But at the same time I don’t want to die, but that’s a part of killing yourself… strange…
I feel the same at times. Why die when things could be so much better if only we didn’t have our problems. I don’t know what else to say but don’t harm yourself. Whats bothering you. For me its the meds but when i come off them i go crazy. My plan is to slowly reduce the dose and try and hold on.
@Kellie , please go back on your meds. Tell your parents you’ve come off them and you don’t feel well.
I hope you get to where you can tell your parents or someone that you are feeling suicidal? Please reach out. You will be surprised at how well you are treated by your family or friends if you reach out.
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Hi Kellie! I have wanted to kill myself many times over the years. I have lived with schizophrenia for over forty years. Every day is difficult still. Before too long something or someone will come along that will help you. Just keep reaching out. I know that you can find your way out of this. You can do it! I know that you can do it!
If you’re reading this, there is at least a small part in you that doesn’t want to die. Listen to it, and please read on.
Suicide is final – once it’s done, there’s no changing your mind. Since you have even the slightest of doubts, you owe it to yourself to stay alive.
You can always kill yourself later, why not wait? Even if you wait just one day, you may find a reason not to kill yourself in the meantime.
If you’re feeling suicidal, you’re probably in more pain than you know how to handle. There are ways to reduce the pain, and ways to learn to deal with pain. You can learn both - either way things will get better.
Just because you’re feeling suicidal doesn’t mean you have to act on that feeling.
Consider this – if you’re trying to escape from the pain you are in and seek relief, suicide is not the answer. You cannot feel relief, or anything else for that matter, if you are dead. You must stay alive in order to feel the relief you seek.
Often when feeling suicidal you feel alone. You are not alone – you found us didn’t you? Turn to your family or friends or a priest or a rabbi – anyone that will listen. If you don’t know whom to turn to try the phone lines the link again is http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html
By terminating your life right now, you terminate your future. Consider this – we create our own future. You have the power to create whatever future you wish for yourself. But you need to be alive in order to have that future.
If you’re sensitive enough to be in so much pain that you no longer want to live, you’re probably sensitive enough to care about, and want to help others. Maybe you don’t feel like helping anyone else right now, but why not help yourself? And perhaps by not killing yourself and overcoming your difficulties you can later help someone else who is in a similar situation.
Finally, don’t do it because I’m personally asking you not to. Whatever you’re feeling, whatever you’re going through, things can get better – I know because I’ve been there. Maybe I haven’t experienced exactly what you have, but not only have I thought of suicide, I tried it – thankfully I was unsuccessful and I can speak from personal experience when I tell you things can get better.
A lot of pain left from the act. It will affect all who you’ve contacted even this post has affected some of us. 15 feb 2011 a friend took her own life and I’m still struggling with it. Please there are people that care about you and I’m SZ myself I know how hard that is to believe some days. Meds and therapy helped me a great deal with my illness but it’s taken time. Hang in there it does get better.
There just random thoughts that pop into your head. You don’t have to follow them. You also don’t have to face them alone.
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I am so sorry that you feel this way, is there any particular reason?
Feel better soon @Kellie - try to distract yourself
@kellie came off her meds.
I had realized that. Thank you for your concern. Usually there is an underlying cause when feeling suicidal regardless of the status of medication.
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dont do that pls, i think you are perfect, we are all perfect but we all have problems
ancient chinese proverb- if the water is too pure then the fish won’t swim
it means that nobody is perfect, we survive.
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Sometimes problems can seem insurmountable. They can loom up and seem like mountains. Keep in mind that you can get through this. My older brother told me a story about a guy who jumped off the Golden Gate Bridge, and lived. The guy said that the second he cleared the rail he realized he could solve all the problems in his life, except the one he had just created for himself by jumping off the bridge.
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Instead of doing shrooms Kellie should have tried an exorcism, imo.
