Really upset about my mother in law situation right now

[anon54386108]

Its been a year since she told us she was going to stop using her walker and help out more around the house.

She’s still using the walker, she’s probably done her balance practices like two times.

The “helping out more” is her just bossing me around about what we’ll have for dinner.

Occasionally she’ll make dinner, but she always needs a ton of help.

We just found out from the doctor that she has an infection,

If it spreads, she can’t be on home dialysis anymore.

This is just too much for me.

I feel like the infection is my fault because I take care of all the dialysis stuff.

I shouldn’t have to in the first place, she should be doing it herself.

I’m so angry.

When my husband comes home I’m going to straight up tell him he needs to talk to her about long term care, outside our home.

She needs to be in a nursing home and he just doesn’t want to do it.

Its unfair to me and the quality of my life, you know?

I just want her out of my house,

A mother in law suite is not good enough.

[FatMama]

That is too much to expect from her. A care home sounds like a good idea. I hope you can figure out how that could be done and that your husband will listen to you.

[TheCanuk]

I hope your husband understands your point of view on the situation. It sounds stressful having to care for her. You have a lot on your hands having to do her dialysis. Wishing you all the best.

[pretzel]

On the days your husband isn’t working, make him take your place so he understands first hand what she’s putting you through.

[jukebox]

I agree with you…you don’t deserve the life sucked out of you…your husband if he doesn’t comply and let her go to a home is not being understanding.

[CoCo]

I agree that this is too much on you. She needs proper care in a home. I really hope your husband listens to you and understands. Maybe preface the conversation with something about you really need him to hear you and you love him but this isn’t working. Go into detail as to why and what she can get elsewhere.

[Moonbeam]

Being a caregiver is incredibly stressful, especially for such a prolonged period of time. You’ve bent over backwards helping your MIL @anon54386108 and you’re absolutely right that it’s time for your MIL to move to a nursing home. Your MIL needs a higher level of care than can be provided in a home setting. And you need your life back.

[Wave]

I’m really sorry that you are placed in this impossible situation.
Your MIL needs 24 hour care in a nursing home at this point.

Dialysis is tricky and complex.

Good luck @anon54386108

All the best to you.

[ozymandias]

Just be a real shame if the stress of the situation caused you to have a “relapse” that required you to spend several weeks in the psych-ward (catch up on reading, yo!) and your hubster to deal with it. Nothing like his walking in your shoes…

[Squanchy]

Don’t blame yourself for the infection, it happens even with people who have a lot of experience with dialysis.

It is such a hard thing to do to send a loved one to a nursing home, so try to be gentle with your husband.

With that being said, you absolutely have to tell him you cannot take care of her. She needs 24 hour care, and you need to take care of yourself. I don’t know your diagnosis, but since you’re at schizophrenia.com I’m going to assume you experience psychosis of some kind (sorry for assuming if you don’t), and this stress could trigger an episode.

Try to explain that she needs more care than what you can provide, and really drive home the point that her going to a nursing home does not mean that he has abandoned her.