I know this person who is kind of stalking me, he’s a pill junkie. He got me to do heroin last year before his cousin died of a drug overdose. He told me that Heroin was like medicine. I stopped doing all that, and then yesterday he convinced me to do opiate pills with him. Right now I hate myself. I couldn’t just drop him off in the middle of nowhere, because he stalks and threatens me. But he also acts like my best friend. I spent all my money and now I’m at home hating myself. I slept all day yesterday and I was apathetic and I just wanted to go back to doing well. But what’s well? This passive smiling retard that’s overmedicated and trapped in a soul repressive stupor!!! I’m so sick of trying to be normal in a world that has rejected me in every sense of the word. Maybe I just don’t belong here.
Don’t strive to be normal,
Don’t strive to be what the world says you should be.
Strive to be yourself,
Strive to be what you say you should be.
The hardest thing I have had to learn over the years (albeit it is a lesson I am still learning in some ways) is to let go of the expectations of others – they will drive you mad. There is always going to be someone in the world who does not like you, and that is ok. There are many people who don’t like them either.
Also, learn to forgive yourself. Don’t hold such high standards for infallibility. Simply learn from your mistakes so you can be better prepared to not repeat them in the future. And your mistakes, are defined only by you.
The world says it is proper to eat with your right hand; but I being a little different prefer my left.
doing heroin one time is neither an unforgivable sin nor harm you a lot, stop communicating with this person and tell him that you will contact police( if you think this works) but becoming an addicted to drugs just sums up your problems, where I live there are many addicted around me( in my country we use mostly opiate) and they are trapped and the quality of their life has decreased, at the end I must say that you are important to us very much @StarryNight, we know you for a long time and see you as a kind person, talk to any any of us and you will see that we act like a friend cause we know that schizophrenics are far more good people than other normal people, warm our hearts with good news about disconnecting with this person .
I am just upset at myself. I don’t know how I fell for it. How I was able to be pulled into it again. It’s partly because I have very few friends, and I know I am often misunderstood.
I kept swearing to myself I was so much better, and that I wouldn’t fall into that trap again. But I didn’t know this person was still using drugs, and my ex warned me about him.
Don’t be so hard on yourself - Learn from the past and know that you have the power to change the present, for a better future
You don’t have to fit into normal. I don’t even try unless it’s acting normal in society, which often means being unable to express myself as i really want to.
It must be hard for a girl when someone is manipulating, even stalking and trying to convince you to do drugs. I can just say no. I can choose not to be around them. I remember when i first quit and some former 'friends" aka associates of mine laughed at me, tried to sell me drugs. then tried to give me drugs. When i refused they even said what if we held you down and forced you to take them? I said they could try…they didn’t. After that i was no longer their friend which tells me i was only their friend if i bought their drugs and got high with them…
But you do have ways to avoid this.
And, don’t get down on yourself over it. If I got down on myself every time I did or didn’t do something that led to problems I’d drive myself crazy. just learn from it: view it as a lesson.
I need someone to talk to. A true friend, relative, or professional.
I am not doing too well today. Mouse is psycho mouse right now. So I feel you. But dude, dont do drugs, ■■■■ that ■■■■. I used to hangout with dealers, they smoked with me and wanted to hire me as a bodyguard, ■■■■ that ■■■■, leave them to be criminals. Doesn’t mean they’re bad people, but theyre doing bad things. Guys like the guy you are taking about manipulate mentally ill people all of the time, and what do you know, you said you spent ALL of your money yesterday on drugs.
Dont let those ■■■■■■■ take advantage of you.
You do belong here, people like the guy who manipulated you don’t, he’s a criminal for a living, ■■■■ him. He belongs in jail. You deserve credit for living in a waking nightmare.
Don’t hate yourself, I am having a moderate relapse right now and I sort of hate life, but don’t hate yourself and don’t hurt yourself. I hate myself, thats a long story, dont be like me in that regard
Live to sleep tonight and wake up to a better day. ■■■■ everything else. When I became mentally ill, I learned very quickly that my survival was all that really mattered, even though my brain had betrayed me, it still for the most part didnt want to die.
I only wear red, white and black, they mean rage, survival and pain to me. It’s a little delusional, sure, its a quirk that my friends all notice but dont ever tease me about. Every day I wear black calve socks with a white skull and crossbones on each side. The white skull and crossbones means “not today. Im not dying today. Im surviving.”
