Maybe I’m in one of those depressive episodes but my mood tends to be more extreme these days.
My mom is awfully sick today. She’s really sick. I’ve never seen her this sick before, and she’s been having headaches for a number of days. I’m worried that she’s developing something really bad.
I asked my dad to book her a hospital appt so that she can get tested. I’ve been sitting here, working and crying back and forth wondering what will happen to her. Last night I was crying because of pain, and then night before I was crying because of pain also. I’m so nervous that I’m constantly touching my hair and rubbing it on my skin (a habit I had since I was a child) and rocking back and forth.
I feel like ■■■■ for saying bad things about my mom. Yes, she treated me unfairly when I was child but that’s no reason to say ■■■■ about her. She’s still my mom and I love her. I feel like I’m an abomination for going to therapy and saying things about her, when she was an amazing mom.
I feel so bad about myself and I’m a mess. I’m crying nonstop and it’s hard to work.
I feel so bad that I just kept swearing about what she did to me and how she treated me. I’m a jerk.