I’m diagnosed sza. Almost everyone around me has stories of how they had to get help at psych wards. Mind you, I’m not saying I want to go; I realize the trauma that can happen if someone goes through that. I just struggle with feeling valid when everyone has this seemingly universal experience that binds them together that I’ve never had. It wasn’t that I never needed to go. It’s just so expensive here in the states and I’m paranoid about going into that kind of debt.
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Why would you go if it was not necessary?
It was necessary. I just don’t have the money. I think you misunderstood what I wrote.
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Sorry. How are you doing now? Are you ok?
I can empathize with that kind of feeling. I was medically discharged from the army for psoriatic arthritis, major depression, anxiety and maladjustment disorder. And for the last 10 years I have been dealing with the delusion that since I was never in combat that I must have just made up all of my symptoms. And if they catch me I’ll be sent to jail for defrauding the govt. and lose my only source of income. It’s only been in the last 3 months that I could fight through that and seek the help I’ve needed. My new va pdoc is leaning toward a SZA diagnosis. I still feel like a fraud. Any way, I am learning that these fears are a symptom that can be treated if I have the courage to seek help.
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I’m much better now that I’ve had access to doctors and medicine that works well with me. Thank you.
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Many, if not most of us, tend to doubt the diagnosis. Goodness knows I do. I’ve always had clarity. It may take me a while, but I do realize that what I’m experiencing, thinking, or feeling isn’t accurate. I have sza, bipolar type. I know it’s not exactly comparable, but I’ve never had my house broken into, yet most of my external auditory hallucinations center around exactly that. So you may not have been in combat, but I don’t see any reason you can’t have problems centered around it.
And @R00nT00n, being inpatient is not an experience I’d wish on anyone. I’m sorry that you couldn’t go when you needed to.
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Funkeldunks, I was also medically discharged (retired) from the Army. At the time, I was only diagnosed with PTSD and MDD because I hid the hallucinations/delusions from them, even though I was hospitalized. I was so afraid of going mad (I already was … LOL), but I kept trying to muscle through it and wish it away. Initially, I was on the Temporary Retired list and hoped I may go back after review, but that did not happen for me. For years, I was doing everything possible not to wear the SzA diagnosis. Right, I get it, about not being a combat veteran. Crazy that we think we are not deserving? of an illness because we did not see combat. My PTSD is service/duty related, but not from combat. I too have struggled with thinking folks do not or will not believe the symptoms I have, but have them I do! Bad thing about military service is that we are “trained” to not be sick and frowned upon when we really are, so we end up living in denial of illness because we are supposed to be strong enough to grin and bear it and keep marching on as part of the war machine that the military is.
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I didn’t go into hospital until 10 years after my psychosis diagnosis. I was treated in the community before then.
I am still struggling to tell (admit) all my symptoms to my doc. I was extremely paranoid during my medboard process. It really is a shame the almost phobia of admitting any preceived weakness that we internalize. I really appreciate you sharing your experience.
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I was extremely paranoid, too. I felt profound guilt, as if I had done something wrong. I gave myself no compassion for what I was suffering. Instead, I felt intense shame for betraying the military. Really warped when I think of it now, but that is how I experienced it.
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It’s a good thing that you managed yourself without being hospitalized.
Not being hospitalized doesn’t invalidate your experience.
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Agree with this. There were several more times over the years when I “could” have been hospitalized, but I learned how to isolate and manage my symptoms (painstakingly so) until exacerbations abated.
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My mom, who is deeply, severely psychotic, has never been hospitalized. Because she thinks she is fine. There’s a huge backstory, but I don’t want to go into it. I, myself, have been hospitalized 3 times.
But you aren’t a fake for not being hospitalized. Especially when you admit that you were ill enough to need hospitalization, you just can’t / couldn’t afford it. I totally get that. I’m also in the US and I have about 15K dollars in medical debt. And that’s WITH insurance. Absurd.
You are valid. 
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Uh, you didn’t miss out on much. Most hospitals are scary or boring or don’t help. There are other things I’d rather have in common with people than having been in one of those places.
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Trust me. You do not need that experience.
Be kind to yourself, your probably dealing with so much with SZA.
Good that you have access to care now.
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I may not have your experience, but I feel for you. If you ever need someone to reach out to and talk to, please feel free to send me a message.
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Don’t worry. You have the rest of your life to avoid it. And they will probably meet you sooner or later unless you are incredibly lucky. If you don’t have to go do yourself a favor and don’t go. I went almost 15 years after being diagnosed before I darkened a Psych Ward’s doors, and 22 years before I did it more than once in a year. Yet by the end of the last experience I realized I had no goals in life left other than to not go again.