I'm beginning to fracture

Things with my mother in law are getting worse and I’m pretty sure she’s starting to suffer some depression.

I’m ill equipped to deal with this and we can’t put her in a facility for at least another couple months,

How am I supposed to keep my sanity and still take care of her?

Its just too much.

What would you do in my situation?

Maybe have a frank talk with both your husband and mother in law. Husband first though. You can hopefully work out a system that works better.


Thanks for the reply.

The problem is I’ve talked to my husband and he’s at as much of a loss for ideas as I am.

We’re just tumbling through the abyss until she gets better or we have to put her in a home.

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Turn the basement into an apartment?

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Thanks for the idea,

But she needs too much help for that.

I cook all her meals and serve them to her,

Make sure she takes her medication,

And help her with bathroom issues.

She’s not independent enough to live in an basement apartment.

Oh. Well yeah it sounds about time for a home then. Too much to put on yourself.

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If you don’t have the finances for a home yet, could you get a caregiver somehow?

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We had a nurse coming but used up all the visits insurance would allow.

Now she has PT coming twice a week but she frequently makes excuses as to why she can’t do the exercises that day.

Its frustrating.

Plus, the nursing visits were just for an hour each day, which was not enough to really make a difference.

We’re just caught in a bad place right now,

Pretty much out of options.

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I know what you are going through @anon54386108 as I am a caregiver to my disabled mom.

Does your MIL have Medicaid?

If she does then this would make things easier for everyone involved.

Nursing homes are very expensive.

Unfortunately as things stand now my mom doesn’t qualify for Medicaid.

So we are going to have to continue taking care of her in our home.

I don’t know what will happen to her if my dad becomes too sick to take care of her.

Hang in there.


Maybe you need to focus your eye on the prize, that is, on the date she can go to a home. It won’t be forever. You could start a count down to the day. Every day you’ll be that much closer. Try taking care of yourself too: walks, hot baths, venting online, talk to a therapist… theirs lots of options for self-care. You got this. You can do it. It’s temporary. Good luck!

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She has MediCal, which is California equivalent of Medicaid,

But that’s not enough to cover a home, we have to wait for her disability to be approved before we can afford a home.

Sorry you’re in the same boat,

Its difficult treading these waters.

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I disagree with Tyme. Just sayin…


Dude, you’re not helping.


You’re a jackass and know nothing of being an adult person.


WTF @Tyme!

Stop harassing @anon54386108.

You are not being supportive.


I used to be a caregiver for my grandfather. I had to lift, watch, and change diapers at least 3 times a day. It restricted me but gave me something to do and preoccupy the mind. I ended up leaving after a year because of issues with my grandmother and uncle. I think a good home would be best if you can afford it. My uncle didn’t help much and ended up pissing me off for not caring enough and other stuff like inserting his opinion into matters that didn’t concern him.

As a fellow schizophrenic, I can see how much added stress you have. It’s probably best to handle things sooner than later and if you can wait till she is put in a good home.


Caring for someone like that is hard work,

I’m sure your grandfather appreciated it.


I am so sorry you are under such stress !! that can’t be good for you. tell your husband to help with the bathroom duties instead of you…it’s his mother for crying out loud…you need more help from him.


Thanks, @jukebox,

But he works all day and is our financial support,

I can’t ask him to help anymore than he already is.

We’re going to have to have some difficult conversations with her about the future and I think that may put my mind at ease, well, once its over.


My grandpa is getting to this point. He can’t make any food on his own, so we have to cook for him. His cognitive skills are going, and he can barely walk even with his walker. Somehow, he can still drive, but I think that might change pretty soon. He had a stroke 2 years ago but refused rehab. Anyway, even having to deal with these small aspects of caring for him are frustrating to deal with, so I can only imagine how hard this is for you. Do you have any friends that can help with things? For the record, I don’t believe you’re being selfish or inconsiderate. I think you’re doing the best you can in a shitty situation. You just have to make it until you can get her into a care facility. Take it one day at a time, and be gentle with yourself. This stressful time will be over soon. Hang in there.