I still hate them. I still think about them. I wish I could forget them.
It’s the same BS every day.
I want to prove them wrong but then again, I have this illness.
What to do?
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You are giving their actions power long after the events are over. You don’t have to prove anything to anyone.
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You sound like you need distractions in the present to stop thinking about the past.
Is there anything that grabs your attention that you could do?
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I agree with @Bowens, don’t give them that power over you. 
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Do you enjoy giving your bullies continuing power over you?
Because that’s what you’re doing.
Move on.
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What did these bullies do?
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Yeah, I guess you are right. When I was growing up I thought about getting somewhere in life. I dreamt of getting away from those a-holes and achieving something, making something good about myself. Then they all got stuck in my head, I became depressed.
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If you choose to do something in life, do it for yourself or those who are important to you. Not for people who bullied you God knows how many years ago.
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That’s the problem. I don’t have any hobbies nor do I have the ability to focus on a task.
I told my doc on several occasions that I can’t concentrate but he just ignored me.
I just check ebay and this forum from time to time. Then I lie on the couch for the most part of my day. Ruminating on everything.
These negatives are crippling.
I had a Nintendo switch but sold it because I wasn’t using it.
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I guess I wish I could find some kind of strength in me. But I’m also tired off thinking because it doesn’t lead up to anything.
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Honestly, you need to come up with a game plan.
You can’t let these negative thoughts control your life.
Maybe you need to ask for support for this to a therapist or a mentor.
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The regular stuff called me fat, ugly, stupid. They beat me up. Slapped me in the face.
One guy forced me to be nice around him. It was really humiliating.
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Yes, you are right. It’s not high school anymore.
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Yeah that sounds horrible
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You are right about having a game plan.
I’m stuck in this void and I don’t have anything to fill it with. I’m only thinking about negative stuff.
I wish I could move to a different city and start fresh again. Somehow I got stuck in my home town.
But that’s not the issue. The issue is me not doing anything. Sure, I suffer from negs but I need to start doing something. I’m getting nowhere being like this.
But doing stuff for me is like climbing a huge mountain. I have several books I started reading, didn’t finish a single one of them. I had games I wanted to play, didn’t do it. I have no hobbies, I don’t even watch tv.
With everything I have to force myself. And it takes so much effort. My willpower depletes and I’m back on square one.
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You were going to the gym for a while.
Do you think you can push yourself to go back?
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It’s going to be -14 degrees and snowing. I don’t like going to the gym when the weather is like this. When it’s around 0 degrees I’m fine. I don’t use public showers so I have to walk home in my sweaty clothes, when it’s below -14 it gets really cold and freezing. Also I only go in the morning or late evening. Less people there and it keeps my paranoia in check.
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I hope things get better for you in spring.
Maybe make an exercise plan.
In the meantime you could do some exercises indoors like sit-ups, lunges, squats etc
Maybe tomorrow you’ll feel better and have enough energy to take a step forward.
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Yes, you are right. Thank you for your encouragement.
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Do EMDR on yourself. It worked for me. Now I can think about it and it not hurt.