gosh… maybe I should really wait but its like I dont feel a lot from my meds… I am less anguished, I go out more often with them but psychically I am still in a quite bad state. I am anguished in the presence of other people… I cant imagine to stay at a coffee with friends… I have a friend for whom the meds worked after a year. maybe I am a bit like him and ill have to wait. I dont have hallucinations, I never had them. I take my meds because of my fears…plus, I cant think well or sometimes I just think too much. its a pity also that emotionally I cant feel positive emotions… and I dont even talk about my state which is by waves. waves of energy, its strange and awful… its some kind of energy who makes me feel guilty, anguished,its like faint…
my pdoc was believing in meds for me. but I still live like an ermite…
Have hope Anna, give it some time. Listen to your doctor.
everhopeful, I have all these questions in my head… ‘‘am I dumb, how do others function without worries, what exactly I have etc etc’’… I dont have a clue what is to feel sane. can the meds help me for this thing? in fact I feel my brain in my head, probably by too much negative thinking,pressure etc etc… but can the meds make me feel sane one day? I even dont know whats my problem… I live myself like a total dummie for who there is no issue from this hell. I spent the last 15 years like this. I see the people talking about all kind of things and I dont get them… sometimes I dont even get a movie or a soapopera… in my file it was written that my intellect is oppressed by the illness… and for god sake, what is to be okay in your skin? to have a good mood? to have peace? to accept ourselves? I am worried that I am so lost, I am not sure that meds can help this…
the greatest thing of all is to think you are like everyone else.
do you believe it?
Also, do you smoke pot, or do other recreational drugs?
exactly. I feel like an et compared to others… ive smoked a pot a loot in the past. maybe it worsened my condition. I smoked for 6 years isolated by others only with a tv and internet… maybe these waves which I feel now are cause by the weed. but I dont smoke anymore since 6 years…
good. My mother doesn’t know she has OCD, glad she doesn’t, I know it though.
My father doesn’t know he has major anxiety and can only relax after a few totties.
My son will cause himself moments of crying out of nowhere, breaks his face,
likes the sensation, deep down.
My brother just different, my father says doesn’t have a brain, he’s smart though. Addict.
i dont get movies or soap operas either, sometimes i dont get books… dont be too hard on yourself…
@anon7022989, but why we dont get all these things? is it a sz symptom or more a depressive one? can we recover from it faster or it will be slow? I guess you had a psychotic break down isn’t it? in my case,its nothing like this. I am just chronical… its quite painfull also
Anna, mirror somebody. Anybody. Get a hero. I don’t know if it’ll help. Don’t understand why meds haven’t helped you, but you can tear to your doctor next time.
@Daze, my mother says that if meds were helping,there wouldn’t be so many ill people in the streets. maybe I am borderline and not schizophrenic… I dont know, I am ■■■■■■ up… my pdocs cant do nothing else than meds… they dont give a ■■■■…
ohhhh honey, I hate to hear it. You are young too, aren’t you? Please, please, enjoy your life.
I am 34 years old and I knew only the unhappiness. I dont believe anymore in the suffering, I struggle now but I have this past of isolation for 15 years, do you imagine? I never knew a schizophrenic like this… I dont understand either… even my ill friend goes aout, has some boyfriends etc etc…
when I was on fanapt and abilify I didn’t feel the affect of the meds. especially the fanapt made me physically ill. please don’t give up, i’m sure there is something that can help you
Anna a person’s mind is very complicated
even a person without a severe mental illness
try to go out and mix with people
you compare yourself to others, but read this forum, and you will see there are many people like you
you compare yourself to normies or schizos who are doing great…
and you feel bad because you are not the same
go out tomorrow and i will too 
@cbbrown, thanks but for me the struggle is finished with all the aps. ive tried them all. I just have to wait to see an effect from Zyprexa. I really tried them all…
@prospero, yeah, I try to go out more often 
these days ill have to go out to buy some present for my mother.
but have you seen a person who knew only his 4 walls for 15 years? and I really get angry when my so called friends make their big eyes opened when I talk about this… my ■■■■■■■ friend asked me how I can handle this… ebe if she only knew… without meds, I am on my bed with the impossibility to nourish myself and with hands on my head because of some fast and torn thinking etc etc… I become an animal, really. its beyond the human thing…
Don’t try to change be comfortable who you are ablest you don’t have hallucinations you got nothing to worry about people have it worse than you
i’m sorry, I hope zyprexa kicks in. it worked pretty well for my dad until he quit taking it. it made him tired all the time and not want to smoke cigs he said and that is something he can’t go without.
@Supermanslice, yeap, its a pity but I became mean the last years… it started with my parents when I was a teenager. they were irritating me. after that,it went to the boys and now its with everybody… there is probability that I am a big borderline…I am not sure if they can be quite autistic,maybe… my character became tough, I am not proud of it. I know that it can be worse but I am worried by my passivity. I am like this since kid. I dont have the emotions, neither the energy…
I don’t get a lot of things too I brought it down to autism but it might be our illness idk
yeh it sucks Anna seeing 4 walls for a long time, i’ve been inside a lot, i only go out once a month to get my meds
if my life was ok, i would not think i could talk to you about it