I feel like I don't have sza

Like my psychiatrist thinks I am and I told her about my history with faking it but still don’t think I have it. Especially because of how my boyfriend says certain ideas just stick with me because of my drug use. I just feel real bad that I might have been faking and doubt anything I feel now.

Your posts suggest you’re not faking at all.


But this is before I was faking it or thought I was faking it. Like I think I did this when I was 18.

Even if you faked before, it’s really happening now so let it go and continue to seek out and follow advice and meds from your treatment team

I just wonder if it is really happening now and the attention I got from when I was faking made it seem like to my family and doctors that I have a problem and this continued till now. So they have that bias of me or towards me. If you get my drift. I explained this to my psychiatrist. She thinks I still have problems.

I think you do too.

I think you have problems too Pianogal and I truly don’t believe anyone is following you even though you probably don’t believe me. That’s because you are a good person. I’m finally getting over that I wasn’t a terrorist but it’s hard getting over that since I had them trying to interview me in my head. All mostly mental stuff. I think that’s the giveaway. I hope. Or maybe it’s so secretive.

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You aren’t faking it. As Pianogal said, your posts suggest otherwise.

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You think your boyfriend is the devil and that’s not what a healthy person would think, so I think you definitely have a mental illness

I was interviewed by the gvt when I had surgery years back. They asked me my logins to see if I would tell the truth and I did. They questioned me for 9 hours after my surgery. The hospital staff claimed I was in recovery for 9 hours due to low blood pressure. But I remember them questioning me all that time. It was so frustrating.

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I mean you can always try going off medicine and we see what happens to you afterwards it’s your choice

That’s weird. What were they questioning you about? And what logins?

My email accounts. They asked me if I was an agent and questions in regard to that

Sort of reminds me what happened with my ex. He worked for an operative who killed himself. It was on CNN. My ex’s twitter was hacked by a Russian tag. He was interviewed by the House of Representatives for about 20 pages. I somehow feel this connects to me since I had images in my mind of him being taken to Israel to be killed. Weird things indeed.

I still think you have sz. Weird things just happen during this illness. If that is what I have at all.

Didn’t they figure you were honest? It’s weird because I can’t access any of my old email accounts back when I may have been accused a terrorist. If the gvt wanted to get into your email they could without you telling your logins. But they might have been just trying to see the truth?

My friend who was also sz told me how the gvt interviewed him as well. So I think it’s not uncommon. He was befuddled by it. Didn’t really want to share it with me.

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This post makes me paranoid because I could have sworn the gvt was interviewing my neighbor after she was in the hospital. She seems to not remember any of it though. I was messed up on adderall so don’t know if I heard correctly.

What I’m worrying about is the seriousness of what I’m facing: hell. I feel like I should be doing something about my situation but I’m not.

If it’s not real, which everyone says it isn’t, there’s nothing to do but take meds

Ive felt this way before because when i was 15 i had a friend with sz and i told some people i had it when i didnt really know. Turns out ive had it since i was 7 or so. My therapist told me she believes people can intuitively know where they are

What’s weird too is I took an anthropology class and one of the topics that just so happened to be my group was on nuclear security. I don’t know why an anthropology class would have nuclear security as a topic?

Surely the class would have explained how they relate. Strange they didnt