hi people!
ive made a crisis of hysteria yesterday in front of my mom. she told me that ill never get better. she keeps saying only this cause she sees no progress since years. but I am not a saint me too… I never told her that I love her. my soul hurts so I dont want to say it artificially. but how was it about you? did you regain in positive emotions and feelings even on meds? or meds are a killer of those ones? sometimes, I cant think well also. I cant get a movie or a book, see the deeper senses etc etc…
Things can always get better. You never know when it’ll happen. When I started to feel things again, it was like a light switch got flipped somewhere in my brain. Suddenly, I just felt absolutely everything, and I had no way to shut it out, and no coping skills. It was way too intense. Over time, I learned to actually enjoy having emotions. Maybe one day a light switcxh will get flipped for you, too.
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and what if it doesn’t come? meds are a help on this aspect or they do the opposite in your opinion? I want feelings. people are taking me for some kind of monster because I am too cold, you see…
maybe I need time. for my mother, without effrots I wont regain in emotions. but I am too tired to do efforts tbh. a vicious circle. and the fault is mine maybe… too down in the abyss…
10 months that I am on Zyprexa but I am sick since child…
If it doesn’t come, you just do the best you can with what you have.
My community took a lot from a lot of the local women who just met with the wrong people… I worked with the sex abuser family who was introducing him around and ended up having a nervous which was more common of the women who lived alone due to PTSD. Other women & males from the workplace cracked, chick was bragging about messing them up.
I could write a long one about moving around and getting ruined in several different places because of who I met…I get work right away but area tells you that you might be killed for hearing the voices there and you need to leave…Then return to my home town and other victims were ruined from the work they had studied at the college and told to work fast food – would not leave her alone at fast food. Males will get you fired even to land a woman to mooch here…I have no other work I can do here and threatened so badly by the blackball at multiple business networking groups on same day by different people, I’m afraid to even ask a former coworker for a favor. The local churches took up a crusade of sorts against people who just turn out to be ex-wive of wealthy, unwilling mistress or worked with sex abuser family, and use their jobs to screw you and harassed, spat at and threatened for going near anything here except in/out shopping. Try to use the gym and wallet stolen from locked up lockers and vehicle ran into after kids talked nuts to me…This is usual way the REALLY NICE YMCAs here treated the women. Get threatened for trying to use the city recreation center and chased down while on walks sometimes…
Not even sure how to talk back to the crazies, told some of the professional ones who do medical work here to leave me alone and someone hit my car while I was at the DR. Even had a few customers laugh at me and asked me ‘how did you like this doctor?’
This place is a lunatic asylum with no good jobs left. The devil worshipper church thing drove their weaklings so crazy, some of these males will mess up their own mom.
My parents never called me anything nice anyway. I went behind their back and bought a cheap house to fix up with intention to move out there later so I can be in a quiet place to just work my internet jobs and start again. Is smaller town so I feel safer than city with the weirdos following around customers at the stores and threaten us, then try to look at tag # after following someone to their car. Lady who used the mall and clerk pulled this got raped and killed here. At least the cops caught this guy.
I have hard family to even like.
We were told as children that this area usually ruins people and is horrible professional/career choice to stay. Needed to keep two houses so you had an okay place to go where they knew you once this area ruined you and you wanted to leave. Was told NONE of our family who managed to get wealthy/comfortable even would EVER help us financially. If they tried to help, they lose everything. Later just becomes obvious that you are tolerated because you won’t break their pretty possessions or steal probably. Only reasons some of the parents are being less hard nosed about it is because this whole Millennial generation was subjected to so much mental illness and torture of strangers earlier in life, some cannot take care of themselves or their city is so worked over like my hometown, cannot even support yourself any longer…
You ain’t alone. I run a bit manic anyway so I’ll be okay. My parents and childhood were not a thrill anyway so…My 20s went great self supporting and living independently, but earning a modest living…
Maybe you could work on saving for an RV? I NEVER answer anything nutty said to me any longer as we were taught in professional circles to avoid these unless you want to follow one of the ‘influencers’ (abusives) as a slave.
so you people, did you lose your positive feelings because of the illness? for me, it was the case… but I still will have to figure if meds are contributing to not feel positive emotions… my mother says that ill have to live like this. but for me, its no way… I dont want to be a zombie freak… its hard when you cant feel sane love, joy etc etc… for you, the meds reduced your emotions? I should hope that they ll return with the time isn’t it?
take care 
It is the emotional agony brought along by this illness that messed with my thought processes. Our meds are tranquilizers and I do not think they mess with our emotions. I would rather say they can create a window of opportunity for us to try and regain some of our natural senses and emotions…so yes I do think that your feelings will come back even on meds…if not all at once then little by little.
Currently I suffer heavily with negative symptoms. I have a real struggle getting out of bed. In the same way you might feel zombified because of this illness but it certainly do not make you a monster. If you cannot tell your mom to her face you love her and you’re scared how it may come out, maybe you should write her a nice letter or a poem. I’m sure she will recognise the fact that it comes straight from your heart.
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wow fellowman thanks yeap, I felt like a monster for years. it was autodestrcutive too. me too I still cant go out a lot. once, because of the paranoia, and second, because of the lack of energy. me too I have some bad thought processes. maybe ill try to add a small dose of xeroquel, ill see.
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This is a great suggestion. I have done this plenty of times with therapists and doctors as I struggle to get my point across if I don’t know them or meeting them for the first time.
It worked in that situation, maybe it’s worth a try? If I was to do this, I would probably mail it so she reads it when your not there so she can take it all in without her giving you her initial reaction.
This is why I like this type of communication. Writing gives you time to organise your thoughts in a way you could never achieve by talking.
Hope it goes well.
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Dance on the ashes of whats left…