I only feel safe in my room

Geeze today was hard. I had hiring paperwork at Publix and I legit went crazy while sitting next to my hiring manager. I kept doing this mind switch thing with him and he was like woah your weird I don’t know if its a good idea to hire you.
I was so embarrassed. And I keep on doing the mind switch thing over and over and I keep repeating the same bad thoughts. (Outloud)
People around me like sense something is different with me.
I keep hearing the explanation that I have a shot out mind. Which is really scary and makes me want to give up.

This is hard guys.
Moms switching my insurance over to be accessible in Alabama (where I live) so hopefully she does that soon and I can get to a doctor.

I wish I had some drugs to ease my mind. Anything.

no drugs…just the docs meds - you need to talk to him soon and explain this so he can help. Hopefully your mom will get it changed quickly. Do they have out-of-state care on the plan - then you could go sooner.

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No out of state besides er visits :’(

I hope you get some help stillhavehope. Even if it takes a while hang it there it will get better. Even if you made yourself look bad or something next to your hiring manager don’t worry. I’m know that there are others out there that will hire you. If the job market is bad you can try to get a degree. You can see a doctor and not have insurance. I don’t have insurance right now because I’m jobless. I see a place that is free. I don’t know if they have emergence health care network where you are but they are the ones that see me for free.

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I went to a free clinic in the state I lived in before I moved here. I didn’t like it at all… I’m excited to go somewhere that will treat me like a paying customer and something that’s not government funded. They seemed to care less about my situation there. Plus the only thing they could prescribe for my anxiety was vistaril(e?) And it was as weak as benadryl. Didn’t do anything. They couldn’t prescribe any controlled substances.

I’m just going to urge my mom to switch the insurance asap

don’t take it all so seriously… the head noise sucks but it doesn’t have any weight on what is really going on…

I’ve got spectators “watching” me all day… I’m constantly managing basically everyone’s internal disposition to me at all times… it’s a crockload of bs… it doesn’t effect anything even when I delve into murderous slanderous perversion of whatever the ■■■■ insanity I can come up with to dissuade the inner sense of being controlled.

It’s not real. Don’t take it seriously.

Good luck miss hopeful.

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I know right?? Me too.

Its like I can’t even think cause as soon as I do I hear “don’t think like that” like I’m not thinking the right way. So I try to think a different way and then I hear “stop!!!” “Something’s wrong with the way you think” I get upset and then I hear “oh cut it out its not a big deal” uh yes it is a big deal. Every time I try to think I’m told to stop. Its really really irritating.

I always think “oh. So this is what its like to go crazy”

So discouraging.

I’d just try to keep yourself grounded with more physical processes… I’d extend that to covering drawing and writing… get’s your mind working too… will prove it’s not useless.

I do disdain almost every second of this illness… but life is still pretty good. Find ways to entertain yourself that don’t depend on people. There are many crafts out there.

I’m terribly sorry that you have to deal with these symptoms. They are debilitating and not fun… Take care.

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Any advice for when I start work and I feel like I’m the only one who’s thoughts are all heard outloud? I don’t want to end up getting attention from customers and co workers. Once I start thinking about all my thoughts being heard out loud I start thinking crazy thoughts that are very embarrassing to be heard by others. Public humiliation. X10.
Any grounding techniques or anything?

That’s the word that generally describes my thought process/ thoughts.
:’(

I can totally identify with this. When I’m under the delusion that other people can hear my thoughts, and I have vocal hallucinations of other people’s responses, I have the tendency to start thinking the most offensive thoughts- like I’m trying to “scare” people away from reading my mind. However- it’s all delusion and hallucination. People can’t hear your thoughts, and you aren’t hearing theirs. It’s all a product of your own brain. Try to remind yourself of this, and get yourself a psychiatric doctor and the right medicine as soon as possible. Once you’re on the right medication, the whole telepathy experience will go away, or at least decrease and you’ll have the insight to know it is not real.

you type clearly enough… I think you just gotta be watchful and keep yourself well vocally exercised.

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Thank you for describing it like this. This is exactly what I will tell the doctor I have (once I finally find one).

Just being on here (the fourms) tonight and being reassured it IS a delusion makes it a lot easier to think. My mind automatically assumes that my thoughts interrupt people and I’m really annoying and something’s wrong with me because my thoughts are the only ones broadcasted. I’m not explaining this good enough. But I tried.
The way you would put it would probably be much better.

Let me add I’m not the only one being broadcasted. That makes it sound even more unlikely its happening. In my mind this happens to everyone but everyone knows how to control it and they knke how to be heard when they want to be heard, and they know when to shut up. My problem is I can never shut up… And I only make people hear embarrassing untrue things. …making me feel stupid.

I write this comment on every post but I do wish I was capable of writing this experience in a better way. :confused:

I’ve dealt with that paradox… truth is though, if you actually talk to people you’ll find they have just as much going on in there as you do.

It has helped me a bit to try and not “speak” at “them”… rearranging the wording and context of my thoughts to be private and only spoken for the self… about the self… and not about others or the mysteries of this illness.

At the end of the day though I always revert to myself… whatever state of self that is. Frankly I’m pissed about the whole ordeal and it makes it tough to not focus on the illness. Focusing on it feeds it. I call it a psychotic focus… it must be identified and rejected… all the different things that lead to a focus on the psychosis. However there is a grey area of thoughts about psychosis… picking it apart from the outside.

The psychotic focus is not good at all… however framing up the psychosis in a layer of realism and acceptance of the possibility it is just an internal mess of a mental illness and that I’m ill… that kind of thinking is probably better in the long run. At least as a coping mechanism.

all this talk just makes me wish I could hang out with 100% schizos… as unrealistic a dream as that is.

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You’re describing it just fine. When my pseudo-telepathy first occurred, I thought the same thing that you did- that everyone was telepathic and I was just the only one who couldn’t control mine. I thought that the entire world had always been telepathic and that I was just a “late bloomer” who hadn’t realized it- and that other people really hated me because I just “broadcasted” everything and didn’t know how to keep thoughts to myself. I still fall for the delusion from time to time, but usually snap out of it fairly quickly. I know it feels very, very real- but it’s not.

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couldn’t have said it better my self.
The whole comment you just posted made SO MUCH SENSE to me. It sounds like you’re going through what I’m going through.

I’ve been so over this way of thinking taking over my life lately that I’ve been getting aggressive. I feel like I’m trying to crawl out of my skin I hate myself so much.

Wow its really comforting to know someone understands exactly what I’m going through.
You wrote exactly what I go through.

Its crazy how people have specific delusions. Where do thy come from?!

Its a horrible way to live.

don’t do that…

but yeah. I know what you are going through. It is still possible to live a full life. I wish I could help more but I’m still stuck at my own stage of this mess as well. Always here to chat though.

I’d advise you just let your thoughts flow. Focus on being socially function in the real world. if you can do the second you’ll probably be alright.

Also developing skills to give you the competitive edge in scenarios of employment will help you get a decent job.

100s of factors at play in life… Sz is an internal condition of chaos… the only way to get a proper grip on the noise is to look past it and find a greater sense of yourself beyond the presentation of your thoughts.