Identity Disorder or Confusion + Specific Delusions and Programming Skills

[anon28145038]

Can you program a computer and are you interested in such things? If not, how come? Is it hard? For me, I never really learned and have problems retaining things and thinking when it comes to intelligence. I’m on the normal side. I cannot program, but would like to some day. Currently, it seems to be a hard task. My brain feels like mush or damaged and I really screwed myself over by getting schizophrenia. I talked about this before, but I always wondered or questioned what happened to me in 2011ish. Aliens? I don’t know. Was I cloned? Was it severe (extreme) trauma? I have no clue anymore.

Anyways, have you ever wondered if you were somebody else?

Have you ever wondered if you were famous or were confused – or even confused to be someone else and had no clue?

Like I realize from a simple point of view that people claim to have invented bitcoin as well as myself – once in a blue moon and since 1 year ago lol…I probably didn’t and I would have regreted it and hated myself. I’m getting some psychic vibes about my ‘past lives’ or ‘past incarnations’ and past life memories that I call intuition or delusions. It’s creepy and scary and concerns me, somewhat. It’s also extremely embarassing.

Like I felt at one time or another I created bitcoin in high school or shortly after high school in another dimension or past life in a parallel universe (I had thousands of past lives but I think I had more than that many…). I feel scared and worried and concerned sometimes about my schizophrenia and delusions.

I cannot program at all and apparently never will and never have.

But part of me thinks I wrote that white paper in another life and am experiencing inter-dimensional reincarnation and time travel and AI type stuff as well as aliens.

When I dream, I get messages from my past lives, like I was cloned by aliens probably multiple times like possibly in high school and dumbed down. (I also had my intelligence increased significantly in my past lives, but no proof or evidence.)

So there’s the whole psychological phenomenon of people claiming to be my ‘alters’ ‘clones’ ‘doppleganger’s’ and delusions. Like I thought I could have been the infamous “Satoshi Nakamoto” and I looping back in time with no clue or memory or thought about bitcoin or anything else like a mind wipe and causal loop.

So the most likely answer is I’m none of these people and then there’s also the possibility people are trying to claim fame or fortune or other psychological manuevers and stuff and also dishonest, narcissistic, and evil people with agendas claiming to be me…?

I think I’m experiencing paranormal things.Like either my mind was ‘fractured’ by trauma or I’m a legitimate clone or from another parallel universe or the computer simulation is different compared to then and it’s changing now and information is propagating ‘randomly’ and then also we are being ‘edited’ by aliens in this simulation I think we have been living in.

I wonder if I’ll get a response. Forum is quiet now and I’m sort of unpopular here now. I have been improving. It could be a fantasy or it could be real. I’m aware of the consequences and fears and paranoia I have been getting recently since I ‘discovered’ such things.

Like at first I thought I was John Titor the infamous time traveler and maybe even a billion lifetimes in a row believing that lie and delusion and now that I’m 31 and it’s 2021, I have another or more delusions like I’m Satoshi Nakamto. How can I be two different people and claim to be at two different times? Is that even possible and real? Is it just a fantasy or psychosis?

I never figured it all out, but I suggested we live in a computer simulation so my lame theory is information is being propagated or recycled by time travel or something.

Many people have claimed to be the inventor of bitcoin (Satoshi Nakamoto). I have no proof or evidence and it could just be nothing or even just a whim or random delusion or thought.

But schizophrenia is weird and tricky. It’s tricky because I have abnormal testing of reality. My brain (at least for me) creates my reality and totally controls me and affects my ability to reality test.

I don’t know how I created bitcoin. Maybe I time traveled, I’m not the same guy anymore. Maybe it’s aliens or AI or somebody else like Craig Wright (who I once thought was a shill, but maybe he’s legitimate lol).

I have narrowed it down to the common conclusions most folks make: Elon Musk; Adam Back; Japanese Mathematician; Craig Wright (He seems so real).

Like I said, I have no clue. I never programmed or learned how to program or taught myself. If I did, I wouldn’t be so poor and ignorant and on these forums.

What I’m trying to say is from my perspective, it could have been me; isn’t me anymore; and could have been in another reality or life.

