese. I like those spicy kimche noodle bowls with “The Life of Pi”. “The Good Earth” is more of a rice with black beans book. It really only works for “routine books” books I read over and over for some reason. They aren’t the best books I own, but they are the ones I keep coming back to. Eating those foods with those books kinda gets me into a mindless zone. I don’t feel what the characters feel, I don’t feel what I feel, I guess I feel like a computer when someone inputs information. I feel like I’m learning. Even if it’s a fiction book, I’m still learning. New ideas, new turns of phrase.
Maybe something mindless like that?
Something I have come across recently that I find REALLY hypnotic is the cartoon “Space Dandy”. I zoned out on that so much I think I nearly started drooling.

Maybe if you get something to blank you out, you’ll come back feeling better. It sounds like T.V won’t do it for you. Try “The Good Earth”. It was written by a forgrin woman who lived in China (Pearl Buck). She puts her words together very oddly, but in a way I find strangely comforting. Kinda like a friend who’s first language isn’t a native English but they are fluent. You know what they are saying but they use some words in odd ways with a thick accent. You know they are different from you. But they are talking to you and somehow that is soothing.
Or lose yourself in funny stuff. I like childish, cartoon humor. Innocent things. Not the innuendo laden stuff. Despicable Me 2 is my favorite, King of the Hill is a very good show.
Or you can get the Dilbert comics (all of them) online. I recommend those to warm up or cool down though. They won’t shift you out of your head alone.

I will let you know though, I have ausburgers indicators as well as sza. I still recommend trying that stuff, but if it doesn’t work it probably isn’t you. It’s me.

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I have never thought to do this, and I read all the time. I love a good book. This is a cool new idea. Thank you.

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Thank you James, your replies always make so much sense! I think we must be at the same place, it’s good to be understood!

I saw my nurse yesterday who is like my therapist, but couldn’t talk much, don’t know why, he did a mindfulness exercise with me though which helped me relax a bit, i will do it again over this coming week. I’m seeing him in two weeks, a few days after my exam, maybe I’ll be able to talk more then.

Thank you for being proud of me, mum knows I’m not good, as at the docs appointment apparently I was very awkward and ‘out of it’ but could stand up for myself, I know it took a lot to do that. She’s on half term this week so maybe we can go out for coffee and have a chat, she’s away Thursday and Friday, I don’t like spending nights alone but don’t want to go with them so will probably just buy a good book to keep me distracted and have classical music on.

I’m taking it easy for the first few days of revision, just doing the reading with music on, I’m not getting hard core until about Tuesday and even then I’m not practicing exam papers so I’m pacing myself. Just can’t wait for it to be over!

Thank you again,
Take care,
Meg.

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I have thought about yoga, we have a yoga space in my town, I have pondered trying out a group! I do always get scared that yoga includes difficult positions? or are some types more Easy going?

Unfortunately, my neighbours are loud during acceptable hours and we can’t really say anything, we resent it but we’re going to get sound proofing, move into the room in the middle of the house and put doors up so hopefully we won’t hear them then! Thanks for the reply.

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@onceapoet these are some fab ideas! I will definitely give them a go and take you up on your recommendations! Your reply means a lot and I really appreciate you sharing your techniques :blush:, they sound ideal to me! I also love despicable me; minions rock! One of my favourites also is Disney’s ‘Brave’ but only because the theme is close to my heart and in a land I love!

@bridgecomet thank you, I think I’ll ask her out for a coffee at some point, she always says she’ll do anything to help, she helps me so much already, she’s my rock. I’ll try and fit in some good rests whilst I’m working.

@SzAdmin thank you for your reply, I’ll bear those things in mind if things get any worse, over the next week I’ll ring my nurse and see what he suggests.

@darksith and @Wave thank you for your kind words, they mean a lot!

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I used to have some easy and short yoga videos but I can’t find them now to give you the names. I find it easier to do in the privacy of my own home.

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Thank you! I’ll give these a try, I’ve been looking for ones like these for a while :sunny:!

Take care,
Meg.

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