F*ck schizophrenia
How do i not hate myself when my illness has taken over my life
I can’t do anything worthwhile and normal and i just want to be someone who can and I’m not
The voices are getting louder and i need advice.
I read your poem and like it…
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Think we all have many days we just want out of our heads, I know I do. I try to sleep when I feel that bad.
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I’m having the same issue. My mood is completely off balance, and I can’t shake it. I have no interest in doing anything, even tired of sleeping.
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Maybe you need an antidepressant or mood stabilizer (I know next to nothing about mood stabilizers). I would probably be an emotional mess if my antipsychotics didn’t have antidepressant properties.
Yeah, I’m on antidepressants and antipsychotics. Celexa and abilify. Just been a wreck this last week in spite of it.
I feel this way a lot. Its hard not to fantasize about. But i keep living just to see whats next. And think about it. We’re all gonna bite the big one at some point. Why does it have to be today? I know the excruciating pain that you just want to escape from. It sucks. But ending yourself is just speeding up the inevitable. And are you ready to see whats after this. Really think about how unknown the unknown really is.
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What dose of celexa are you on? Did you just start it?
I’ve been on it for a couple months. I’m at 20mg. I tried to up the dose to 40mg, but it made the voices worse.
Yeah, that’s usually what I tell myself. I’ve attempted suicide a couple of times, and even at my best I think, "if I had been successful, that’d be ok with me."
I think about that a lot.
There just thoughts you don’t have to act on them. The ER is open 24/7 if needed as are the counselling lines. Also contact your doctor asap. Did something happen to trigger this btw? Some meds conflict especially things like over the counter diet products like the diet shake programs. Which conflict with antidepressants. Something to look at at any rate.
See if this helps any as well…
If you’re reading this, there is at least a small part in you that doesn’t want to die. Listen to it, and please read on.
Suicide is final – once it’s done, there’s no changing your mind. Since you have even the slightest of doubts, you owe it to yourself to stay alive.
You can always kill yourself later, why not wait? Even if you wait just one day, you may find a reason not to kill yourself in the meantime.
If you’re feeling suicidal, you’re probably in more pain than you know how to handle. There are ways to reduce the pain, and ways to learn to deal with pain. You can learn both - either way things will get better.
Just because you’re feeling suicidal doesn’t mean you have to act on that feeling.
Consider this – if you’re trying to escape from the pain you are in and seek relief, suicide is not the answer. You cannot feel relief, or anything else for that matter, if you are dead. You must stay alive in order to feel the relief you seek.
Often when feeling suicidal you feel alone. You are not alone – you found us didn’t you? Turn to your family or friends or a priest or a rabbi – anyone that will listen. If you don’t know whom to turn to
http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html
By terminating your life right now, you terminate your future. Consider this – we create our own future. You have the power to create whatever future you wish for yourself. But you need to be alive in order to have that future.
If you’re sensitive enough to be in so much pain that you no longer want to live, you’re probably sensitive enough to care about, and want to help others. Maybe you don’t feel like helping anyone else right now, but why not help yourself? And perhaps by not killing yourself and overcoming your difficulties you can later help someone else who is in a similar situation.
Finally, don’t do it because I’m personally asking you not to. Whatever you’re feeling, whatever you’re going through, things can get better – I know because I’ve been there. Maybe I haven’t experienced exactly what you have, but not only have I thought of suicide, I tried it – thankfully I was unsuccessful and I can speak from personal experience when I tell you things can get better.
Probably the best you can do for yourself atm is just get out and go for a long walk. It does help to get some clarity.
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"Finally, don’t do it because I’m personally asking you not to"
Me too.I lived through my friends suicide,it was devastating.
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I think about it a lot too but i try to forget all that and think about things i enjoy in this life and things id miss if i died
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I’m sorry you’re going through this Fracta123. Schizophrenia changed my life too. I’m 55 now. I spent the entire eighties in hospitals, group homes psyche wards, seeing therapists, psychiatrists, and suffering a lot.
