Also, no need to assume a label or sexual orientation unless it makes things more comfortable for you. If you feel the label “asexual” describes you and helps you get through tough conversations about this kind of thing then by all means use it. And I hope it makes things easier for you.
I’m so done with sex, the only thing I stay healthy for is the chance to have a child. once that happens, ill happily never get laid again.
If you are asexual then what exactly is the problem?
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I agree with @Blizzard.
The problem is that there’s a difference between not wanting sex because I don’t want it, and not wanting it because I’m scared of it.
I don’t want to be scared, and I don’t want to freak out when I do things that used to be comfortable for me, like kissing and cuddling.
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Do as u like !!! @Berru…!!! U are a wise person…!!!
Wow, I’m going through so much of the same right now. My poor boyfriend is getting the brunt of it too because he is faithful to me and needs that need met…at least some of the time. Every time he initiates any kind of intimacy I get freaked out and leave the room. I feel bad because he is a beautiful person inside and out and so kind.
I’m talking about it in therapy. It’s hard. Like really ■■■■■■■ hard. And all my symptoms flare up talking about it. Flashbacks. Paranoia. Voices. All the loveliness. BUT I feel (at least in my case) that when processing this kind of thing that it gets worse before it gets a million times better. I’m trying to keep my eyes on the latter.
Professional therapy isn’t the only way though. It’s probably just the most accessible, feasible, and likely the only long lasting solution. Other options include:
Entering into a relationship with an asexual partner
Avoiding any type of romantic partnership
Entering into a typical relationship and forcing yourself to do the things
Do research and try to process on your own
I’m sure there are more but those are the only ones I can think of. All of which are not nearly as effective as therapy with a mental health professional and are not likely to solve your problem but rather mask it.
It’s shitty to have to talk about the trauma. It’s awkward to have to talk about your sex life and habits. But in the end it seems like the best logical course of action for someone in your position.
Regardless of what you choose to do, you will get through this. Hoping the best for you Berru. Message me if you have questions about my processing experience or even just to talk. You’re so kind, I’d be glad to share.
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Thank you 
I’ll message you soon
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I’ll be here ️
I do get turned on when I’m alone, or sometimes even when I’m with other people, that’s not the problem. The problem is that I’m not able to perform.
And I don’t touch marihuana. Been there, done that, to put it that way.
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I think that brings me right back to my post about not wanting to get the thread closed due to religious discussion.
But I would like to say that as an atheist / semi-buddhist, I don’t think I would be a very good fit for a christian person to date.
oh yea now i remember about the religious post mentioned.
well if you still get turned on but cant perform… have you tried researching your case online to find out what other people are into?
when i was a asatruar or heathen there was a woman in my kindred who told me that she was molested as a young girl and now sex for her is painful… last time i talked to her she said she was a sadist. if you want maybe i can try getting a hold of her sometime and asking her?
I am aware of my fetishes and/or turn-ons, and I am able to “perform” when I’m alone, but I don’t do those things often. Maybe once a week or so.
My doctor told me I have vaginism, but that it’s most likely caused by mental problems. It’s those mental blockages I’m having problems with.
hmm… do you think it could be a life phase you are going through with the mentality blockage? maybe being hypnotized through one of those vids on youtube for sex can help? otherwise you may just need to ride out the phase in this part of your life till the next chapter?
My fear is that by ignoring it or waiting for it to get better, like I have done, it will get worse. And it seems like it has.
sounds like youre starting to make some progress then. good things come to those who wait, maybe you just need to wait for the right one to come along that helps you forget about all the frustration
I still say read over that sexual effects inventory that I posted. It helped me a lot.
Thank you, I will
I just haven’t taken the time yet. It seems like it’s something I should do when I have the energy and time.
You really don’t have to do anything you don’t like and the other person should be understanding.
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