My grandpa is getting to this point. He can’t make any food on his own, so we have to cook for him. His cognitive skills are going, and he can barely walk even with his walker. Somehow, he can still drive, but I think that might change pretty soon. He had a stroke 2 years ago but refused rehab. Anyway, even having to deal with these small aspects of caring for him are frustrating to deal with, so I can only imagine how hard this is for you. Do you have any friends that can help with things? For the record, I don’t believe you’re being selfish or inconsiderate. I think you’re doing the best you can in a shitty situation. You just have to make it until you can get her into a care facility. Take it one day at a time, and be gentle with yourself. This stressful time will be over soon. Hang in there.
Thank you for the thoughtful reply,
Its hard when our loved ones get older, as you know with your Grandpa.
Sorry that I’ve got no wisdom for you @goldenrex as I think you’re doing all that can be done and then some.
(((hugs))) to you.
You’re the best.
You seem to have a lot on your plate. I’d probably have an episode if I had to take care of someone to that degree. It would be a lot easier if I had one or two other people to help, or could take short breaks.
It pains me to hear about people who should be on disability but aren’t. It can be such a struggle to get it, but the backpay when you finally get can be fairly substantial. I wish you the best of luck.
Have you sought out communities for caregivers? If there are support boards for those of us with SZ there are surely some for people in your quandry. Maybe they can find a way for you to get a bit of cheap or free respite care so you get a break?
Have you created some calming or relaxation rituals for yourself? Anything from a 5 minute cuppa while your fave scent is in the diffuser to an hour long bath with a glass of wine and some candles when the hubby is home to take over? Calming rituals are a good way of hitting the mental reset button.
Sorry I haven’t got more.
@insidemind. Do you mean a group home as the best option? Just curious. Not saying I disagree. I just wasn’t sure what you were saying.
I think finding help from somewhere is the best option. You are fragile since you have sz. You somehow need to find the happy medium. But not sure how. Sorry for not being more help. Can insurance pay for some home therapy and/or assistance until you have a room elsewhere for her?
I am able to relax a little and have a glass of wine when my husband is home.
She isn’t near as needy when he’s home,
I think she doesn’t want him to know how much she uses me instead of getting things for herself.
Thanks for the suggestions.
We used up all the home healthcare insurance would allow a couple months ago when she fell and broke her hip.
But that’s a good idea, I may check and see if I can get more now that the new year has rolled over.
Let’s hope insurance will give you more help this year! It’s sure worth a try!
Out of order. Way out of line. Caring for someone isnt easy. @goldenrex I don’t have much advice other than I know what you’re going through and you’re doing all you can and I hope everything gets better I’m sorry
Tell her you are setting up cameras. Seriously, set them up if you really can. Catch her using you. Let your husband see just how much she is doing this to you. Or catch it on your phone. Let her KNOW you are documenting it and maybe, just maybe she will stop.
I feel so bad for you. I’ve been there. Because my mom stopped taking care of herself she ended up dying at 59.
59 is so young.
But I see how it can happen,
People just give up and die.
When humans become old, they become weak, and can end up like children. Personally, I would never let myself get to that state, and I don’t want to live past the age of 60. But that is just me.
Yes they do. I’m kind of a hardass because of it and because of being a rehab CNA. For my first 2 years I only worked with rehab patients and I lost patience with the bogus excuses and laziness.
Only the hard truth works. Stark and not sugar coated. The thing is- you work toward independence or you lost it and die. Crapping yourself is not a sign of being an independent human. It’s childish and a sign of giving up.
Don’t be easy on her. She sounds annoying but not like someone who deserves to die. And dying is exactly what happens when you stop trying to get stronger and better.
My MIL had another really bad accident this morning.
I think she’s getting depressed.
I’m getting depressed so I know she has to be.
She’s now saying that she can’t open and close the sliding glass door to go out and smoke, so she needs help with that,
Simple solution, don’t go out and smoke. Right?
This week she has three doctor’s appointments and each are going to tell her to quit smoking because its killing what little kidney function she has left.
They’ll possibly want to put her on dialysis, which I don’t even know how we’d handle it if she did.
Getting her out of the house is a production, my husband has to be home and wheel her down the side yard in a transport chair. I can’t do it alone, and he can’t take time off work to take her to dialysis three times a week.
This is why we have effing PT come to the house twice a week, in an effort to get her down and up the stairs,
But she refuses to do the exercises.
I don’t know what to do.
It could be months before we can put her in a home, apparently there are waiting lists and all sorts of things I wasn’t aware of.
I guess I’ll just turn this thread into my “bitching about my mother in law thread” so I can spare the poor members trying to have fun on the “say anything” thread.
You have many friends here. Don’t worry about bitching about your situation. You’re in a really tough spot and you probably need to vent to keep from going completely crazy. I wish I had some great words of wisdom for you but I am at a loss. I wish you the best in figuring all this out though. Hope you get it resolved soon.