Schizophrenia.com

I'm a mess

Maybe I’m in one of those depressive episodes but my mood tends to be more extreme these days.

My mom is awfully sick today. She’s really sick. I’ve never seen her this sick before, and she’s been having headaches for a number of days. I’m worried that she’s developing something really bad.

I asked my dad to book her a hospital appt so that she can get tested. I’ve been sitting here, working and crying back and forth wondering what will happen to her. Last night I was crying because of pain, and then night before I was crying because of pain also. I’m so nervous that I’m constantly touching my hair and rubbing it on my skin (a habit I had since I was a child) and rocking back and forth.

I feel like ■■■■ for saying bad things about my mom. Yes, she treated me unfairly when I was child but that’s no reason to say ■■■■ about her. She’s still my mom and I love her. I feel like I’m an abomination for going to therapy and saying things about her, when she was an amazing mom.

I feel so bad about myself and I’m a mess. I’m crying nonstop and it’s hard to work.

I feel so bad that I just kept swearing about what she did to me and how she treated me. I’m a jerk.

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You’re not a jerk, you have all the right to be sensitive to your mom attitude towards you, and if she makes you feel bad you also have the right to complain about her.

It’s hard when someone in our families are ill our injured, that doesn’t make them a saint afterwards and erase all the wrong doings they have done. People deserved being treated with respect, no matter what they have done in the past or are doing in the present.

Besides that you didn’t choose to be ill, nobody does and so if it makes you feel better complaining about your mom than you should do it. I understand she is now more fragile and I wish her the best recovery possible but try not to be so harsh on yourself, I know you’re doing the best you can and with your condition you must be proud of yourself…

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I know she was really harmful towards me in the past when I was little, but my mom is still my mother.

I am just in a lot of pain and I’m crying every day.

I guess I have an illness but it must make me feel horrible that I hurt her someway…

The good news is headaches could be nothing at all. You dont know yet. And there’s no reason to beat yourself up over things you cnat change right now. I agree it’s rather okay to complain about someone that treated you badly as a kid, even if they’re your parents. You expect your parents to treat you kindly and she did not. But if you dont like this attitude theres plenty of time to change it!

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I’m hopeful for the future. Maybe my mom’s headaches are really nothing at all.

She threw up today but she is feeling much better.

I’m echausted and worn out. So tired.

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My mom was a terrible mom when I was growing up, but I still love her. And we’re close now. It’s ok for you to acknowledge the good and the bad in your relationship with her. In fact, it’s healthy to do so. I’m sorry your mom is sick. I hope she’s better soon. I wonder if she had a migraine. Those are awful.

She has migranes often but we’re worried that it might be something worse than that. We told her to go and see a doctor because she was so sick today.

My mom has been really negative too but shr is a great mom nonetheless. I love her and I don’t want anything bad to happen to her.

I couldn’t stop crying and my mom caught me crying but this time she didn’t stop me. She often stops me from crying but this time she didn’t say anything. For some reason the no crying rule is not imposed on me anymore…and I’m glad.

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Being allowed to cry is huge progress. That’s a really good development. I hope her headaches are nothing serious

I hope your Mom is fine @laetitia.

hey, sorry about your mum, i hope she recovers and i will pray for you and your mum and all of your family, i hope its not as bad as you think.

@mrhappy @Wave @Pianogal
Thanks everyone. She is feeling a lot better today.

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I think a lot of what’s bothering you is triggered by dependency. Can you focus on some others so you will not have to rely solely on family. That way, when they are not well you will feel less trapped.

I am just focusing on work and knitting today. Plus work was so tiring yesterday and I worked for over 8 hours so I was close to having a meltdown. I cried for hours.

What kind of work are you doing?

I translate for a company!

Oh, cool. My mother taught foreign languages and did translation work as well.

Oh, that’s pretty cool! I like my job- it’s very low stress and I work from home with decent pay.

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