Schizophrenia.com

I feel shaken

I feel so shaken and downcast. Despite taking my meds everyday I had breakthrough hallucinations. It didn’t totally screw me cuz right now I’m only taking one class. But now I’ve lost all confidence in my ability to hold down the job I have lined up. My doctors said they could write a note for me if it happens again once I am working. I’m thinking I should try working in industry rather than in a public cpa firm so that I only have to work 40 hours a week with less pressure now that I realize that this can happen, but my family is pushing me to keep trying to work in tax even with the busy seasons. I don’t know what to do. I think I should get my cpa license and then go into industry accounting. I was starting to hope that I could have a normal life but now that hope is shattered

Why is it that families fail to understand? I mean, who are they trying to impress?

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I think they believe in me too much. I think they think that I should just keep pushing. When I first became sick they didn’t push me at all and were ok with me just staying on SSI for the rest of my life. They think because I’ve been making a lot of gains in the past seven years since diagnosis that I can do it. But I feel like if I get breakthrough psychosis every four years I should take a less stressful job. They think that the problem is infrequent enough that I can just get a doctors note once every four years and push past it.

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It’s not your family’s choice to make. It’s not up to them. You are steering your ship. It’s ok to live your life the way you think is best for YOU.

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Maybe the problem is infrequent because of less stress. But now that you are doing it it came back. I think you should do what you want and feel like what the best for you would be rather than your family
Schizophrenia is hard enough for the person who has it, much less the family who thinks they understand it
If industrial is what you are thinking then you should go with that. And if later down the road you want to change then change it at that time
Just the fact that you are high functioning is a high quality in of its own self. Sounds like you have worked very hard to get to this place in your life. Don’t let family and friends take it away from you

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They aren’t trying to take it away from me it’s just that they think I can accomplish more than I think I can

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Thanks leaf. It’s just that I have a hard time making decisions on my own and I’m still uncertain about what to do

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Well when it’s all said and done only you know. Your still high achieving either way

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Thank you Cindy10

What does your heart say to do?

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Take care of yourself. If you need less stress and an industry job is less stressful then go for an industry job. There’s no shame in preferring a 40 hour work week.

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I’m not sure. I wanted to work hard and earn a lot to live a comfortable life. I was for a while wanting to make partner at the firm eventually. But now I’ve lost faith in my ability to work that hard consistently because of this last episode

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I’m sure you would work hard and live comfortably in a 40 hr cpa job too

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I just talked to my dad and realized that I was mistaken that there aren’t forty hours a week accountant jobs, and that I picked the wrong type of job to go into industry. I don’t mind working hard it’s just that I’ve been panicking about my episode. He was explaining to me that regardless of the number of hours a week it still would be bad to miss a week or two without a doctors note but that with a doctors note it would be ok. He was explaining that people get sick

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Last year I worked a few months at a job I liked before I got psychosis. I’m a substitute special ed tutor. Once school starts this August I plan to go back now that I have no more positive symptoms. It happens, but it’s treatable with time and patience. I once considered being a cpa and was told the hours aren’t that bad at least in Hawaii, max is 50 hours per week and that’s only once in a while. Personally I have no ability to work full time anymore. Do what you feel you can handle.

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Thanks tukey. I can handle the workload when I’m not hallucinating. I’m just panicking about having breakthrough symptoms

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