Does anyone feel like you’re faking your psychosis/sz/sza when not experiencing debilitating symptoms 24/7 anymore? I just fear that somehow I have convinced everyone and myself into thinking I have been psychotic.
Rationally I know this to be false as I’d have had to fake it well enough to fool about 8-9 doctors, and I am not a good actor at all. However, it’s distressing me quite a lot.
I have such fears about everything, even ones that are easily proven false - such as whether I am faking knowing how to play my musical instrument, whether I am faking knowing how to speak English even. I think it might be my OCD.
It sounds like an OCD and delusion combined to me. Are you on anything for OCD? I found that my antidepressants reduced my OCD symptoms ( I don’t have OCD but I do have an element of overthinking when I’m down)
@MisterApple I used to be on fluoxetine and amitryptyline when I was around 12 but I took myself off it when I was 14. Now that I’ve had a manic episode I’m not sure they can give antidepressants to me anymore. Thanks for your response.
I’ve seen this problem many times on this forum. Many people have convinced themselves psychosis was all an act and believe they faked their illness. They’re usually wrong, as you say, you’re probably not a good enough actor to fool so many people. I’ve seen people who have been diagnosed for years and have been in hospitals try to convince themselves they were acting the whole time. Just logically think back on your psychosis and all you’ve been through: it really happen, you didn’t make it all up out of thin air. You didn’t have a normal life and then one day you decided to fake a mental illness. No, you probably slowly got sick and started getting sicker and people around you noticed and thought you should get help. You didn’t make that up.
I went through something similar years ago. I thought my mental illness was my choice and I chose all the psychosis and delusions; this was after being psychotic for 2 1/2 years straight and spending 8 months in the hospital. Who fakes it enough to be hospitalized 8 months? Most likely, nobody. So I’m not surprised when I hear other people go through this.
I mean theoretically, if you faked the entire illness and it was all under your control then you could stop faking and be normal any time. I doubt you could be normal even if you tried. Sorry, I don’t mean that to be an insult, I just mean you couldn’t be a so called “normie” and be free of mental illness.
Yea that’s very common at the beginning. I felt like I didn’t have it too when I was first diagnosed. Told myself it was just a one time thing etc. with experience you learn. One way or another the best remedy is early intervention so my advice is to improve your health in every way possible and it’s very possible to live in full remission. Best of luck!
I was gaslight and told I was faking when I first had symptoms at age 14. So much so that my parents and boarding school decided to put me on placebo pills instead of Abilify. Took me years to seek treatment again till age 20, where I finally found a doctor that listened to me. That was in 2018, and when my parents found out I was hospitalized and diagnosed with SZA bipolar type they said they thought I was faking it again and it took years for them to realize that I had not been faking it for the past 13 years. I mean if I had been faking it, that’s a LONG time to fake an illness. Especially a psychotic illness. I mean, who WANTS schizophrenia?!
I can really relate to this, its a horrible thing thinking it was all pretend and not real, like its all just some elaborate act in some sadistic game and truth is that this is also a symptom, like people are judging us and thinking ‘that person is not being genuine’ or in the extreme ‘i don’t think anything is wrong with him/her’ it seems kind of persecutory like a delusion ‘a very believable one’ i guess all i can say is to try and fight this, ask for the strength to fight it so you feel better about your illness and how it affects you, its energy that could be better spent on recovery.