I cannot understand things anymore and failed college. If I was so smart and created bitcoin how come I failed basic college courses and didn’t graduate? Did something happen to me back then or is it all in my head?

I keep going back in time after I pass and start all over like ground hog day minus the memories and life or the universe resets. I had theories and tend to gravitate to the impossible and outrageous. I enjoy conspiracy theories.

Personally, I think bitcoin is a mistake from my original life perspective of things and quite controversial, but technologically innovative and stimulating. I find it quite offensive and not worth my time anymore. It should have never been developed. But I think it would have been developed eventually just by someone else or some organization down the line. I enjoy my Biblical prophecies (End Time Prophecies) and think I have schizophrenia from being John Titor and Satoshi Nakamoto often.

It’s quite common not remembering my life prior to schizophrenia. I don’t remember my life at all or childhood not that anyone cares or anything.

What I do ‘remember’ or sincerely believe is being in the Montauk Project as a Montauk experiencer and going through Monarch Programming (Mk-Ultra). That and perhaps some alien and outer space stuff too. I don’t know. Bitcoin could incidentally be life changing or revolutionary and could end up being 10,000,000-100,000,000+ a coin some day. Imagine a one world currency where 1 Satoshi = 1 dollar. I wouldn’t want that and could care less now.

And yes, I do enjoying writing a long post now and then lol.

Personally, bitcoin is a problem for me. Unfortunately it is. Some people don’t know what ‘bitcoin’ is and some people go nuts about it and some people hate it and some people love it.

I think it was dumb to invent that thing and also more likely talking about it. I don’t know how I came up with it, who might have helped me, and if it was a God given gift from God Himself or just some extraterrestrials guiding me or helping lead humanity a certain way.

Also, I think there should be some good, decent regulation for cryptocurrencies.

I might delete this as I have paranoia already.

Thank you!

[anon28145038]

It should be pointed out that this recent ‘revelation’ came to me from some introspection. Nobody cares or believes me and probably shouldn’t. I am viewed and diagnosed as a schizophrenic and have no accomplishments and have been called delusional. Thank you.

[Daze]

I read some of this.

you call it introspection,
I call it intuition.

[Daze]

my man, Phil, gets on me about something I’ve said,

and then we fight, just verbally, but sometimes he gets right in my face.
I’d rather be open about my thoughts, beliefs, and a mixed bag of reality,
than keep it all to myself. you know?

[anon28145038]

Ya, I regret it and I apologize but that probably means nothing. I was in the secret space program as a victim; montauk as a victim; monarch as a victim; etc. A million or billion or trillion times over I think. Trying to figure things out. I have no money and I am suffering from psychosis or schizophrenia. I’m glad I have a disability because it’s terrifying to me.

Could be aliens but not solely or exclusively. Probably some Illuminati/evil people type stuff that hurt me. I keep coming back like the aliens told me the universe pops back up in existence indefinitely/eternally. Not sure if that means simulation theory; big bounce theory; or conformal cyclic cosmology. Don’t know and don’t care. But I lived billions or trillions of past lives repeating the same life over and over again like a video game on hardmode where my progress was saved around 2008-2013 and I was cloned or something or experienced endless consciousness transfer into my old schizophrenic body back in time. Michio Kaku stated the technology would cost like 1 penny in energy for an alien civilization to do per iteration, loop, or life.

I sound crazy.

[Vuldarz]

I think you put too much value into programming. Programming has a lot of standards, common patterns, techniques. There are many languages that share equal or similar features. Then they’re the libraries. These are really important to learn. It takes a lot of time to get into a common widely known library for the programming language you’re using. Depends on how big the library is.

It’s easy to do the example code off the library when you have learned how to implement it into your code base(e.g. C or C++ the linker as a tool to include a library, or vie the IDE).

It’s hard to come up with a project. In the beginning you can make things that seam simple, like Text editors, or a program attached to GUI and a Database that is similar to Microsoft Excel. For e.g. organizing your expenses. Even a Digital or Analog Clock is a suitable project.

