My best friend of 10 years and known for 15 that I text every single day has never came to visit me since I moved an hour away from her. I used tk live a half hour from her and she’d come pick me up sometimes. I can’t drive so I can’t go to her. But she always has an excuse last minute why she can’t come. She just texted me she’s in town for her brand NEW girlfrirnds birthday and wants to see me.
Am I over reacting? I try so hard to be understanding because we’re all autistic and mentally ill but the minute she gets a new lover she’s able to drive that far ?
I mean was she a nice person before? Obviously she was nice if you’ve known her 15 years. I mean even if she’s a little selfish that could just be a character flaw and you don’t throw folks away for being imperfect. You know?
You have been in a very rejection-sensitive mood lately. It probably colors your opinion of things
Gas to drive, and the attention to spend 2 hours in a car, are HUGE detractors to visiting someone. I used to go to my sister’s house once a week, until she moved 90 minutes away. Now, I haven’t been there in over a year. I still love her just as much, but I cannot handle the drive.
I sincerely hope she does put her girlfriend as a higher priority than you. That’s how romantic relationships tend to work. I assume if you had to do something for your own fiance, it would be a lot easier to find the motivation than if it was for a friend. It sucks when we get older and find ourselves set to a lower priority than we used to be, but it is a pretty natural part of aging. Young friendships tend to be very codependent. As we age, we learn about boundaries and taking care of our own mental health. We also tend to form romantic relationships that become the highest social priority we have.
She clearly said she wants to see you. It doesn’t mean less just because she also wants to see someone else while she is there.
I mean it’s not that I disagree with you it’s just that she just starting seeing her that bothers me and I’ve lived here for 6 years and she hasn’t visited me once.
You are thinking you deserve a higher priority than the girlfriend because you have known her for longer. But that isn’t how humans work. You have known her for years. She is secure in the knowledge that you love and accept her. This new person she actually has to try and impress. Plus, you know, sex can be a highly motivating factor.
I’m asexual so I often forget that’s what typically people do. But I don’t think I’m expecting to be a higher priority than her partners necessarily. I haven’t felt like a priority to her in a while
I’m sure your friend is oblivious to the fact that your feelings are hurt. Maybe it would be a good idea to bring it up with her, I’m not sure how you would start that conversation, but go gently
I get rubbed the wrong way sometimes too, when someone leaves me out or doesn’t invite me to a get-together. It’s a shity feeling, but I have to keep perspective and realize they didn’t do it to hurt me specifically
I feel for you. It’s not easy to cope with sometimes, especially when it triggers like that. I can relate in some degree, I always knew I was different but it wasn’t until I was adult that I realized I had Asperger’s.
Schoolyard bullies were always attracted to me, thinking they could pound me down. But I never let them win. Those punks don’t deserve the breath it takes to utter their name. But obviously, this friendship is important to you. A lot more important to you here and now, than anything that happened in your younger life
I feel you too @Moon! When I moved from Los Angeles to San Diego I lost touch with everyone who lived there except for Fakebook. No one visits unless they come here on vacation. My friend John has not visited me once but he will fly to Hawaii twice a year at least to see our other friend his “BFF.”