Mine is a bit complicated to explain but I will try.
In my psychosis period I used to watch youtube videos and think that there are thousands of influential people connected with me and I send them messages through watching videos and hitting pause/play buttons to emphasize on a certain dialogue as my message and that’s how I communicated with people.
This belief I am totally out of and completely shaken off but there is still a part of it that still believe is real.
That part is:
Sometimes while watching videos the youtube screen used to by it self pause play the dialogues like the existence/god whatever is trying to communicate back to me. And it’s not buffering because it never stops the video for even one second.
So I will never know what was happening…
For example in the Black panther movie teaser there is a dialogue where black panther’s father says “you are a good man with a good heart…” … The video itself pause played it for a nano second emphasizing on that dialogue to communicate back to me…
So this I will never know what happened there… And there are many such incidents.
Every time there is an earthquake around the world I try to correlate the location and which space launch capable country that being the US, China and Russia fired their seismic satellite weapon. Some earthquakes are of natural causes while other earthquakes are questionable. Usually the questionable earthquakes are associated with geopolitical events globally.
I thought I had an invisible Siamese twin named “Hank” that I was attached to by the hip. Hank was a good guy but the lack of privacy was stressful and triggered my first psychotic break:
After 13 years, I still ‘see’ personality traits transfer between people. ie I’m going through the battle of trying to give up alcohol and I see it as taking some sort of energy from my sister who doesn’t drink at all. Or I’ll see my sister act like my dad and think she has taken his energy. No meds have ever taken this thought pattern away from me. It happens everywhere.
It doesn’t bother me a lot now. After 13 years I just shrug my shoulders and say there is nothing I can do about it, so why worry? Can’t stop seeing it though.
in the center of the entire universe exsist a being of energy. it created everything, knows everything, and sees everything. it controls our out comes, and our end results, but doesnt controll us…
I know it is odd, but i could never really shake that above…
That these men in black suits are keeping me asleep in a dream state so I will do the important thing I feel like I need to do and the only way for me to wake up is to kill myself.
Recently, I think I got rid of all of my delusions, which is rather unusual.
Previously I believed that I have some kind of spiritual insight into the world’s fate. I did not believe myself to be unique, merely superior to the majority of the population. I guess it is bad enough.
The clouds opened and a beam of light spoke I am watching over you. I still think of it though I don’t know why.
And every time I see a beam of light falling some where else I feel he is doing it for someone else as well.
I wish this was the only thing I saw my whole life I could have become a normal human.
But hallucinations never leaves me. Because of which I don’t value any positive or negative. Hard on facts, thats how its to be done now.