I feel bad today and this depresses my mom

I have a bad day and my mother looks depressed because of me… she is also worried for my nephew. in her opinion, he shows symptoms too. he is a teenager. she is always worried now. gosh, she has no hope anymore for me I guess. How did you live the despair of your parents?
me, ive decided to never lose hope anymore cause ■■■■, do I need this now after so much problems for me for all this past?
its hard to see my mother like this.

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My bf is doing the NAMI family-to-family training. He seems a bit better, less depressed and has more knowledge of what is going on. Is there a program like this near you?

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my mother wont do the step for this anymore. When I had my diagnosis first, she went to a psychologist and he only told her that she should remain strong in order to help me. but she is the kinda of ultra protective mother, she worries for everything. she almost has no life, no support, no friends. she has only her tv and talks me often about her problems… I dont like when she sees me like a desperate case, It just makes me angry. all my ill friends are better now than me while my mother is too sensitive about my problems. ■■■■, I am a bit confused still on my dosage of 10 mg now, its been just 2 weeks that I am on this and she says that she wanted to see some improvement already.
yeah…

You can’t change how she reacts to you and your reaction to meds.

You have a good mother, and you are her good daughter.

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Wishing you well… feel better

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You need to explain to her, that sometimes with medication it can take time and you’re unlikely to see an improvement within two weeks, you should also tell her how much you appreciate and love her. Because it’s always nice to hear!

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you know, for the moment I think that I am a bad daughter… I want to be honest with you - I feel just anger and irritability often towards my mom. I keep it in myself but I cant express my love often… its a problem if you see… I hate to be like this, I want to overcome now this cause I am like this since 25 years gosh… idk if ill change for better one day.

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I like to hear you considering your mom’s feelings. I know the experience from both sides.
I know my mom never understood what I was going through. It put distance between us because I felt misunderstood by her and that I disappointed her. I don’t think I could ever admit that I broke her heart. She wanted such good things for me. I wish she could see me now.
My son has sz and goes through bouts of depression. I do understand what he goes through, but now I also understand where my mom was coming from because I just want my son to push himself and keep trying, and have hope.
If a parent is capable of love, then it follows that they want all good things for you.

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yeah, I know understand that this damn diagnosis brakes hearts isn’t it? mostly, the hearts of parents…my mother lived with my father who was beating her. she came from another country here and she had this jealous husband who was beating her… and he finally dided from some kind of depression. so its tough here… but I want to change now, I am fed up by all my shitty behaviours, by my eternal low moods etc… I didn’t tell to my mother that I love her since kid I guess. do you imagine this? how I am gonna live with this? maybe once ill change everything will be on its place but when it will happen?

The best way to start changing is to actively make the decision to change. Start with something small. Smile once a day, or make a list of three reasons to be grateful. Or even just one reason to be grateful. Try to do something nice for your mom, even if you don’t feel like you’re being genuine. It is very difficult in the beginning, but it gets easier the more you practice. Try to do just one nice thing every day for yourself, and one nice thing for your mom.

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@ninjastar, since a year I smile even when I havent the emotion behind it. I do it, believe me. I hate my low moods, so much negativity in me too… I sometimes go to buy to my mom her newspaper or to buy her some food. I do some small gestures towards her.
But I am really fed up of being sick!!! I hadn’t hope for the last 16 years. my hope is just new,since a year and I think that I shouldn’t lose it anymore. I lived without love, I lived without job or education. I lived with so much hate about me and then it turned to others too. I fight since a year but I wish the real change will be here already. Its tiring people!!! maybe sometimes to be pushy is not the right way to change or no, how do you think? today I was too down, idk if its the med or the illness. my illness is quite painfull. I have relatively good reason still but its too painfull… I wanted to cry today and I couldn’t. I was close to explosing…

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It’s good that you are able to do these things even when you feel so miserable. It means you’re still trying. Keep trying, and don’t give up hope. It can get better one day. I have no idea when, but it could happen.

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maybe I just should accept that ill have those lows after so much time of despair and isolation?
I could barely walk today by my inner pain and I was paranoid…

My mother often says “sorry to say it to you, but youll never have family neither job neither friends”… its unfair from her to speak like this… she is depressing too, i am sometimes too good cause i dont say anything to her…

Sorry Anna, it is not helpful of your mom to say stuff like that. You can have family and friends and a life. You will have to take some action to get there, it won’t just happen, but these things are possible. Hope dies when the heart stops beating. As long as you are alive, things can get better.

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You need to ventilate your feeling. It is not wrong to cry.

16 years is long.
I remember I didn’t cry at my mom’s funeral. I kept the grievous feeling for 13 years and finally I let go my emotion and now feel better.

It was the Zyprexa who didn’t let me cry yesterday. I took my Ativan after that and today I am better :slight_smile:
yeah, its been 16 years with the illness. and even before that I was very unhappy but I was active. Now the worse are my fears, they are very strong and painfull but I continue to take my meds. I have a progress because of them I find :slight_smile:
somebody here who lost so much time with the illness? I am like john nash lol, I think he spend decades in hospitals too :cry:.

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