I need to talk about what is happening

They were harassing me for an hour straight for an hour straight I felt them pushing to communicate and I was trying to ignore it I really was but then when I try to go to sleep my guard goes down because I’m tired and they were saying horrible horrible things to me. Terrible things. Saying I’m a whore I’m a whore and when I’m in hell I’ll be a whore and I’ll like it I’ll be worse than a whore i won’t even be doing it for money I’ll be doing it because I like it and telling me to let them do things “God has abandoned you God doesn’t want you you whore why doesn’t he answer your prayers why doesn’t he protect you he GAVE you to us you are OURS now” and just on an on and on and nothing I said helped and I started talking to Father and I asked him why he didn’t protect me why didn’t he keep them away from me and he said he could keep them from doing anything to me but he couldn’t keep me from listening to them. But I don’t WANT to listen to them!!! I can’t help it!!! And he won’t say anymore about it.

And then he tells me that they are only making empty threats to remember it’s all words. He says why do you think in your dreams you never feel any sensations it is because they are simply SHOWING you things to threaten and intimidate you they are not actually DOING these things to you because I will not let them. So they are basically forcing me to see and hallucinate these awful things happening to me to threaten me to “behave” and to make me feel like dying inside. I hate them I hate them I hate them. I am very scared to sleep. I am so scared. I can’t take this I can’t take the constant threats and harassment.

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I am shaking very badly. I feel like dying. I can’t take this.

My antipsychotic is gone…the geodon is gone…it was in my purse I always keep it in my purse and all the other stuff I take with it the vitamins, the Wellbutrin are still in there only the geodon is gone…they are messing with me…where did it go…I missed my dose tonight and I could take it now but it’s gone…

I found it it was in a trash pile in a bag I swear was empty when I threw it in

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It sounds like you need to very carefully make sure you take all your medicine. Geodon might give you some relief. If that doesn’t work maybe you should try a stronger drug. Just remember that you can get through this. You can out last it. Things can get better.

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Yeah I’m stronger. They can’t actually do anything they can only SHOW me things and make me THINK they are doing things to me but it is ALL just hallucination none of it is REAL. And their words are just words, just empty threats. But if I know that why do they upset me so badly…why does it terrify me so much…makes me sick to my stomach…

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Honey, I am worried about you. This is a LOT of stress on you and you might need either a higher dose of Geodon or something added to it. Being in this much distress is harmful to your recovery. I’m the last person to suggest the ER cuz I hate going there, but sometimes they CAN get things moving faster then waiting for an appointment. You not being able to sleep can make things worse. Please consider additional help if you keep feeling this way. We’d really miss you if something happened…I always know my voices aren’t real, but sometimes they still cause me harm that I need help with. Sometimes being strong is to ask someone else to help…

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I have too much to live for right now. (And if I die they’ll catch me and take me to hell!!) But I am still too scared to sleep because I know even if I do manage to fall asleep without them verbally harassing me again I will have nightmares of being raped or of having to go through other terrible things and abuse. I KNOW I will.

I don’t want to keep going up doses if I go up too much too fast I may get bad side effects that make me unable to stay on it and I’m at square one again it just needs more time is all I’m sure. But it’s 6 am here and I still can’t sleep for fear. I did a lot of stuff to help calm down but my anxiety came back when I realized I would need to try to sleep.

If you can, what time does your provider open? Maybe you can call and get an emergency appt. and get some temp meds to knock you out for a dreamless sleep? It’s almost 2 am here… I’ll sit here and talk as long as you want to… I’m a bit of a hypocrite cuz I stopped my Zyprexa and now I can’t sleep but that dumb hospital pdoc wouldn’t listen to me…so do what I say, not what I do😶! I understand that things in your life can’t be interrupted right now, been there, too. You are so much a fighter!

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If it will make you laugh, I ate a squirrel today…I’ve still been paranoid about food since I was in the hospital and was so hungry I snared one and cooked it…I don’t think my shrink will be finding out about THAT this week. Lol!

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Dear anna your ap seems does not work and if they can talk to you so vividly probably you are manic because of an antidepressant or by nature of your brain,

I just woke up. Ugh…I had forgotten all that happened…

Yes their voices were very clear to me. I hope that just happened because I forgot to take a dose of geodon. I’ve forgotten like 3 days in a row now.

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Getting proper sleep hygiene helped me a lot with the hypogogic hallucinations. For me, that means waking up at the same time each day and refusing naps. For you, it would probably mean something different because of your narcolepsy. I’m sorry you go through this.

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Dear Anna, how are you feeling these days?when you posted these thing it was last year, ihad the same illness like you it started yelling in my apartment that my girlfriend dies if I am not doing what they are saying it was awfull I don’t even remember it anymore, and all kind of lies like they did with you yust at the beginning I was believed everything. Now I am not hearing voices anymore I was at church and I was praying very much, a preast said these are bad demons who are hurting me. Now my big problem is that people can hear my thoughts, and this is 100% sure not everybody tells me because don’t want to feel worse but some people were honest with me and said I’m right. I don’t know what to do I don’t have a privat life I cant even go out to street it is so awfull. Now I am pregnant and I am praying very much for the baby but what happens when I will have to take out the baby on walk and I don’t even want to go out from my apartment, its horrible, have you know people who get rid of this? and how? I search for people who realy had this experience. I wish you all the best my dear, hope you are fine by now :slight_smile:

This was during a flare up I had last summer. It wasn’t good…I miraculously didn’t lapse into a major episode.

Unfortunately I have been battling another recent flare up and extremely similar issues recently. My best advice is to find a good antipsychotic, I’ve had a lot of trouble doing so. If you can’t find one safe to take while pregnant then start it right after you give birth and don’t breastfeed. I hope you have a good support system or partner who can help you care for your baby.

My main problems come from me not being able to find an antipsychotic that works for me. When I was on a really good AP I was totally sane and in reality and had no issues at all. I really really want that back.