I am writing this thread, not only for me, but also for some here that might identify yourselves with what I am about to say. First of all, I got the illness since I was 8-10 years old, at least that was a prodromal stadium. This is very important to refer, as I was bullied in school since I wasn’t like the other “kids”, I was strange, so, I had developed defenses and I treated the others as they deserved it. This kept going in school, living in deep depression because I couldn’t watch the lectures and I was getting bullied, and with the defenses and all, until I met a person who really hated me and changed my life for the worst. I don’t say I was happier before her, but at least I could defend myseld and not becoming a prey of other “nice” and “kind” people. Since then, even if I felt stronger than the years at school, I started to become a victim. She made me feel guilty for all this defense, and made me think I was a bad person in her own way. So, I tried to become a “better” person, but this was really against me. Instead of hurting the others that hurt me, I hurt myself, so I got double-hurt. How many wounds can a person tolerate? I am wondering about this. I never had a day that I felt really happy, because I 've been through a lot, hurting myself a million times just for the others who are guilty to never get “hurt”. But now with therapy I can see a light coming. I am trying to remember my old self, that puts everyone in his/her place like I used to do in the past and hope that I 'll become stronger because I always backed down by others treatments. It’s really important not to stand on the surface, how beautiful or how happy or smily a person can be, but we have to look inside us and them, who makes us feel good and who doesn’t, to avoid bad people. Up until now, everytime someone told me something bad, I just accepted it not to hurt him/her back, now I think I 'll try to be stronger and fight those toxic people. And moreover, most normies are toxic people, I 'm sure of that. I hope I will help others who suffer as well, so as not to become weak anymore. However, I might be the only one who goes through this, I don’t know, you can still tell me your opionion on how to change if you 'd like to.
I think you are going in the right direction -to get back to being your old self.
It’s really important not to stand on the surface, how beautiful or how happy or smily a person can be, but we have to look inside us and them, who makes us feel good and who doesn’t, to avoid bad people.
^Solid response, Redrose.
Snakes in Suits is a sledgehammer, non-fiction book for decent folks.
I have had worthwhile experiences with warm folks.
Why am I proactive? A lot of work is done on my behalf to work past the head-horrors that invade areas of my muted-warrior frame.
I have been bullied. I won’t go into traumatic experiences.
Instead of hosting attitudinal inferiority towards myself, as I am guilty of hosting in the past, I settle near woodsy noises that comfort me or play podcasts that inform me.
People who say and do bad things it’s a part of life. I have a lot of friends, they are not perfect, but we have to work at staying friends. Friends takes work and fitting in. It’s important to fit in a niche that are people like yourself. Try observing people and groups. Ask yourself where you would like to fit in. This is life if you want friends. Friends are everything. Read some books on how to have friends and how to transform yourself to being who you are but with zest, life and quality. You stay who you are and you transform yourself into that person who has friends, who is happy. An example would be. I make myself to find a group of people that I like, they have similar interest, similar backgrounds, they live in similar neighborhoods, similar hobbies, similar careers. Once I find this group, I observe quietly not to alarm anyone and I watch there mannerisms, how they dress, do they like coffee or tea, where they shop. You are taking notes of all of this. This is healthy and we usually learn this as a baby. You are the observer. Then once all your data research is together on the group then you transform yourself into the very person so you blend in. You do the same things and pretty soon, with patience those people will come up to you and be your friend. This is human nature and this is nature nurture. Read books and videos on how to have friends.
Thanks for your answer, but it’s the first time I am hearing this. I try not to retreat to others, not become their follower! I don’ t think they deserve it anyway.
You can be the leader but you have start some where, it’s like a list. Take your list and write ten things down from most important to least important. Start doing the list from number one, being your priority until you completed your list. It’s effort. It’s all about love and feeling connected.
As I was talking about previously, the truth is that I have been bullied many times, I have been betrayed or dumped many times, so, I don’t believe in love. I am trying though now, not to reproduce all the violence I was accepting and maybe try to accept people as they are. But perhaps I 've done mistakes too. The bad thing is, that I always for example in school rejected one person, but for that reason, I was rejected by the whole class which is 30 times worse than what I did. And also, even if I didn’t say anything to this person for example, they would find something else to charge me with. So, I don’t trust people. But maybe you are right, I have to stay connected because it’s for my own good.