I have OCD and schizophrenia, i have extremely disturbing intrusive thoughts, usually very awful racist thoughts and disgusting sexual thoughts. I can usually tell its OCD and that the thoughts are completely unwanted, i have a motor tic, when a thought or voice pops up, i always blink my eyes and grimace. I hate the thoughts, and i can tell it exactly fits the description of OCD, but i still doubt and am constantly scared that im slowly becoming okay with the thoughts, and if i do, im taking my own life.
I also believe in thought broadcasting and think people can sense my thoughts and they think im some kind of psychotic person and want to take me away and torture me. It seems real. But there have been so many times that theyve said “this is your last day!” or “we grab him today” but it never happens. I even stand outside and try to “test” whether or not its real, and the voices say “hes goin out there! Nows our chance!” But they never show up, people drive by and all they do is wave.
I can tell these thoughts are unwanted, for many reasons, and they fit the description of other peoples experiences with OCD to a T, and ive been afraid of being taken away for a long, long time…never happens. No one even notices me whenever i go anywhere. But i still believe there is some kind of group of people monitoring my thoughts and they are going to take me away.
I have so much proof that this is just obsessive thoughts and a paranoid delusion, but i just cant seem to shake myself of it. Any advice?