It’s better to live, even if your life totally sucks. I struggle with wanting to kill myself too, especially a year ago. While I was getting better, I started seeing all the blessings in my life, that I had but didn’t earn. Now the blessings I don’t really pay attention to. My depression has gotten worse. Sometimes I wish I could just give up and stay on social security without my family and doctors telling me to keep trying to get a job and have a life. I don’t know. Maybe giving up would just make it worse. I figure that life is relatively short and you might as well live it, because you only live it once.
Hope you can see the light at the end of this. I’m sure you’re loved very much.
You ever consider taking to a form of art? Even writing. You’ve got that schizo perspective on things.
You got some good advice and some good support. I think Dreamscapes whole post is particularly helpful and should be read over by you two or three times. You have to survive, it’s important and you’re important and you matter as much as anyone on this planet and you have as much right to be here as anyone else. We are all miserable most of the time but there are reasons to live.
Our lives on these forums are not all bad, it may sound like it it it’s not true. Look at Soitgoes. The poor guy goes through hell with voices and telepathy but two weeks later he’s picking up girls in bars for Christ sakes. Or something like that, lol. When I see stuff like that it makes me mad that I ever felt like giving up. Look at GTX or Judy. Same thing. I don’t mean to give someone unwanted attention but it just shows that what seems impossible is not always the case.
I am unhappy as the next guy/girl but I have many good moments during each day. I survive on other people showing how wrong they can be and how they aren’t aware of everything no matter how condescending they act. But forget about me. Help yourself and let us help you and share what we almost all have felt about suicide at one time or another. I really don’t want you to kill yourself. You seem decent. You’re just a little misguided about drugs. But that can be fixed. Use us. That’s what we’re here for.
I’ve known 5 people who have committed suicide. If they would have come to me (or anyone besides me) I would have done my best to help them. But they made the wrong choice.They couldn’t see how good-looking people found them and how people thought they were nice and how most people were jealous of them.
We all have good and bad things about us. We just have to live with them. None of us will ever be perfect, all of us have problems and most of us will live with these problems and suffer through them and still live. You have to too. You’re probably nice but you’re not perfect. I accept that about you. Other people will accept that too. I am trying not to make the situation worse in any way. Keep reaching out and I wish you good luck.
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I wish you a long life. Don’t kill yourself, you won’t solve any problem
I know how you feel. You can talk to someone, but not always treat the underlying condition. I’ve gone through periods of time when I’ve wanted out, and then I cured my demons by learning to understand them --demons being a subjective term for an attachment to a vice or substance.
Letting go may be a part of the cross into death, but think of life and how it is–just is life–and think of all the added potential you have when you are living now in the world and making it beautiful with your presence! I am going through a faze where I feel resistant to how life has unraveled around me, and seeing people suffer brings me pain sometimes, but I can tune it out. It is just that even pills, while a temporary cure for a diagnosed condition, I feel is substantial enough to balance someone often times, the underlying thoughts can become hard to bypass.
I personally took an OATH not to kill myself to my own spiritual household. The reason being that it I would rather there be a reason for me to die, and know what it was–than die either for the wrong reasons or die for no reason at all. I’ve survived a bunch of things recently, but that’s just normal life anymore. If you don’t want to die, then don’t die! If you want to give your mind a sense of calm or retribution or some sense of escape, seek that within yourself or imagine it with your thoughts, and remain rooted within the senses because that is not a quick fix or a solution.
please do not do anything stupid…
ring a help line… 
that helped me. 
know some one cares 
it would upset me greatly if you did something.
take care 
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Kellie: Please 1) get back on your meds, 2) get a new cocktail if you have to deal with the sfx, 3) get a referral to a psychotherapist who does dialectical behavior therapy (DBT, see http://behavioraltech.org/resources/whatisdbt.cfm).
DBT is the widely reserach proven therapeutic Cadillac for suicidality because it trains one in distress tolerance and emotion regulation. I would not be here typing this if it weren’t for DBT (I have awakened in the ICU twice after serious attempts).