Sorry for your suffering @Noise. Please stay safe. It’s ok to go into ER or call 911 if you need to. Not all pdocs are alike. Some are excellent - some not so much. Maybe you’d reconsider seeing a different pdoc?
I hope you feel better soon. Would you consider injections?
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Please stay alive noise 
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I’m not doing meds I’m not diagnosing and treating myself why does everyone say that. I’m sorry.
I’m fine I’m just having a rough day. I’m sorry
I don’t want a new doc I like the one I have. I’m s sorry I can’t do injections either. I’m sorry
I’ll try to I’m sorry Arturo I just feel horrible
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It’s ok @Noise …promise you’ll be good to yourself? 
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I’ll try to be I’m sorry
Awww - I don’t think you need to apologize here - really - @Noise.
Good on you for going to therapy. Disassociation/voices/hallucinations are serious life issues. It’s not fun. I feel for you.
Please stay strong. I think things will get better for you.
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I don’t understand how you can be sure that meds won’t help you. You haven’t even tried them.
Most of my issues were caused by trauma, but the psychosis made everything so much worse. I would hear my family members being tortured all night long and scream about how it was all my fault. You can’t expect to be able to work through your trauma until you’re stable.
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I got triggered by something during therapy that I’ve never talked about to anyone I don’t care how stable I am what came up today would make anyone a mess I’m sorry I’m not trying to be disrespectful but in this situation I don’t think much would be different medicated or not and either way even if I decided to do meds right now it doesn’t help me in the right now.
I get triggered by things still, too. But I don’t dissociate anymore. Meds could help you with that. Yes, obviously discussing your trauma will be hard and upsetting. But it doesn’t have to totally destroy your day.
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But getting off that topic for a minute, have you ever looked into biofeedback?
I’m just starting out on trying to work through it. I know it takes time I’m sorry ninja I just want to try this in the only way I feel like I can right now.
What’s biofeedback?
It is a way of naturally training your brain to stay calm during times of stress so you don’t go into panic mode. It also helps your thoughts come more clearly.
Basically, you wear a sensor on your forehead and watch a movie. The sensor reads activity in the prefrontal cortex, where logic and reasoning take place. As you get sucked into the movie, your prefrontal cortex starts to shut down and your limbic system activates. That’s where emotions and the fight/flight response is. When that happens, the movie pauses, and then you have to concentrate on getting the movie to start again.
The trick is that you can’t get frustrated. If you’re frustrated, your limbic system stays active and the movie won’t start. You’re literally rewiring your brain through simply watching a movie (or doing some other equally easy task).
The effects are immediate, and last about a week. I have been doing it for nearly 12 years now.
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It isn’t covered by insurance, but most practitioners will offer scholarships or a sliding scale of payment.
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It doesn’t sound horrible I’d be willing to try but the not covered by insurance part makes it seem unlikely I can do it I don’t have a lot of money 
I’ll look into it though even though it’s a little scary sounding
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I just thought it might be less intimidating to you. It is entirely noninvasive. You just wear a sensor that takes your temperature, and watch an interesting movie. Whatever movie you want. There are also other types of biofeedback that monitor your heart rate or EEG signals, but I’m no expert on those.
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On a similar note, EMDR might help. Just Google EMDR.
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