How many times you become delusional within a year… I star taking meds in 2006. Meds control my psychosis in 2012 in june i became delusional. With meds my delusions whent away in 4 days but paranoia remained for another week. Since than so far no delusions.
I was delusional in January of 2009. I reluctantly went on medication that same year and have been delusion free ever since.
I guess I’m constantly delusional, in that the paranoia and the thoughts never really go away, I can just tell myself they’re not real most of the time. But it’s like telling myself the sky isn’t really blue, there’s always that part of me that can’t disbelieve my delusions. I’m also constantly hallucinating, particularly hearing music. But I can ignore the hallucinations and delusions, as long as I’m not too stressed. But if I get too overwhelmed, everything gets stronger and harder to hold back, until they become my reality. I’m not just seeing the walls move, they’re actually moving. I don’t just think my friends are out to get me, it’s the absolute, unquestionable truth and I can’t trust any of them. Usually by then I’m too screwed up to really do anything about any of it, other than curl into a ball and whimper, but I’m bombarded by these thoughts.
I know what I believe is indeed truth, a reality I’ve personally experienced.
Kinda understand why it must be labeled a “delusion”, but it don’t change the facts.
That makes sense. Like, we say “delusion” because that’s what other people say it is, but for us it’s just reality.
I’m always balancing what I believe to be real with what others say is real. I’m probably delusional all the time. I have some delusions that to this day are so engrained that I will never shake them. They are fact to me as if the sky is blue and the sun sets in the west. No meds can shake them, no family can argue them away. Once in a great while I doubt them, but then sometimes I don’t.
I tend to trust what other people say. Even if it goes counter to my own experiences, I’ve developed a healthy distrust of my own senses, so I put more stock in my friends’ observations. It’s the reason I’m on medications and talking about my symptoms in this way in the first place, from my perspective there’s nothing wrong with me, it’s the WORLD that’s wrong, but I trust that the people I’ve talked to know what they’re talking about, so I go with what they say. Maybe someday I’ll even believe them.
Until I got the right meds I was constantly delusional. Now only when I am stressed. However I limit my lifestyle to minimise stress. For instance I live nocturnally which limits my exposure to stress causing people. If I lived a normal life/job I think I would be delusional often.
I also find, I have long term and short term delusions too. The long term ones are huge to me and to this day I tend to act upon them.
Others are short lived. I used to constantly have these short term delusions like I was mad at my sister and I was sure I hurt her. I was sure I beat her up. I never would. I would wake up convinced that I physically abused someone who I love with all my heart. I was afraid to face her for what I did to her. But she would show me that I never touched her. Not a mark on her. I never hit her. Then that delusion was gone.