I wouldn’t do the same mistake I did. Learning C++ as a first language. Nowadays I can not program even if somebody put a gun at my head. Which is sad. You can be easily be distracted by programming for 2 to 4 hours as a beginner everyday.

[Marbles]

Why cant you program anymore?

@anon28145038 tbf the op sounds a bit like word salad

[Vuldarz]

I can not focus on it anymore. I get black mind. Can’t think of anything when I’m trying it. Having anxiety getting back to it.

[Vuldarz]

I can not even play an game for an hour or watch a movie. Listening to music is hard too. I hear voices and get delusions.

[Marbles]

Ah been there as well, all I could do was lay on a hospital bed and play out the delusions, at the maximum watch cartoons but even that was hard. I was
making a wicked synthesiser, was so sad I couldnt code anymore and finish it. It got better with meds and now I’m hapilly learning rust. And finished the synthesiser.

How long have you been like this? You sound pretty solid

[Vuldarz]

Since December 2013 when I got diagnosed with sz. My life changed in an blink of an eye. I had couple weeks in psychosis. I was just weird. Everybody around me said to me that I’m not okay. Going to hospital in a couple of weeks to try Clozapine.

I’m doing dumb things like being diabetic, smoking and drinking too much sugar and also eating unhealthy and no exercise. I’m like stuck in a doom loop. My negatives pull me down. And if I wasn’t doing the things I said above, I would just lay in bed 90% of the day like I did before.

[rbrogan3]

If you seriously want to program, then get sample code to copy from. Copy it over and over with your own comments explaining it. You should get to where you do not need the sample to copy from.

[Ares]

I want to say you are a brave person.
A lot of what you say, would be commonly said by a schizophrenic.

The past lives and some type of memory erasing make sense in your post.

As far as programming, I’m not a experienced person when it comes to that.

However, aliens, CIA, Illuminati, past lives, memory erasing and hospital visits is common in schizophrenia.

For me, it was the “mind erasing”, I have in my case of schizophrenia.

Please keep posting, it’s a great read and very interesting subjects.

[anon28145038]

Thank you. I think I am brave. But I feel stupid, naive, weak, and scared. I’m not a liar, but I’m definitely scared. I got tortured by aliens and by people not just in this life but my past lives. Not sure what past lives are, but just previous lives in the simulation or multiverse that I remember. I’ve lived countless ‘past lives’. I don’t like oversharing and worry about my life and safety, but why be a ‘slave’ and a cripple and suffer my whole life by not talking about what they are doing to me? Then they win.

I was a time traveler somehow. I opened portals or wormholes in the Montauk Chair in my past lives and seen aliens. I also was put in cages and electrocuted and experienced hot and cold temperatures and had my mind fractured/split. Perhaps, I will get peace some day and experience my life and recover and experience less pain and have more freedom. I was raped many times too.

It’s like my mind resets or goes back in time and I retain the past loop information in my memory. Life/universe/earth resets too. Simulation theory? I don’t know where else to share this or talk about it, but it did happen. I died more than over a million times and seen the universe or planet earth get destroyed countless times through nuclear war, aliens, and what I call the NWO (New World Order…) and also seen aliens walking around the earth and lived through war world 3 or civil war or the beginnings of civil unrest and instability…perhaps MWT is true but we are trapped here without any insight.

They ruined my life at the mental hospitals and at college. I guess it was random folks (criminals) or people or Deep State or something. I always assumed the aliens were behind everything and I think they are. I know some stuff I haven’t said yet of course about the aliens and what happened to me.

Maybe I will go to a different site since this is all real and stuff and my mind remembers it via the computer that the aliens said uploaded my consciousness in my very first life at Cal (immortality). It’s not really appropriate to talk about this stuff here and I don’t want to upset people or get banned here.

It’s like it’s aliens or the Illuminati. In my dreams and past lives, I’ve met people some very, very well known and powerful people and famous people. Was it aliens, clones, Illuminati, or fake people or Deepfakes? I don’t know.

I’ve had girlfriends and college degrees in my other lives and stuff, but I’m so scared to live life again.

