Thank god I know some good ones… because I’ve met a lot of bad ones.
Went to a wedding just yesterday, a lot of more faithful types of women there. Different vibes. I happen to be a pretty good looking dude. Always getting the eyes from the ladies at this point even mothers are eyeing me. Stranger to see that even the espoused ones don’t censor themselves and the men really didn’t demonstrate any jealousy issues…
One of them girls just wouldn’t quit. I barely know her man and I was totally on the side of the fence of really not giving her glances any weight… except by the end of the night I was intoxicated and she still really hadn’t quit. Eventually bored into my mind to get hung up on it.
She was a looker too. Thank god I already have my crush of the month in mind. The option to say “but yeah ■■■■ that can’t wait to get back to lawrence and find some reason to hit up that gas station.”
My sister reminded me of something I had forgot about. Being to forward puts a lot of pressure on girls. I had totally spaced on that even though it is just naturally part of my character to be patient with women.
I thought the last one was just crazy and deceitful and used that kind of talk as an excuse to not entertain my desires from her. So I’m a bit confused on that note.
At least I know the girl I like seems to actually like me this time. She get’s that same body state around me that have always been present in the women who have supported me and appreciated me the most.
Super cool. I still don’t know what to do with it though. I’d like to just ask her out. I think I should at this point. Nerves though. I only see her a couple times a week and it’s always easier to just enjoy her presence for a moment without complicating things.
Regarding sex… Nothing was more damaging to my sense of having a healthy perspective on sex than trying to sleep around. I wound up getting in good with a girl who was not good for me at all. You know… catholic… Crazy chick. Straight up jealousy issues and very lousy liar. Kind of controlling and weird.
It’s like I spent all my sex karma on that girl and now I don’t feel so genuine about the desire of having sex in my life. A strong part of me knows it’s just supposed to be there, but the pressure is way off. It’s a good ground for remaining patient, but it’s totally confusing to not feel sort of innocent and pure in allowing that to be a legitimate need or something I’m more righteous and well felt-through in wanting.
The next time I get close to a girl it’s got to have some legitimate romantic undertones or else I’m going to wind up really dissatisfied. I don’t need to impress myself or anyone else at this point. Shallow sex just fills my head with poison regarding the nature of sex in general at large. Makes me fear and loathe people.
So right… off to work. Double shift today. (They moved me to being their primary catering driver.)
