I walk out of home and it hurts

Last week I replied to an email from an old colleague and then got an invitation for a lunch. We have talked over the phone but we haven’t meet since I fell ill. I cried from the beginning to the end in the restaurant.

The day after that, I attended my first session of a group for people with sz. I met some strangers and they asked me a lot of questions about my sz. I cried from the beginning to the end.

The next day, I have a job interview. I dont want to meet more strangers and answer more questions. I can’t sleep all night. I cant make myself not crying. So I chose to give up and stayed at home.

I have dinner with my sister and in law tonight. I took a shower thoroughly before I went over. My sis said I smell. My in-law said I didn’t. I myself didnt smell anything wrong. My sis said I should wash myself twice or even more.

I find it really difficult to accept the change in myself. I might feel less uncomfortable if I stay at home all day and don’t face the outside world. I intend to give myself a break. I need to make myself feel better. I don’t feel strong enough.

Googles, It does sound like you’ve been in the thick of a stress trigger. Lots of movement, lots of reminders of the past, lots of new people and a mean and critical sister.

That is a lot to try and take in and deal with. Was it you who had the story that when you were younger your sisters would steal stuff from markets and blame it on you? They take money from your Mom and never pay her back?

I know it hurts, but I wish you could find away to keep telling yourself that your sisters are the mean and horrid ones, not you. You don’t make rude comments to people and try and hurt people for fun.

I do understand taking a few days to catch your breath and heal and get your strength back. The rest of the outside world is nothing like your mean sister. Your Mom loves you and said you will have a place to live.

There is only so much of your energy to go around. You might not be able to waste it on sisters who go out of their way to hurt your feelings. I hope you feel better soon.


I feel unrest tonight. Something is wrong with my heart. I feel uncomfortable I don’t know if it is angina.

Everybody told me to get a job again. I don’t feel I can hold a job. I need to get better before I work again.

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I hope you manage to see someone and get this checked out. Feeling a heart act up makes me feel even more stressed which only makes my heart hurt more. I do hope you tell your Mom and get it checked.

Thank you for being here.

I can’t sleep again. I have been trying to sleep early these two weeks but seldom success. It’s 1am and I’m still awake and alert.

Maybe there is some simple job you can handle now. Or do you feel like you can’t hold ANY job? Some jobs are not that complicated or hard. My janitor job is fairly easy. I found my niche. Even my boss says it’s a cushy job. But no job is worth having a relapse over.

  1. Your sister is a bitch.
  2. You have the worst psychological disorder in the book, take it easy.
  3. You are worth more than you give yourself credit for.
  4. I don’t like strangers either. I only associate with people from psychology classes, honors ones in particular. My other friends are old friends from a prestigious high school I graduated from. Don’t do what triggers negative feelings, I think NAMI meeting bothered me and I only went to two meetings. I dont need any reminder of my illness, I wake up in withdrawal from my meds and I will never forget my unmedicated days.

Take things one at a time- dont stress yourself before a job interview. If strangers bother you, minimize your time around them in the meantime and talk to your therapist about it. I am fully recovered and I had to take things very easy while recovering- my family members knew that public wasnt my cup of tea and until I got on the right meds and fully recovered, they didn’t tell me to do anything, which was appropriate because I did very well in school and went to the gym and had a couple of friends.


you have put much of pressure on yourself by attending many social events and crying in them and meeting harsh people, rest and you will feel better for sure, count your heartbeat rate and see if it’s irregular or too high or low and if there was sth to worry call for help but don’t be afraid cause it is 90% for the pressure you have put on yourself and your agitation.

that was a very nasty thing she said. thar would upset me very much sending hugsxxxx

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Goggles, I am so sorry your going through this and it’s upsetting you so much. Your sister is out of line and wrong. You are such a kind man and she is very hurtful.

You have been working so hard and doing so much. I can understand why this is hard for you. I hope you give yourself time to rest. I wouldn’t say say your unable to ever hold a job. I have faith in your skill and knowledge.

I know I’m on the outside looking in, but I think you push yourself so hard. You have come so far in such a short amount of time. I know you want to get your life moving forward again. I’m sure it will, but for now, it might be at a slightly slower pace. There is nothing wrong with that.

I’m glad your in-law disagreed with your sister. People are starting to see how mean she is. She’s only making herself look bad. I know it’s not easy to put up with.

I hope you manage to rest and feel better. Please see someone about the angina.


Yeah, all in good time goggles. Never say never.

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" blessed are the cracked,
for they let the light in."
hugs to you goggles, know that i care.
take care


oh my goggles,big hugs and warm loving thoughts being sent your way

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You can rob others blind, join cults, worship your own genetalia your entire life, do everything you can to not help anyone, spend hundreds on a purse, you can do all of these things…but you better be clean doin it.