I live in an Asian country. I contacted the governmental institution to get support for the wheelchair my parents bought for me. I was told from the said institution that I need to apply later to get financial assistance with my new wheelchair. So I got the wheelchair today and was told from the said institution that I needed to have submitted a form ahead of time to get my wheelchair approved. Because I didn’t know that, I was shocked. I told my mother that something is up and I have made a mistake. She got extremely upset with me saying that she has paid 1800 dollars for this and I am a terrible daughter for not looking up the details. She said I was stupid and bigoted. I apologized and told her that I was never aware of this and I was told by the institution that a prior authorization was not needed, and this was what also the nurse told me. She said this doesn’t matter and she regrets ever letting me take care of this issue. She demanded to know the person who handled this issue and ordered me to call them. I told her that the person who handled my case has retired and is no longer handling my case. She then called the company I got the wheelchair from and angrily told her that she has never told her this pre-authorization requirement. The person taking the call at the company said that they would cancel the card transaction and told us to call them again to pay for the wheelchair again (the call was being recorded so they had an alibi). So the entire situation is fixed but my mom continued to yell at me for the next hour but said that she forgives me after she expressed her frustrations.
But I’m not over this. I plan to abuse myself for the next week or so until this situation is solved. I plan to not eat any lunch, and I will hit myself in the head 10 times in a row to never make this mistake again. I will engrain in my head that I should not make any mistakes because this wheelchair cost my parents 1800. I will beat myself up, hit myself, whatever it takes to not make any mistakes.
I don’t think I will get used to this. I must never be allowed to make mistakes. I must be perfect and white as snow. Or else I’m not a perfect human being.
Sorry, but you won’t achieve perfection (that meaning not making mistakes). Unless you are some sort of deity already (you are not a buddha).
Second, you start the post beeing wrong. Corporal punishment has been widely studied, as ineffective for learning. It’s your beliefs vs. objective studies.
I learned quickly that if I am not perfect I would be immediately punished. I am an adult now, I have no one to punish me. So I punish myself. I would often hide my mistakes because I was afraid of being called out by my teachers and by my mother. So I would hide my mistakes. Now that I’m an adult, I just punish myself.
Its part of your nature as a living being to make mistakes, we are not machines and noone is perfect. Please be kind to yourself and dont punish yourself.
That doesn’t work and it’s irrational (far away from perfection, in my understanding).
If you want to strive for perfection, start acknowledging that you need to be kind to yourself (what is more perfect that kindness? What is more flawed that violence, even vs. oneself?) and start acknowledging and forgiving other people’s mistakes (should your mother be that harsh with you if the problem was fixed? No she shouldn’t. That’s her mistake).
Here’s the thing, @whirling-leaves. Regardless of whether or not you think punishing yourself is fair, it is counter-productive. You have a physical condition, and starvation will make it worse. So will physically injuring yourself. This will increase the amount you have to spend on treating it. If you stop punishing yourself, your condition will start to improve, and you will need less support. Needing leas support will make you feel better, make your parents feel better, and make everyone happier.
When people have financial problems, it can be serious, mistakes like this, but it is not good to let it have more importance than it really does. Your health and mental well-being is more important than financial mistakes. I think you have acquired an obsessive compulsive disorder and probably need counseling for it. It can be very important for economically disadvantaged to not make financial mistakes, but you are unable to clearly prioritize things of importance.