I'm so ashamed of myself

A TV show broadcasted a mother in psychosis walking naked with her children and my mom was like “Why are there so many weird people out there?” without thinking that I was kinda like that too when I wasn’t mentally well.

I feel so ashamed of myself for having this disease. I’m ashamed because I have a physical disability that no one wants. I feel disgusted with myself and my life.

I’m just a burden on my family and my brother, and my brother isn’t really happy with me anyway. I should be dead by now but I guess I’m living because I’m ■■■■■■■ useless and God doesn’t want to deal with my useless c*ap.

If I talk about this to other people, no one would understand and they would all leave me. This is why I’m not planning to make any friends because there’s no way that someone would choose to be friends with me. Honestly I’m so fed up with myself and with my disgusting face, and I’m so ■■■■■■■ disgusted because I am a piece of ■■■■. Nothing makes me more angry than thinking about myself. I guess I deserve to live in a hellhole of constant pain, stiffness and all kinds of suffering because I’m a piece of ■■■■ that doesn’t deserve any love and compassion. I hope I finally understand that I don’t deserve to be loved or be appreciated.

There’s no way that I will ever feel good about myself cause there’s no way that I could be beautiful, or whatever people tell me that I am. 'Cause all of that is just ■■■■■■■■ and it’s just false. There’s no way that I could be any of those things. I am a ■■■■■■■ ■■■■■■■ and a piece of ■■■■.

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oh I am so sorry you shouldn’t say those awful things about yourself…do you have hope in life? a sunset or sunrise? flowers in the garden…anything to cheer you up in life? I am sorry…not much help.


I don’t know, whatever I do disgusts me (because they’re done by me).

I don’t feel joy in life anymore. There are certainly things I enjoy, but…you know, just feels meaningless. What am I doing when nothing can be ok?

you have to have something change…either stop berating yourself and stop anguishing over things and try baby steps to feeling better…anything !! just not the way you feel right now…

I don’t even know how. I’m stuck. I tried before…

but it’s not like people are going to change their minds, you know.

my life feels like this and it’s all my fault
i’m the culprit because I am a ■■■■■■■ ■■■■■■■
:nauseated_face: :nauseated_face: :nauseated_face: i hate my face and my life and everything about myself.

I swear you write things how I feel on daily basis lol

We feel how we feel no doubt about it. But the world keeps moving… and sadly nothing changes even when we feel sad af.

So try to hold on to the bigger picture and ride out the bad weather. And…

Take it easy

I’m sorry you are still in this foul mood @laetitia . I wish you the best. Try to not be so hard on yourself.

Nothing will change. I’m a horrible person and that will never change.

I’ll probably be hated by everyone until I die.

But you’ll be fine. Try to hang in there…

Thanks, I’ll try.

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you deserve all the blame, all the hurt, all the pain because you are a piece of ■■■■

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You are not a horrible person. You are a human being with an illness. I did a lot of ■■■■■■ up ■■■■ when I was psychotic. I hate that fact. Nothing I can do can change that. There is shame involved. I hate myself for losing total control of myself. But me and you need to keep moving forward. That’s all we can do!

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I just can’t find any worth in me. There are things I enjoy, but that doesn’t give me any worth. I’m just someone who deserves nothing but pain I guess…I think that’s why people hate me so much

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Worth is a social construct. You shouldn’t have to live up to some imaginary standards to have a right to exist.
As long as you do what you can and have good intentions, you’re good.
And you do.

I really think you should look into getting sessions from an online therapist, I’m sure you could have them without the family knowing.

Who is hating? What are you talking about? Are people mean to you?

sorry to hear you feel like this @laetitia

you are not worthless…

i hope you can start to see you are worth to be alive soon… i used to feel like you but it got better over time… so i will just say hang in there =/

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If anything you could blame your family - its their genes that made you like this.
I don’t see why you feel the need to blame yourself. Like it obviously isn’t something you’ve wished upon yourself, or done anything to deserve. It just happens. I’m sorry you feel so guilty about it and that your mother can be so unsupportive and insensitive.

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