Before I got sick at 19, I had very little going for me. I was shy, socially backward, not very good looking, working at jobs like washing dishes, or pumping gas. I had a life but I was the bare minimum of a real person. The ultimate outsider. Didn’t talk to anybody but a couple of friends who often treated me poorly. I wanted a girlfriend but I knew that was out of the question.
I read articles online about schizophrenia and prognosis and I find that I had many signs for a bad prognosis. When I was in my teens I smoked a LOT of pot too which has some ties to triggering schizophrenia.
Anyway, I won’t tell you my whole story except to say that I’m 55 now and I’m looking back at being employed for most of the last 36 years, albeit mostly part-time and at unskilled jobs. But they paid the bills, gave me many luxuries and cars, put food on the table, and I got to intermingle with many, many people. Some of them were nice, some were jerks, but that’s unavoidable, at any job site. In my youth, I was always the lowest guy on the totem poll, or lowest guy in the pecking order, I felt disliked, and I had no social status. But now a lot of people like me and I like a lot about myself. I’m friendly and polite.
I do my best job at work. I started college about 8 years after I got diagnosed. I went off and on since then and now I am taking one class at a time and I only need four more for my degree. I lived independently for more than twenty years. I’ve had a lot of fun in my life. I wrote this whole thing to make a point. Your life can turnaround. If you knew me when I first got sick there was nothing special about me.
I had nothing going for me. No body would have dreamed in a thousand years that I would have done what I’ve done. After having schizophrenia for 36 years, my advice is to just do the basics. Take your meds every day as prescribed. No one likes the side -effects but for the majority of people, the alternative to being un-medicated can be relapse leading to possible hospitalization, unnecessary suffering, unbearable symptoms, non productivity in your life, possible ending up on the streets jail, or worse.
No matter how low you go, it can always be worse, believe me. But yeah, you don’t give up. Luck plays a huge role in recovering for schizophrenic. Often, you can’t predict who will do good and who won’t. You have as much of a chance as a lot of people to recover. But recovery doesn’t come overnight. It could take months to see improvement or even years. That’s just part of living with this disease.
Like I mentioned, I suffered horribly. when I was younger It was torture. But this morning I got up early and enjoyed the great summer weather, and ate breakfast, I said “hi” to some neighbors, talked and laughed with my roommate, had a nice walk to my car. Said “hello” to half the people I passed.
I stopped and had a friendly conversation with the homeless lady who frequents the store behind the house. I didn’t have the dollar I often give her which made me feel bad. But she knows that if I had a spare dollar I would give it to her. Yeah, today was a lazy day. It was a good day overall. Sat on the porch and drank a soda. People get better. You do the right things for your recovery now, and it will pay off later.
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I just wanted to check up on you. How are you going today? I hope you are feeling better.
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Think of the potential you have to help others. Because you have gone through this kind of depression you might be able to help others who are going through it too. You could be of enormous benefit to the mental health field. Or, if that it too much for you, think of the benefit you can be to others like you on this site. You’re young, and you have a lot of life ahead of you. Things aren’t always going to be this way. I was similar to you in many ways when I was young. Now that I am 57 I am more content. I get into the simple pleasures, like watching a sunset, looking at the autumnal scenery, or getting into a good conversation with friends. I get into the simple pleasures. It’s not a bad way to live.
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Thank you! I’m alright! Not great. But getting by. 
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Glad you’re feeling better. Hope you really improve through the new week.
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Although I do not have schizophrenia, I have bipolar disorder and have suffered quite a bit from depression. I’ve found that I remain suicidal constantly while not on a mood stabilizer. Specifically, I find lamictal or lithium to be very effective at reducing the suicidal urges. I still have depression but feel a lot less agitated, which is what causes the suicidal feeling for me. It might be worth speaking with your psychiatrist and giving a mood stabilizer a try if nothing else works.
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