I dont do anything.
She also said that she experienced similar situation as mine but she always struggled… yeah, similar… she is supposed to support me no?
do I look spoiled and lazy? whatever…
no way for the therapy Andrey, my mom doesn’t believe it for me.
I am the only one who spent her life at home? I am afraid from the judgement of the people outside, you know…why everybody puts me pressure just to move on? I am depressed when I see the others lives… mine is on zero since 2 decades. and ive struggled till my twenties cause I knew that I am ill. But this didn’t move me. I just hope on my meds now and my activity at home… that’s all. for some, its not enough.
I dont believe it either too. ive done therapy for 4 months in the past and I was unhappy as hell too… maybe it was a bad therapist idk… plus, I lack mostly a life. how a therapist will get me a life?
yeah, when jealousy hurts. I rage sometimes against my life. that’s the case now…
do you tell yourself that I should be in a bad state? I hate the pity. but maybe I cant understand that I have my place here…
I took a klonopin now. Ill feel it even tomorrow. I hope it will calm my depression now so ill try to go outside tomorrow to a moms friend. I need air… those days I was going just to the supermarket for a few and it starts to make me mad cause the shops are not fun… I prefer my moms friend
I feel jealous and paranoid now, that’s how it works in my case…
but does really somebody here appreciates me for something?
I don’t get any support from any of my family, they think that I am lazy. I find this forum really helpful because I can talk to people about my mental health disorders.
I guess my loneliness went too deep too… the years in france I was seeing only one couple in love… I was the third one, yeah… why I did this to me? why ive chosen the loneliness, is it so strange for you?
I guess you are more receptive than me @Simonw :). I am not receptive to others sometimes even here… I just vent and maybe it irritates some people here, I am not sure :(… yes, the forum is good.
I think now that my mom got crazy a bit because of me… I am afraid that I can be very depressing and she has no friends anymore almost, no job, no interests besides the tv…
It is not easy looking for a good therapist. Many have no clue how to deal with special cases like yours, Anna.
I understand you have been disappointed once. But you shouldn’t give up. There must be at least one good therapist in all of Bulgaria.
Meds only help against psychosis and delusions. That is all. They don’t help with negative thoughts, jealousy, regrets, envy…
Your pdoc will happy as long as you take your meds and don’t attempt suicide, they don’t care if you have BPD.
Almost all pdocs are the same. They don’t have a clue about psycho therapies.
Andrey, to be at this point maybe I am schizophrenic a bit, dont you think so??? I was hiding from the other patients in the hospital, you know… I was avoiding them like the devil, I was super scared that they’ll judge me or aggress me cause I am like this… isn’t this a bit psychotic?
yeah, I start to see that my envy doesn’t go away on meds. Ill try the going out tomorrow. it will be a good thing isn’t it?
the pdocs dont care about us you think? yes, I proposed once to mine to have therapy with her but she wasn’t enthousiastic about it even though she is psychotherapist too… pfff.
there are some good therapists here. I think of one precisely but I was his student once, hah… I was doing clinical social work for two semesters and I am ashamed now to go to see him like this. I am too ashamed of my envy etc etc,… but there should be a bunch of other therapists too, yeap.
Yes, it is possible to have sz and bpd.
Anxiety is treated by benzos. Sz is treated by zyprexa. Bpd is only treated 25% by zyprexa. You struggle with the remaining 75% of bpd. I know it’s hard.
Find a good therapist whom you can trust.
Tell him everything, your jealousy, your fears, your inner fights. He will hopefully find a good strategy to help you.
I think I have them both, yes…
this night my brain Is a mess… I feel sleepy now, I ve had emotions today with my mom. hah… they tired me.
But do I still have my place here even though I am hard to all of you here?
But people, her words alerted me. She asked me with a serious tone - ‘‘But dont you think that I never experienced what you experience? I suffered too spiritually and other way.’’… wtf… its strange for me to hear from a person who pretends to be healthy mentally those words… its very strange for me… Honestly, I start to think that there is something wrong with my mother and my illness is not only due to the genes of my father like she was claiming for years… One unhappy woman made a terribly confused and unhappy child… In all my memories my mother was unhappy. gosh, it gets harder… ok, my father was beating here but I think she was talking about her unhappiness from life…
Honestly, my parents are not normal both and I have it so hard now because of this maybe…
