I feel like I'm out of control

My sleep is all messed up but I’ve said that a ton of times and tonight I don’t even want to sleep I want to do so many other things and I’ve been buying a bunch of stuff and I’m overwhelmed with happiness but at the same time feel horrible about the messed up sleep and I know not sleeping sets off my psychosis really bad and I was already hallucinating in class yesterday somehow?! Even though I did sleep yesterday?? I was getting a hallucination like where everything suddenly becomes very bright does anyone get that? And then instead of the professor’s stage looking far away it looks close up like he’s just small like a puppet or something. So everything was glowing and he looked like a puppet and also I could see his aura. It wasn’t a very pretty color it was like a…dirty blue? Dark and muddled. Hm.

But anyways I have these 300 dollar headphones that I now have no way of paying off because I didn’t realize my therapist hadn’t cashed her check yet so when I put in my check to pay for them she cashed hers and it took out all the money I had for the headphones so now I’m trying to pay it off slowly piece by piece with what money my mom gave me because I’m nervous to use my own savings money with my rat needing the vet and possibly expensive things with her dental issue. I’ve been an absolute money pit lately also I decided I wanted a kindle but ended up getting a tablet instead-it was cheaper somehow! And I’m gonna get a bunch of books for it and also a membership so I can get cheaper books and also I’m gonna get pet insurance for my rats which will hopefully help with the vet bills.

Everything has been absolutely insane this summer. I knew I KNEW this would happen. And this sleep thing!! I swear!! Pumped full of sedatives so my body passes out and whatever nasty entities are feeding off me can drag me to the nonphysical and scare the living bejeezus out of me and feed off my fear!! I’m sick of it!! I’m sick of being drugged and tortured!! But it’s impossible to numb yourself to all fear especially with such creative and sometimes downright cheating opponents!

I hate class I don’t want to go to class tomorrow it’s 4 HOURS long how is anyone supposed to pay attention that long?! While hallucinating on top of that?! Somehow I did a pretty good job yesterday but with the already sucky sleep I know I’m gonna get tonight that won’t happen. Anyways I’ve been ranting too much but I just feel like everything is so crazy lately. I guess the geodon isn’t working so great but I’m not even at a therapeutic dose yet! When I see my therapist this week she’ll probably move me up. I’m feeling really out of it right now because I’m exhausted but don’t want to sleep.


Sup Anna …what are u upto…may u sleep easily…

@Anna Are you going manic?

((((Hugs)))) Hang in there. Maybe time for a med tweak.

Do you have anything for a hobby other than reading? Maybe try listening to ambient music? Do you have Netflix? I watched this movie last night:

I can commiserate a little with you. I keep racking my bills up too.

Your school and local library probably have tons of e-books for free. All you need is a library card or password to get them.

That’s good. The sooner the better.

What is a therapeutic dose of ziprasidone. If I remember correctly it was pretty huge.

I don’t know much about geodon. But from drugs.com :

Efficacy in schizophrenia was demonstrated in a dose range of 20 mg to 100 mg twice daily in short-term, placebo-controlled clinical trials. There were trends toward dose response within the range of 20 mg to 80 mg twice daily, but results were not consistent. An increase to a dose greater than 80 mg twice daily is not generally recommended. The safety of doses above 100 mg twice daily has not been systematically evaluated in clinical trials

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I think ana is on 20mg twice daily, not so?

I can’t remember :thinking:

Weird I’d read therapeutic was 40 mg twice daily. Or maybe that was just the average dose for sz not sure. Either way it seems 20 isn’t enough, at least it’s not enough with my wonky sleep.

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When I was on it I think I took 40 twice a day

I feel more like I’m going crazy from my sleep being messed up.

Sleep will do it to anyone and especially us