Can't help feeling terrified I made everything up

Anyone else feel or felt this way? Feeling like you were faking sz, feeling phony? That you felt you were not really mentally ill (but were)? That you didn’t need meds? That everything was a lie?

What did you do?

You have been very erratic of late with your postings. I seriously believe you need a medication adjustment. Please book an appointment to see your doctor ASAP.

5 Likes

I’m seeing my pdoc on Wednesday thankfully

3 Likes

Yes, i have such doubts sometimes.
But psychosis always comes back
and proves me wrong

6 Likes

It’s weird, I never doubt my diagnosis. Ever since they first told me I had schizophrenia, which coincided with my hunches, after getting released from hospital, I knew I was ill. Yes, I’ve messed with my meds twice, ending up psychotic, but both times I did it because I wanted to feel better, my negative symptoms were too crippling. It wasn’t because I doubted I was sick. Even during episodes 2 and 3 I still knew I was sick, to some extent.

So I can’t give advice. Some people have more insight than others, it is what it is. I suspect you don’t follow the med regimen long enough for you to get stable (6 months to a year since your last episode). Once stable your insight will increase. But some people also need therapy like air. You seem to be one of those people, yet you refuse to see a therapist.

3 Likes

When did I say I refuse to see a therapist?

You may not have said it, but you haven’t taken steps towards getting in touch with one, either.

Prove me wrong :slightly_smiling_face:

Sometimes I feel like a faker. Like, “So-and-so is so much worse; I must be faking…” But then I remember how meds pretty much saved my marriage. So, then I remember that I must really be sick if medications could save me.

4 Likes

No. I always knew I was classic schizophrenia and even told so. It’s just other people, who think I’m a fake. Although I wondered if I could have some mania and lithium seemed to help.

I recognized I was getting schizophrenia pretty early on but didn’t get help until I landed in the hospital 2 years later. I didn’t take my meds and functioned for 4 years. Then I ended up back in the hospital. I think I’m lucky I’m not in worse shape. But I know I have the disease and will continue meds and therapy.

Dealing with insurance companies for seven years, I was made to feel like a fake a hundred times. And it gets you sometimes, I started thinking that I was a fake as well. But the truth is, I was all ■■■■■■ up. Badly

2 Likes