I need to go get dressed. Im feeling ■■■■■■ up too so Its an all black day, but I only own those skull and crossbone socks, 5 pairs of them and no other socks, so every day I have to wear them, the white skull and crossbones mean “Im not dying”. I’ve tried to off myself, I tried to hang myself when I was out of booze one night when I was 19, I regretted trying, I felt embarrassed. I got my ego back and kept kicking life’s balls until it vomited out my first powerlifting achievement, the 1000lbs club, and a 3.5 for that semester. Now I’m just a tiny bit short of master rank (1160lbs) and I made a 4.0 this semester.
If you really feel suicidal, seek help. Call 911 and tell them youre a schizophrenic, they have officers who deal with us, ive ran into them multiple times. Aside from a crisis (Im not a Crisis Intervention Team officer) private message me if you like, I check on these forums at least twice a day.
I think we schizophrenics on this site should have more intimate relations, cause just we, can understand each other,we can be more close friends than now.
I relate to the feeling. I’ve been having a really hard couple of days, but today is the topper. I wish I had positive advice for you better than, “don’t hang out with that guy”. I don’t.
OMG mortimermouse, are u ok???
If you hang around people who do drugs frequently chances are you will be doing drugs too. And there is SOOO much crap that goes along with doing drugs. #1: it’s illegal. #2: it is expensive. #3: How many drug dealers are nice guys? #4 : using people and being used is par for the course. #5 : I don’t miss the drama of dangerous situations while getting and using-drugs. With schizophrenia it’s one step forward, two steps back. If you are schizophrenic and using drugs it is one step forward, four steps back. But I know how easy it is to,get tangled into that lifestyle. And how hard it is to get out. And your using “friends” won’t help you. But I escaped 24 years ago. So did Jayster for that matter. It’s not impossible.Good luck.
I was doing so well for about a year. I slipped up by being around them and being fooled. The big problem is that Abilify affects my short term memory and makes me depressed. That’s why I was crying in the doctor’s office asking for something to help with the depression and she wouldn’t give me anything. It’s not like I did this on purpose though, I really just wanted to be more clear-headed. She only wants me on Abilify. But I have a new doctor now. I’m nervous that he’s going to be unhelpful but we will see.
Just try being completely apathetic so much that you’re used to it. Try the “cure” being numbed out from every sensation you ever could experience. Try the cold comfort of abject delirium becoming your poetic license to misery. If I indeed have schizophrenia or schizoaffective, I wasn’t given any chance to prove I wasn’t. They assume the worst, when I’m completely dependent on Abilify. That’s the thought I had this morning. It’s not the illness, it’s dependency on Abilify or any medication for that matter. The illness is in the chemicals.
If it really helped I would want to take it. I have insight. It’s not that I have no insight. I just know it’s not helping anymore. In the past, a little numbess was great. It helped me cope with the traumatic situations I was in. Like being hospitalized for suicide attempts and psychosis.
I wasnt ok yesterday until the evening…something was wrong. I felt sick to my stomach and was also symptomatic
Abilify worsened my psychosis, I also felt out of it on it - completely zoned out and in a fog. My doctor kept me on it.
I really did not like the stuff, maybe you can go on a more suitable AP, one that agrees with you
hi starry night i say you ditch that guy and if he turns up again call the police he sounds bad for you tc hun protect yourself from the eejit
Which is more popular ?
Being Manipulated, or being Womanipulated ?
Oooo, this is a touchy subject for me…as some here know, my wife went down the path to suicide that started with Abilify.
Now I am reading that for some of you its the doctor who is keeping you on it…
Well, I actually called the Abilify company and talked to someone there last year. Explained the entire situation. I don’t like big pharma companies but I have to say what the girl told me MADE SENSE! She put it all off on the doctor. Said the doctor should have changed meds, more closely monitored her, and should not have left it up to a NON PSYCHIATRIC nurse practitioner to prescribe meds! All of which happened.
One session my wife went to after she started cutting - she told me the doctor had seen one of the cuts on her arm and asked about it…Wife lied and told her she had cut herself slicing Pizza. first of all my wife wasn’t known to lie…she would have to really scared to do so…probably scared she’d get put in hospital. Secondly, the cut was way up her arm, not a place you would get cut by accident slicing Pizza, and besides it was like a half inch wide and you could tell it wasn’t an accidental slice. In other words, the doctor who was well aware she was relatively new, just starting Abilify, saw a cut that was obviously NOT an accident, and let it go.
Starry Night, Wave, both your doctors have been keeping you on Abilify despite complaints? I will say from first hand experience that Abilifys own personnel don’t even agree with that…told me Abilify isn’t for everyone, and needs closely monitored, and in my case sounded like the doctor was very irresponsible.
No @e_lunaseer I was on Abilify a while ago - I am on a different AP now
Oh, good. Are you doing better than when on Abilify?
How did you get the doctor to change it, or did you go to someone new?