I hate myself

My pdoc asked me if I was depressed at my last appointment, and I said no because I didn’t think that I was, but now, I think that I am. It’s not an organic depression from sza though. It’s happening because of how guilty I feel for not paying more attention to how ethical the companies behind the products I consume are.

I made a vow to do better, but I underestimated the difficulty of the challenges involved in such an undertaking. Like, there are companies and sub-companies and companies that are actually one single company with 50 different names, and on and on. Not to mention the fact that a lot of this information is pretty difficult to get. Who’s telling the truth? Who’s got an ulterior motive? Who’s being paid by a company to write a positive article? Which companies are doing evil shít that no one knows about? I don’t even know where to fúcking start.

Honestly, I sort of just want to kill myself and hope to God that whatever comes next is better than what’s here, but at the same time, I know that I deserve to go to hell, and as such, I am deathly afraid of dying. What am I to do? I had a dream last night where people were dying horrible deaths, and I didn’t save them because I didn’t want to risk my own life. I feel like the primes on The 100. I’m just an awful person who doesn’t want to die, which is most unfortunate, because I can barely stand to live with myself. I don’t know what I’m going to do…

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If I’m going to be completely honest I think you need a healthy distraction at some point. You have way too good a brain to occupy yourself by worrying about so many convoluted things. I thought about not writing this because it comes off as insensitive but you are smart and need to apply to things other than torturing yourself

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Best to keep living, things will get better for you. It takes time and work on your part.

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these don’t seem to be reasons to hate yourself

maybe you’re just hyper consciousness to a point of allowing all things to come in

most people don’t give some of this a second thought, but probably should

go easy. You’re just one person.

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Hey, I know that I’ve posted two threads that literally was me raging to myself.

It is not your fault. Not being able to save them in your dream is not your fault.

I couldn’t save my childhood and I couldn’t save my body from my genetic disease. I was born with this disease, only to develop it later on. But it doesn’t make my life any less depressing because I know my value. I do have this child-like tendencies (just like how I used to do it as a child) to hate myself and blame myself for everything I did wrong or what others did wrong to me.

You are valuable and you are loveable. Please know that you are loved and you are cared for.

Please stay with me. I will PM you again.

Blessings.

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You can’t fix everything and you can’t stop consuming. The very act of living means that if you feed yourself, those resources are taken from someone/something else. That’s just how the world works and changing that will forever be beyond any of us. If you make it through your day without intentionally inflicting harm on others and you in some small way leave the world a bit better than you found it through some art, volunteering, or some act of kindness, that’s a win. That’s what I strive for.

Hope you feel better. You deserve to feel better, you know.

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I didn’t say that I couldn’t save them, I said that I didn’t save them. I had a choice; it was them or me, and I chose me. That’s that, isn’t it? Exactly how I live my life in the land of plenty.

What, so being intelligent gives me the right to kill people? Because that’s what’s going on. People are dying, children are dying, and I’ve known about it for years, and I ignored it, like a civilian living right down the road from Auschwitz during WW2. I chose what was easy instead of what was right, and now, I haven’t the slightest idea of how to even begin to fix it.

I deserve to rot in hell.

There is no ethical way to exist under the current system. It is painful to be a part of but that is the way it is. You need to apply this motivation. Listen to @shutterbug when he says you need to do your best to make the world a better place in the ways that you can. Torturing yourself about how things are isn’t going to make it better. Apply yourself. Volunteer. Join a political organization. I think you would be great at doing research based off how you speak and could make an impact studying these things to bring them to light for others. Just understand that being aware is part of the problem, but causing yourself pain with this awareness isn’t going to help anyone.

