Depersonalisation reigns supreme
I am not a nice person
Wish things could have turned out differently but here we are
Sometimes I wonder about how if I made decisions in life differently than I did things might get better
Confidence and self esteem are pretty low
I drain the life force of those near to me
I can relate to this.
Polite disagreement.
(((hugs)))
Even if you believe this to be true, this is something that is within your power to change.
It’s too late in the day now. I am disappointed in myself for who I am and what I have become
I wouldn’t put myself out if I was on fire
It’s never too late to change if you have the desire to do so. I’m 49 years old. I smoked for over 30 years. I’m now into the second month of quitting. I also am significantly altering my diet I have had for ages to try to lose weight and improve blood sugar levels. These are drastic changes to me, but I am improving in all these areas. You can do the same if you motivate yourself to do so. I have faith in you.
My poor decisions still affect my life and the person I am today.
But I forgive myself. I can’t change the past. Time is linear.
Even still I can’t even say I am doing well either.
Your internal dialog (if its that) seems really critical of you.
Ugh. Don’t say that about yourself and fire.
I’d also say that some of it may not be changes you need to make to yourself, but changes that you should make about your attitude about yourself. Your self esteem seems particularly low tonight.
I am sick of listening to the conversation of abuse
The punishment is a constant and there is nothing I can do to control it
Have tried my best but it’s not good enough
Never is
I relate to this so much. But you’re a nice person. You’ve offered a lot of good advice to me when I was sick.
I have like 0 self-esteem and confidence.
We often are our own harshest critiques. As someone else I’d say your a good dude. Just the impression I get and I’m pretty social and know some things about friendship and relationships. I think it gets harder the more your by yourself if you think like that and it kinda becomes overwhelming.
I think you’d know I’d recommend volunteering or something interesting to you like gaming or similar. Just try making connections outside your focus. I know that is hard but sometimes you need to try that first step to make some change.
I think you should work on self love. You could start by saying ‘I love you’ in the mirror. Also exercising and taking care of your body can help.
I wish you the best of luck in the process.
I feel the same thing about these things. People tell me I’m a very negative person. I have tried to change but I feel like a false person when I do. I feel the change needs to be genuine which it isn’t. I feel like a social robot regurgitating lines.
Don’t dwell so much in the past. I used to be obsessed about the past. Thinking of things that might have been differently if I hadn’t done so much stupid ■■■■. Or when people hurt me.
We are here and need to take responsibility of who we are.
Well, I think I’m a nice person and the only thing about me I don’t like is that I’m fat. That’s why I’m trying to lose some weight, to improve my self esteem.
As velociraptor said, I politely disagree. I haven’t been back on this forum again that long, but I love and benefit from reading your posts and associating with you here. If I see it’s your thread, I make sure to open it. Not only do you not drain my life force, you have often given me insights I hadnt considered, and that really helps me a lot!
Having said that, I have been where you are in this moment many times, and relate to your feelings. I too send great big hugs, and I can’t give any hugs out lightly due to my illness, much less great big ones.
Thanks for your comments
Think that all this reliance on a cocktail of meds really isn’t a good solution
The problem is my mind goes to dark places a lot of the time
Don’t know what it is but my inner monologue just gives me abuse like the voices do sometimes
I get flashbacks of things that I have done or that happened to me that puts me down
Sorry to be negative but I am feeling quite low
What I don’t understand is why the bad stuff is so potent and the good just doesn’t come to me easily
It’s like a spiral sometimes and I get all tied up in knots
Yes, I feel the same way about meds sometimes. They’re never going to be perfect. And I’m on my 6th antidepressant trying to combat those negative feelings, but 10 mg of Prozac only does so much. More than that and I go manic. Damn meds.
I wish I knew why the negative often comes so easily but the positive can be so elusive. @shutterbug often recommends CBT for times like this, which I hope to start learning from my psych nurse if I can stop monopolizing my weekly appointments with freaking med management issues!
My most hated words when I am like this are hang in there. I always think, I have no desire to hang in here, it sucks, and to use your words, sucks my life force out. But I do hope you feel better soon. I don’t like seeing you be so mean to yourself, but I also have been where you are too many times. Hopefully it passes again for you soon and gives you some relief.
Oh, and I too am haunted by flashbacks! I ruminate relentlessly on stuff I did 30 years ago that the other person has prolly long since forgotten.
Right now I have been wide awake since 3:30 again - my sza is kicking my booty this week - and it’s funny you say that, because I have myself all wired up again about the guy I yelled at for trying to kiss me in 1988. I really wanted him to do it, but I was scared of what I was feeling, so I chased him away. It’s not at all that I wonder what could have been, it’s that I completely lashed out and made him feel so rejected and inappropriate. I beat myself up for that regularly, all the way in 2022. Shaking my head at myself. But there’s other things that haunt me in flashbacks too, in addition to my sexual abuse ones that always throw me into an obsession with being dirty and having the urge to drain all my blood out because it has my father’s genes in it
May not be identical to your flashbacks youre talking about, but I very much relate to your statement. Me too, my friend.