Last week I replied to an email from an old colleague and then got an invitation for a lunch. We have talked over the phone but we haven’t meet since I fell ill. I cried from the beginning to the end in the restaurant.
The day after that, I attended my first session of a group for people with sz. I met some strangers and they asked me a lot of questions about my sz. I cried from the beginning to the end.
The next day, I have a job interview. I dont want to meet more strangers and answer more questions. I can’t sleep all night. I cant make myself not crying. So I chose to give up and stayed at home.
I have dinner with my sister and in law tonight. I took a shower thoroughly before I went over. My sis said I smell. My in-law said I didn’t. I myself didnt smell anything wrong. My sis said I should wash myself twice or even more.
I find it really difficult to accept the change in myself. I might feel less uncomfortable if I stay at home all day and don’t face the outside world. I intend to give myself a break. I need to make myself feel better. I don’t feel strong enough.