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Supporting companies that have unethical practices is bad but almost everyone does it and most don’t even know about it. If you deserve to go to hell for that then pretty much everybody does. You can’t get down on yourself when some of these companies have monopolies on certain goods and you can’t get it anywhere else. And the ones with alternatives, well, sometimes the alternatives pale in comparison to them. I suggest you do some research on what companies are shady and look for viable alternatives so you can feel good about not supporting the bad ones. And if you can’t do it, just accept that nobody is perfect and even though paying the bad companies is enabling them it doesn’t make you culpable for their actions. If you gave a homeless man money and he goes and buys drugs with it, are you to blame for enabling his addiction? Some would say yes but I think not because your intention was probably that he buys food with the money. It should be the homeless man who is to blame for his addiction, not you. It’s all about the intention. Is your intention that companies take your money and use it to kill children? No. And you’re just one person. If one person supports or doesn’t support a bad company it won’t make much of a difference. If you could somehow make everyone boycott them, then you would be making a difference. But that’s extremely hard. You can’t save the world all by yourself.

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Honestly it is unavoidable in our society most things are owned through unethical business.

The thing is dying isnt going to save anyone.

You have to work for change in the world. Through protest and other means. Using a product doesnt make you a monster. You have to survive too.

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Yes, if I knew about or suspected the addiction when I just as easily could’ve bought him a gift card instead. And it’s not about other people and whether or not they were aware, it’s about me. I knew, I had the means to do better, and I chose to do what was easy instead of what was right. I don’t quite enjoy judging others for matters such as this. For the most part, I just try to worry about my own moral code.

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Which he would have sold for cash for his addiction. The best thing you can do for a homeless man is to give your dosh to organizations like the Salvation Army instead who will help him without enabling him (they really understand addicts).

This isn’t true…

I’ll tell ya originally there wasn’t a hell… that ■■■■ was just made to stir the unabiding innocents into feeling like wrong do-ers… it is somewhere on the same side of the scale as genital mutilation.

Nature is not evil… it might be terrifying and challenging… but it’s not evil… humans on the other hand… hah yeah they ■■■■■■■ suck… even on a good day.

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My friend, you are not responsible for the greed that the companies have.

What you can do is to buy from sweatshop-free and cruelty-free shops. There are eco-friendly items out there as well.

If you cannot buy from those shops, donating a small sum of money can be helpful to organizations like FARA, MDA, Habitat for Humanity, etc.

There’s always a good way to give and a good way to divert yourself away from those companies.

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this was a dream after all, not something that happened in real life,

it must have really stuck with you, but you mustn’t feel guilty,
even heroes fail sometimes.

You’re 20 years old and standing at the intersection of Idealism Street and Realism Boulevard. The world is imperfect, and you are imperfect.

My advice is to become a lawyer and join a law firm advocating for or against a specific topic.

A condition that some people have is perfectionism: It’s a condition in which people hold themselves, and others, to unrealistic standards of “perfection.”

It may start by bringing home a report card with five A and one B, and the person’s parents focus exclusively on the B.

Perfectionists tend to be unhappy (they can never reach their goal of being “perfect”) and do poorly in life because they tend to quit when something comes along that gives them difficulty. They lack resilience. That said, the good news is that perfectionism is a learned condition, not something a person is born with. So it can be unlearned.

There’s a book called A Students Work for C Students, and B Students Work for the Government.

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I was asked that in a job interview at a school

if I’m a perfectionist,

I said I used to be, but not much anymore.
I didn’t get the job.

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Hey. I sent you a PM about this. I have struggled a lot with these same feelings, and it’s hard. Right now, you’re taking your anger at the system and turning it inwards on yourself, because you can’t punish the people truly responsible and you feel SOMEONE should be punished, but the only person you can hold accountable for this whole system is yourself. But that road leads nowhere good. If you kill yourself, you’ve just wasted all future opportunities you have to do good. You’re taking a person who cares and removing them from the fight for good. It would make the whole world worse, and make the fight even harder for those of us left behind. You are currently paralyzed with anger and frustration, but you won’t always be. You’ll start to figure out small ways you can make a real impact in the world. Once you’re taking actions to make things better, it will get a bit easier to take the steps you need to survive in this corrupt system.

In short, killing yourself wont save any of those dying children. Take care of your mental health so you have the energy to fight against the oppressive system that kills them, instead.

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Your just hooked into the marketing from companies that claim they are more moral because they do this or that. It’s meant to make you feel guilty so you buy their products. Throw this guilt out the window and buy what you like.