I feel that all my life since I was born is fake

From schizophrenia, like its not myself.
I never been myself.

I don’t know how I would be if I never had schizophrenia.

You were yourself back then. Until you got sz. That â– â– â– â– â– â–  us up.

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Maybe I lost “myself” when I got sz?
I can’t remember myself, no feelings.

Probably. But it´s hard to not be oneself, I prefer to think that my personality changed dramatically. I can´t remember too much too.

I remember having delusions before the age of 10 y.o. I misunderstood words and my phrases didn’t make sense, my mother often corrected me by punishing me.

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It was very early. I´m sorry to hear that.

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I wonder if I would have been better if treated with antipsychotics before 10 y.o.

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But there isn’t psychiatrists in my country when I was living there.

I know how that feels. I suppose it must be the wirings in a Sz person are all sending the wrong signals. For example, most Sz can tickle themselves and feel the tickling happening. Laughing is actually our brains going into panic mode, so the brain interprets the tickling as a foreign threat. So see how things can be different? I suppose emotions can be misaligned from current selves.

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My life was fake until I got diagnosed. Now it is what it is.

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I allways felt that was a super power…

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It can be. I love a good tickling.

One of my psychiatrists told me that I make wrong connections in my brain. I felt offended.

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We are taught to put on an act as soon as we can understand. It’s called “manners”.

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That’s not our fault in any sense. I see it as a quirky way of existing. Everyone else’s brain follows the manual to a T, our brains read said “manual”, and it sucked so we’re making our own way. Boom! We’re setting up the rules. I feel like a rogue machine. :metal::wink:

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Hell, when their growing up, most people don’t know who they are or what they’re doing.

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I also feel less fake now on meds and as I get older.

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