If you have a spare moment to listen to a loser…

I’m depressed. I think. Maybe. I’m just so done with life it feels like.

I don’t enjoy anything. I don’t care anymore it feels like.

I have no motivation. No energy.

I don’t feel well or right.

I recently stopped 2 meds 20 days ago. Nuvigil and gabapentin. Other than that no changes to my life or stress or meds.

I see my dr in 2 weeks but I don’t know if I’ll be ok for that long. Unsure of what to do. I have no one to talk to about this. I’m sorry. I know I’m just a loser.

You aren’t a loser for struggling! We all have times where everything feels difficult to deal with, don’t beat yourself up for your thoughts or feelings. I think you should call your pdoc and see if they can book you an earlier appointment.

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Thanks @WhiteRaven I will message my psych dr. You’re right.

I wanted so badly to be off lots of meds. But I don’t know if that’s a possibility unfortunately. I don’t want to have to take so many meds.

I am supposed to see friends tonight but I just feel like sitting here and crying. I don’t feel good at all.

I see my therapist on Wednesday and I see my dr in 2 weeks. I better wait. I don’t want to bother anyone. I feel like such a festering wound to the world. That’s all I am. I just don’t want to do anything wrong.

You are NOT a loser.

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How many meds and med changes have you made in the last month?

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Don’t feel bad if you feel like crying…when i was in the hospital i cried all the time and my doctor said this…“Tears are the body’s way to heal the soul”. It made me feel good to cry after that, i was healing my soul.

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Just stopped the nuvigil and gabapentin. No other med changes before that for at least 9 months. And only then because of the nationwide vyvanse shortage so I had to switch to nuvigil. @everhopeful

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Ok. I called and rescheduled my dr appointment but the soonest available one was still a week out.

So I sent her a message too.

And I canceled my plans with friends tonight. I don’t have it in me. For wrong or right.

I am so sorry you are going through this. It is OK to be on a lot of meds…I know I am! You are not a loser by any means. You are going to get through this. Good job for reaching out and seeking a sooner appointment. Be gentle to yourself this is a hard disease

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Would you call someone in a wheelchair a loser because he can’t run or walk? No, because he has a disability that he probably didn’t cause himself and some things are impossible for him. We’re kind of the same as that guy in a wheelchair, we got schizophrenia through no fault of our own and it limits us. It limits some people more than others but it affects all of us in different ways. What you are experiencing is normal for a lot of schizophrenics. But doesn’t make us losers.

I’ve had schizophrenia for 44 years; I can work and do a few other things but there’s a lot I haven’t been able to do. I don’t consider myself a loser. I was never able to get married and have kids but that’s OK, I learned to do other things and I’ve managed to have many good experiences in life. I’m satisfied with how my life has gone in some ways and not so satisfied in other ways. About a year ago my stepmother who I have known for almost 40 years told me, “You’re great because you’re friendly, smart and you never give up.” A few years before that, my stepfather who was a college professor for years and years told me, “I’ve always admired how you’ve been able to achieve your goals no matter what else is going on in your life.” But it took years before I started getting better.

I’ve been able to work for years but if you knew me you would think there’s nothing special about me, I’m just an average guy. I just take my medication as prescribed and talk to the psychiatrist and therapist and I don’t do drugs or get in trouble (anymore).

I’ll tell you, motivation and having energy is hard for me too. I don’t want to get up at 8:00 am three days a week and go to work. I live independently but sometimes I wish I lived in a board & care home where I had no responsibilities and didn’t have to do anything. But there’s benefits to working and living independently so I’ll keep doing it.

Lots of people are in the same boat as you with no motivation and energy. They keep going and maybe if they get on the right medication and have the right opportunities they do alright. I wish I could help you, all I can tell you is that sometimes things get better when you least expect it.

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