So this lecture was by a spiritual leader, I won’t say who, okay it was Ram Dass. But this thread is not about religion.
Basically what I’m feeling is that he and I have been through unusual things, but his experiences supposedly happened, and mine of course are a product of my disease.
I am foolish for believing at one time that I was going through a spiritual experience. It was all fake. And I have to live with the fact that I was duped by my own mind. I’m having trouble wrapping my mind around it, years later.
No. This is what psychosis does. It tricks you. I used to believe that I was destined to become God and kill Satan with an angel. I believed there was a “spaceship” above the earth piloted by angels. I in no way feel foolish about it. It was what it was. My mind tricked me into following certain fringe figures and believing I saw signs in things that pointed me in this direction.
I don’t understand why. I had the same kind of outrageous beliefs. I just dismiss them as part of the disorder now. Unless you still partially believe them, which is another matter entirely, I see no reason not to just throw the beliefs in the garbage and walk away.
And if you’re not like me and can’t get past them, there is always the option of therapy. But, in my case, I didn’t need it. I just view them for what they were.
Right before my symptoms started at age 16 I came across a Eastern religion book that was really simple and came with a tape of this weird music. I gave it up when I was hospitalized because my nose was too clogged to meditate. I had heard a voice that the book and tape was meant for my mom. It might actually have been something she’d like because it was so simple. She is one of the smartest people I know and doesn’t fall for gurus and doesn’t like church. I’m not going to feel guilty, I did it without knowing, if it possibly could be true.
