In the past i was in such bad state that i didnt know whats wrong with me… now, sometimes i feel for some few seconds that my emotions are coming back… but gosh, i went far. Its not only emptiness and negativity that i have, it started to hurt my soul… briefly, my illness became even physically painfull, its so bad,yes…
I struggle a lot to remain patient too. But i became bad in my illness, really 
. I have bad thoughts toward others, its not nice… I also experience some strange states because of the meds. They are definitely strange meds… Who else here who has bad “kick ins” on them? Those pills are not harmless i would say. But i cant do it now without them i guess…
Somebody here who is fighting to regain positive emotions too? I wish i feel better already after a hole life of madness…
Yeah I deal with that too. I used to be as tough as they come and I’ve picked myself appart so many times trying to understand things that I’m soft as crap.
My buttons are easily pushed alot of the time on purpose. Even things that don’t even phase me and I don’t care about can be used to affect my emotions. It’s like I don’t care about this but someone does so it makes me try to be empathetic
Yeah, the same here… i suffered a lot though by comments like “dont you see that your emotions are dead?” from people who didnt care about my history… Otherwise, my paranoia is also an obstacle to the positive emotions, i have a lot of anxiety too.
I am not sure that i dont need more meds. But like i said, they all have terrible effects on me per moments. They really doesnt help my stability per moments. It remain for me a strange drug i find… i am not stable in my illness, it all comes per different states in one day.
I am saying to myself that once i will feel happy, ill get used to it and i wont crash as now… But now still, i feel jealousy and anger… Idk what meds for this… I am not sure that i believe in meds for these things… It sucks that i struggle so much to not be a psycho like this…
@Gonehuntin, do you have feelings like this? envy, rage? Is it a part of the illness? nice yeah…i try to avoid them that’s why i overthink for the most of the time now but it still doesn’t help much lol 
…
Hugs dear, lets continue fighting.
anna how are u today…have u slept well yesterday…i hope soon u will find positive emotion my friend…keep fighting anna ur strong…!!!
I have what I guess pwople could perceive as envy bit it’s me trying to push people away. I get bery angry when I hear certain voices. Because they invade my privacy and put me at a level of awarness that is uncomfortable
Oh, ok i see… Sorry for your voices, i understand. Me, its mostly emotional pain that make me reject others… I am quite disabled on my emotions, i guess its not your case. Me, its my paranoia and my irritability who make me feel uncomfortable around others. You, you have your voices yes…
Damn, i guess i didn’t grow in the ‘‘best’’ family either…
i grew in a family with abusive parent… i saw the hell with all this. We are all survivors here. I once heard a pdoc saying that he never knew a schizophrenic who didn’t go through hell in his environment too…
Dont meds work on your voices? me, i just became bad and envious. i guess its harder than your case. Me, i have my bad thoughts .
Far, i didn’t sleep again. I slept for 20 hours yesterday…
I almost wish I had derealization.
Look at the people with schizophrenia you know. Many have their own families or go to school or work part time, or even just manage to function decently and keep a happy mood. Some participate in the community through volunteering, church, dance or exercise clubs, support groups, etc. Some lead very meaningful lives. This could be you. Stop waiting for things to get better and just live. It’s not in your control if you will get better. I have been improving over time but I don’t just sit there waiting to improve more, I push myself to do things right now and try to forget about whether I will get better or not since that’s in the future. My therapist tells me to relax and be less involved but the less I do the lazier I get. Push yourself to do activities that improve your quality of life. Learn to be independent as this is a great way to feel good about yourself. The more you let your parents do for you, the more you feel worthless. Help others with your skills, work on self improvement like loosing weight, make yourself useful to others in some way and not just a burden. Any step you take is a memory you’ll feel happier about later. If there’s one best cure for mental illness it is to not stay home all day everyday. Find activities to do like odd jobs, jogging, biking, class, buying groceries, library, etc. From support group and personal experience I learned this helps a lot. A big part of recovery is therapy and soft recovery skills and it works just as well as drugs do to make you feel better. Self improvement isn’t going to solve all your problems but it is probably the best medicine available to you with today’s technology. Hope you do more of the things you want and feel better about your life.
Anger grief and lust
– i suffered a lot though by comments like “dont you see that your emotions are dead?–
The comments you suffered from is nothing. I was told by person who had to care about me that ”you have no illness, you are ok when I knew that I was dead inside. At least yours notice that something is wrong with you, mine didnt notice anything or didnt want to notice.