I tried to go to work

I was mostly fine when I left. Bus was late and I had the intrusive thought that since I wouldn’t be able to catch the next bus to work and would be downtown that it was a sign from the universe that I should go jump off a building. So I went home instead.
I feel like such a failure and a faker and ugly and fat. I seriously hate myself and I have a laundry list of reasons why some of why I’m too ashamed to tel even my therapist. I’m just a bad person and deserve all the he’ll I’ve been put thro all the things I called abuse I deserve it all and more. I want to cut myself at the least but really I want to end my life completely. I feel completely broken

I think you’re taking this grandma comment too close to heart.

Grandmas can say shitty things,

They come from a different time.

It’s not an excuse as much as an explanation.

But anyway, you seemed pretty okay up until that point,

Now you’re questioning your worth.

I think you’ve done good to cut some of the toxic people in your life,

But now you need to focus up on yourself.

Have you tried doing positive affirmations in the mirror?

Do you journal?

It’s not that my grandma said that that’s bothering me I’ve been called fat my whole life it’s the way my parents treated me all weekend and the argued a lot and I was in like constant flashbacks and being called she and my birthname.

Not to be a jerk, but you need to get thicker skin.

People are mean, they argue, they’re insensitive.

It can’t throw you into flashbacks every time.

You need to work on you to get these problems under control.

I suggest affirmations and journaling, maybe talking to your therapist about some of those things you’ve been holding back.

I know what you’re going through is hard,

But life isn’t going to get nicer.

You have to get tough.

1 Like

Dude, listen. It’s time you check yourself in. I know you say you’ve got too much to lose, but if you don’t get help soon, you’ll risk your job, sanity, and life.
You’re spiralling, and it’s reached a point where you don’t seem able to bounce back without intervention.

You can always resume your education later. And you can always get another job.
You can’t get a new brain or an uncut set of arms. What good is money or a diploma if you’re miserable?
It’s time you seek help and focus on getting well.

2 Likes

I also feel fat and ugly, it affects me so much. partially from ex bf experiences, partially because of my psychosis experiences etc etc.

Idk man, why I’ve got to be sensitive about how others view me but I am.

3 Likes

I have cptsd from ongoing childhood abuse I’m working on it I don’t normally feel this way

In that case, I think you should follow @Pikasaur’s advice and check yourself into the hospital.

2 Likes

Because you’re a danger to yourself you need to be admitted to the hospital. You are not evil. You’re a kind person who deserves love and happiness. Please check yourself in. I’ve been where you are so I understand. But now my life is better and yours will be too. Hang in there and go to hospital

I’m tired of going to the hospital. This happens to me every few months I just need to learn how to suck it up and grow thick skin like goldenrex said.

But you need it right now. Feeling depressed and anxious and self loathing don’t go away just because you try to man up and be tough. It’s not about being tough. It’s about keeping you alive so you can have a better future

I don’t deserve to be alive, seriously everyone would be better off without me

To clarify,

I said you need to do both.

Grow thicker skin and go to the hospital.

You are very unwell right now.

You are worthy of love and kindness. Your mental illness is what’s telling you otherwise. You have uncontrolled depression and anxiety and you need treatment

I’m not going I can’t go

All I do is ruin everything. Literally everything I come into contact with. My sudden image issues are triggering for my fiance. I’m trying to hide it from her. I feel like absolute ■■■■ for doing such awful things to her

I deleted my Facebook and told my best friend I’m dipping out of everyone’s lives. I’m tired of being a burden.

Uh, everybody has some kind of shitty character trait they would rather not have. And lots of people have self hate. It’s just part of being human. No one will ever be perfect.

You’re just thinking of all your problems at the same time and that’s what gets people overwhelmed. I know it’s possible to “compartmentalize” because I do it all the time to survive. My life ain’t no picnic. Being me ain’t no picnic. I just kind of go with the flow and despite my problems I feel pretty good sometimes. I could get pretty depressed about my life but I choose to ignore some stuff, and put away other stuff for another time.

You’re going to have the whole rest of your life to reflect on your shortcomings, so don’t focus on all of them now.

I mean if schizophrenia wasn’t such a matter of life and death, your problems today would almost be funny.
I’m not laughing at you but you miss a bus and suddenly the world is going to end and you’re this terrible, horrible person. You’re just an ordinary schmuck like me, or anyone else, muddling through life having your ups and downs. Take care of yourself and put one foot in front of the other and keep going.

“Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can.
And the wisdom to know the difference.”

Work on your problems with your therapist. Maybe you did some bad things but you ain’t going to shock your therapist and she isn’t going to reject you. They’ve heard it all before and they take in stride the new depravities they hear from people. You got a lot of good advice here from everybody. If you need the hospital, then do what’s good for you and go. If you can sleep it off then maybe you’ll feel better in the morning.

1 Like

This topic was automatically closed 90 days after the last reply. New replies are no longer allowed.