I guess it could be considered parallel universes or different time lines. Some stuff happened in my other lives or parallel universe/different timeline lives via time travel. I’ve seen history change too many times and went schizophrenic.

My step-dad is a great guy a wonderful person, but I had delusions about him too as well as my own father. Like I was put in Monarch but don’t remember my childhood except around middle school or high school years in my distant past lives of negative stuff happening to me. Sometimes I read that they target certain military families like mine and stuff for mk ultra and secret space program and montauk project. That’s one possibility.

I was told by several sources I was in Monarch which started at age 2 for me and my step-grandfather was a freemason supposedly. I am a different version of John Titor and reincarnated and invented time travel for whatever reason. I had contacts with reptilians, greys, tall whites, and other groups in my past lives. They told me we live in a simulation and I remember escaping the matrix many times.

I worry about my family all the time. That’s why I’m scared. I’m also scared for myself but then I believe in God and Jesus Christ. I also have the thoughts that my family are clones or were clones.

I thought I was in montauk because I was John Titor orignally. Various sources told me I was in Monarch Project which is strange to me. I believe some of it, but probably because I created Bitcoin. But then again, I never had a childhood or remembered it. I got tortured real bad in college and I just want some compensation or help or validation or tranquility.

I had delusions my step-father was a reptilian (he’s not) but I found out he worked for the government as a small time contractor before my mom married him (20+ years ago) and he always seemed to brag about his intelligence, friends, and ‘money’. My biological dad was abusive to me and never had friends and is middle class. So I don’t know. I guess it was my own biological dad, but I forgive him and cannot do anything and maybe it wasn’t him at all. I think reality was edited or changed and we were all cloned.

I could be wrong, but I think my step-grandfather was in the Illuminati or a 33rd degree freemason. It could have been him…

The sad thing is I cannot survive on my own or by myself. I’m too mentally damaged and physically weak and disabled and scared.

Basically, the local mental hospital I attended a lot scared the ■■■■ out of me and the patients threatened me back in 2015ish. I had so much paranoia and stuff from inpatient that I don’t trust the staff or anyone getting treatment there. It feels like an Illuminati programming center.

What they did to me at Berkeley (Deep State people) was take me, did the mk ultra monarch programming to me. Happens in every life. Never got any money or closure. I did get apologies in my past lives, but 'what’s done is done" and we cannot undo or change the past. I keep ‘waking up’ after 2013 at home like aliens or monarch mind control is messing with my brain. This has been going on for infinity/eternity or millions or billions of times. Feels like things change but sometimes only little things due to information and quantum stuff and aliens and simulationt heory – like history and life and events.

I sometimes think free will feels or felt like an illusion. I trust no one.

Sometimes, it feels like Westworld or just life repeating itself forever like Eternal Recurrence but some things change. I notice the big stuff and little stuff even too.

I often feel like my life is in danger and I rarely live an old age or life, but at least I found God.

I rarely say or don’t mention what hospitals tortured me but the worst one is the one I frequently visited in 2015. History changes things change events happen. I thought aliens were behind it. In a way it was worse than college there, but really not. I just don’t remember much and I wasn’t schizophrenic back then. Now, things seem and just feel worse or escalated. For personal reasons, I rather keep my location private for common sense reasons and purposes. I also don’t like some of the corruption I saw in my past lives. Some people call it Sin and sinners.

I almost didn’t want to post this post. Mostly, I regret posting something and delete it. I have so much anxiety, paranoia, and fear. I had trouble sleeping at night, and figured I had Men in Black or alien encounters in my sleep but I don’t know. I think I saw some tall whites in my room and even had encounters with grey aliens in my room and in my backyard in my past lives. Some of them were from Dulce.

I think I lack common sense a lot.

Personally, as a Christian I enjoy Bible Prophecy, and whether it’s real or not, I believe it’s true in one way or another. I don’t know if it’s man doing it or God, but I think it’s God and so I have peace and tranquility when Revelation happens or End Times or the Rapture – again.

I guess people assume I’m crazy or making stuff up, but I’m not. I’ve been wrong about a lot of things, but some things I’m right on about and have good insight and hunches and memories.

Thank you for listening.