Absolutely bizarre response to xyrem tonight. First of all I was sending embarrassing messages to lots of people I knew. The loopiness seemed way more than usual. But then when I tried to go to sleep, the tactile hallucinations became EXTREME. Like I can normally “sense” another world. It’s just a symptom of my psychosis I have, like it feels like I have another sense like hearing or taste or whatever. Well now it’s like the other world is EXTREMELY NEAR.
I’ve been fighting relentlessly but oh my god. For a good chunk of time I couldn’t even move I couldn’t even sit up. It felt like some being was BARRAGING me with pleasure and euphoria. I kept feeling as if something was trying to climb inside of my body and as I fought back I could push it out more. I felt “awake” and like I knew every being in existence. I really don’t know how to describe what I just went through. Extreme depersonalization? I have no idea. My body, my being felt like it was disintegrating. I felt like the devil himself was trying to possess me, or f*** me, I am not sure what.
The other nights on xyrem have been wonky sure but tonight just feels WRONG and insane, like I took some insane illicit drug. God I wish I knew what was happening, what was causing this, what even I just experienced was.
Should I cease taking this med? At this dose at least I don’t think it is safe to continue. I need to be on a dose that will knock me out and not lead to this crazy period. I have never been manic in my life but if I had to imagine what it was like it would be this. Oh my god. I need help. Sorry everyone. If anyone remotely understands any of this and has answers please give them. I’m fascinated and terrified at the same time and struggling to hold onto my sense of reason and reality.
Oh god it’s happening again, that feeling of absolutely over the top pleasure/euphoria. Like I can’t stand it. I’m lost in an ocean of this. It’s not even orgasmic at this point it’s like 50000 orgasms on top of each other. What the HELL. I just want to SLEEP.
Also earlier before that crazy depersonalization I was having trouble sleeping as it sounded like a man was speaking but muffled. Like I could hear the throat vibrations and sort of feel them but not really make out words or a full voice. I don’t think I hear it now.
I was crying to God to free me. I told him “He is too strong, this is like trying to keep a tornado out of the house by leaning against the front door” but every time I’d plead like this God would simply say “You are stronger.” But then the force attacking me would amp up. I’m so confused. I just want to sleep.
I am so so sorry I don’t want to trigger anyone on here I’m just trying to describe what I’m going through. I feel like if I don’t talk about it, I’ll go insane. Like right now this website is letting me hang onto the knowledge that I have an illness and is getting me to think analytically about this. I am terrified. I am so scared.
Earlier when I was hearing the voice and the hallucinations were amplified, I wanted to get my headphones to try to block it out with music and amp myself up to fight. They were gone. I’d been watching a movie and when I took them off set them right beside me. I demanded that my headphones be given back. Immediately as I did this, immediately the kitchen light turned on and I heard footsteps except NO ONE in my family stays up this late except me. I stood up from my bed and walked in front of it, where I had felt the presence barraging me from, and found my headphones lying on the floor. As soon as I picked them up and sat back in bed, the kitchen light went off except I didn’t hear any footsteps walk away.
I think I’m now having a panic attack. Haven’t had one of these in years. I took a small amount of benzo. Holy crap I have no idea what brought this reaction on.
Try taking forced deep breaths and think of separating yourself from the unwanted presence, think of every mean spirited nasty thing you can to focus at it and seperate from it, do anything regular you can like taking a drink of water, a bite of food, even playing a favorite song. I hope it stops and you can rest
Hey everyone, update, I’m fine now. Dead tired, but ok. I think the benzo eventually kicked in and I just passed out from exhaustion. I MUST have done something wrong prepping the xyrem last night that is all I can think of because that was not like ANY of my previous nights with it, that was insanity. I have NO idea what that was. I’m going to carefully check over all the instructions one more time to make sure I’m diluting it properly and all that. I wish it was just a simple pill to take.
Or I wonder if since my parents threw my bottles to hold the doses in, what if the water content is evaporating out of the normal cups I now have to store it in until I get new ones? Thus making the effect stronger? Maybe I can try to find some empty pill bottles to keep it in instead.
God last night was rough. It was a fun time initially that turned into embarrassment that turned into some sort of wild drug induced euphoria that I think crashed into the strong paranoia and panic attack.
Anyways mods feel free to close this thread now. I made it through
“Tell your doctor right away if you have any serious side effects, including: mental/mood changes (e.g., confusion, psychosis, hallucinations, agitation, depression, thoughts of suicide), bedwetting, weakness, ringing in the ears, sleepwalking.”
