I had a deep heartfelt hatred for a bully who manipulated and tormented me when I was younger. I hated his guts, I hated his guts deeply and I wanted to kill him. He took pleasure from manipulating me. He bullied me and caused me a lot of trouble and hate. He laughed at my hurt. I hated him with a passion as he took pleasure at seeing me frustrated and angry and hurt at the situation. I hated him. He laughed at that.
I used to think of killing him. As I said I hated him deeply. I found out where he worked in town and I used to cycle into town every day at about 4pm and wait outside his workplace for him to leave. I remembered to do this like clockwork daily. But I never found him (seemingly he did not work in that office). My mental descent got worse when I found out this bully was taking pleasure from my mental state and he was laughing at me. I hated him.
My mental state deteriorated and I began making anonymous phone calls to him where I would be silent. I hated him. I wanted to kill the ■■■■■■. I hated him with a passion. He is evil. He found out I was making the anonymous phone calls and laughed. This wounde me up further. I hated him. I still hate him, even 15 years later. I still hate him. But I have to learn to forgive him. And the only way I can do this is to know that he is a product, a product of his environment. I need to forgive as I know the hate has caused me trouble for myself. The emotional bitterness, the hate, its just a downward spiral.
You have to learn to forgive, and to know that if you lived that bullies life, you’d be the exact same person. His ignorance has him where he is. And the only way to stop the downward spiral to hate (and the further humiliation for my self) is to forgive. I need to forgive and let the barbed wire round my soul be removed.