Schizophrenia.com

The loneliness and panic are remaining

#1

My mum came home safely yesterday, however she’s been in a bad mood ever since and the loneliness and fear are still here. She had to go out today and my heart just sank. I know she’s not supposed to be here all the time and generally I’m okay being on my own but my main concern is something is going to happen, I’m getting obsessive over what might happen. I don’t feel safe going outside so when my mum goes out I don’t think it’s safe for her either. I have an exam on Tuesday and am wondering if this is contributing. I’m on the verge of collapse, I know once it’s over things are going to cave. I’m going to be on a high when it’s over then I will crash. I don’t know how to prevent the crash. Voices a doing back ground noise, shouting occasionally at one point I was alone the other night and it was like a crowd was in the house with me, I don’t really get that very often. I only picked out snip its.

I’m still getting disorientated at night and when I close my eyes; I’m being transported away, I’m sure of it, maybe I’m slowly dying.

I terrified of revision, I panic every time I have to do it. Yesterday I got a result for my last essay, it was my lowest score in my entire three years at uni he didn’t give much comment as to why it was so low, other than it didn’t provide evidence he wanted and that it didn’t make much sense, I was distraught, he gave me that mark a few days before the exam, I immediately shut down.

The forces are against me, I’m not going to make it out of this alive, or I will but they’ll take my mum and then I’ll die. I’m so fluctuating between realities, not wanting to be left alone is part of it. Right now there’s a spy with an infrared camera across the road, threatening me and putting thoughts in my head, violent thoughts of what they’ll do.

I terrified, I don’t give a damn about anything but I’m fighting to do revsion I just need this exam out of the way otherwise I’ll have to retake it and I don’t want to do it any material from this module ever again.

How do I get through the next few days? Any grounding tips will be appreciated… Breathing… Anything that helps you stay out of your head that bit longer? How do I stop the pounding in my chest?

Just anything, thank you for reading, take care,
Meg.

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#2

I think you hit the nail right on the head with this statement. Stress, as I personally know and am feeling at the moment myself, is a destabilizing contributor to SZ and other mental illnesses. Stress can do a lot of damage and make schizophrenic symptoms, like paranoia and fear flare up. I am sure that you will feel better when the pressure of the exam is over. In the meantime take care of yourself, and knowing what is your trigger, is half of the battle

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#3

You should talk to my kid sis because she fights off some very intense exam panic. She has very amazing grades, 17 and due to running start, nearly a sophomore in college. She studies all the time, but during big test and finals she’s crying and hyperventilating and she is so hard on herself. She thinks that to fail a test will derail her entire life and of course, derail mine as well.

She’ll start to revise for a test and then begin to cry. Of course she too does worse and worse as she revised, only adding to her panic more until she’s locked down and can’t even make coherent sentence and will cry in the bath for an hour or so. I usually have to take the books from her and we go walk around the park. When she’s walking around the park calming down, she can TELL me the answers. But sitting there… is panic time.

She’s in CBT for her anorexia and they are addressing the exam panic as well since it’s just getting worse and worse. The docs are thinking Xanax for her as well.

Don’t for see yourself crashing after the euphoric high of being done with the test. Before you go to the test, set up some nice relaxing stuff to come home to. Do it before you leave. That way your picturing completing the exam, not panicking about how you will do.

Picture it… you get home and the favorite food is already in the house, the favorite music is already cued up on the Ipod, the favorite tea or soda is already to be made and you can unwind and avoid a crash.

The first part of your post is more like Me. I’ve had times where I was sure it wasn’t safe outside for me or my sis. I’ve physically held onto her arm to keep her from going outside. When she asked what was out there, I heard myself say it… Kidnappers. Then I knew… I wasn’t being logical. I was letting paranoia rule me. I was slipping into my old kidnapper paranoia. There are something we just HAVE to trust. We have to trust that our family will come back.

Yes, I have a feeling your exam panic is amping up your head circus. Before the exam, is there a way you can tell your Mum that this exam is very important to you, but the exam anxiety is getting really hard to deal with and verging on a panic attack. People who are NOT Sz have exam panic attacks too.

Maybe also call the doc and see if you should up the med dose for this stressful time and then drop it back down when the stress is over. I’ve done that. Some weeks I have gotten by very comfortably on hardly any meds, some weeks I need extra. I just call the doc and ask, due to this, if I were to up my dose, what would be the highest I could go? Usually I have to call and ask the nurse and my doc will answer and I get a call back within 24 hours.

Exam panic is real and common and hard core. Be open about it and since a LOT of people understand exam anxiety, I bet you’ll get a lot of help on this one.

Good luck. I’m rooting for you as always… you know this.
You can always P.M. me and I know my sis is also open to P.M.'s too.

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#4

I am due for a driving exam in two weeks time and I understand how you feel. I am panicking for that day to come, I am ■■■■ scared.

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#5

Monitor Your Symptoms

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#6

You are ill. Tell yourself that you are suffering from symptoms of an illness. That is what I do when ■■■■ gets in my head.

You NEED MEDICATION the pounding heartbeat is a telltale sign of an anxiety disorder and you already know that you have schizophrenia. I only use the M-word once because some people refuse meds, whatever, they saved my life maybe the same will work for you.

Other than that, keep your mind out of your own head, being alone with your thoughts is unhealthy. Watch a TV show all the way through. Read a stimulating book. Workout. Watch lectures about schizophrenia online and take notes, Ive done that before. Here is the best lecture on the net about our ■■■■, get a pen and spiral ready and learn

I watched this entire course on youtube and took a spiral full of notes last summer when I was waiting for my meds to kick in. It did me a lot of good. I had a few torn muscles and was ordered to stay the ■■■■ out of the gym and sit on my ass for 2 whole months, so I did this and played challenging video games.

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#7

I used to get panic stricken every time something changed. I thought I had learned my surroundings enough to protect myself from harm.
Then something changed. Seems I couldn’t get out of the tunnel vision of “what if.” I started to think things past the initial “what if” and taught myself to list all my options in case the inevitable happened. Nothing I couldn’t handle has happened so far, and after all those years of hard worrying, I realized I wasted so much time thinking about what might (never) happen, that I forgot to actually enjoy life.
Now days, I’m just not interested in worrying about to many things even though because it never changes anything anyway. It’s kind of nice to have the attitude what ever happens will happen, and when it does, I will deal with it then.
It helps to look at the big picture and realize worrying takes place of living, but does nothing to prevent things from happening.

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