The thing is I did ask for help and no one came I was scared for my life for over a year and not once could anyone make time for me. I still think about how if I had died from that condition I don’t think anyone would have noticed for a while.
All I needed was for someone to check on me but no one ever even tried.
It literally killed all the love I had in my heart for any of them
The instant I stopped being useful they stopped caring so why should I care
And yes everyone has their struggles but for an entire year not one of them can be bothered enough to pretend to care?!?!
But I’m sure I’m in the wrong cause if there’s one thing I know it’s that I’m always wrong
I mean and outside of that garbage I know others hate me literally just for existing the way I do and I’m just so tired
Same here. I can start off liking someone but soon enough i just feel like they dont like me and then i isolate or blocked them off, only persistent people get access to me
When I had that experience, the conclusion I came to was different. My conclusion was “Wow, I must have really screwed up in my relationships if this is where I am now.” Part of that was prioritizing the wrong people. Part of that was scaring off that right people. I have come to learn that the kinds of people who are reliable in a crisis are the kind of people who are slow to trust. The kind of people who are immediately suspicious if you offer too much up front. The kind of people who feel “what is your favorite color” is a deeply personal question. The kind of people who deeply value consistency. The kind of people who will never talk to someone again if they are shouted at. The kind of people who know how far they can extend themselves without over-exerting, and expect others to know the same.
IDK your real life friends/relationships. I know how you treat people here. That’s only a brief snapshot of your life, but it is an insightful one. You treat people badly when you feel threatened. You feel threatened by any negative feedback. You openly ask for feedback, hoping it will be positive. This can only lead to one conclusion: Driving away honest people, and being surrounded by liars.
I feel this too … with some people… with people i have romantic interest in, some family, at school, when I was working… I don’t understand it.
There was a guy I met recently. We had a instant connection but I couldn’t help feeling like he wasn’t really interested so I ended it before he could. Which was probably stupid.
Depression is a ■■■■■■■■■■■■. My experience with it came from overtraining in sports it can drain your neurochemicals and cause depression. No matter how positive my affirmations were i suffered. It wasnt until i learned how much rest and time off i needed that my mind got better. Id imagine medication is necessary for people whos brains chemicals are messed up naturally.
I mean you’re wrong about the liars part the one that tries hardest to lie is the one that was closed off and untrusting and the others I wouldn’t really call liars. Also fun fact I’m the least open one in the group so thanks for valuing me I guess.
As for my aggression I’ve had quite a few sour experiences on this site
Not to mention as you mentioned your and my relationship are strained at best so I tend to get extremely defensive with you cause honestly it’s a once bitten twice shy situation. Sidenote I’m not trying to be a dick here but I’m just trying to explain
But I digress I know I seek validation from others it is something I worked on in therapy it’s a really slow road especially when pretty much everyone you love and care about forgets you exist because you’re sick.
And I’ve been struggling with the whole “it must be something I did” " I must have been a terrible friend" “obviously they can’t deal with it” etc. But honestly maybe I’m just grieving I basically had to grieve myself so now that I’m probably not dying all those feelings have to go somewhere they aren’t just going to disappear.
things do hurt me deeply this is something I know to be true
I can change how I react but it’s still painful and yeah sometimes I over react but at the end of the day I can’t just flick a switch and change how I feel. And currently I feel hurt and honestly angry that none of my friends seemed to care enough to bother to check on me. Simple as that
It sounds like depressive delusion?
feeling the same. From the start of my ilness I’ve always felt like everyone is looking at me, talking behind my back (mostly wrong things), and simply hating me :))
Even though I know I am not that interesting to be such popular.
can you tell us all the story ?
what they are talking about you ? what they are speaking about you ?exactly ?
why do you think they want to hurt you ?
if you want me to respond to you good specific response
