Here’s 2 things to think about when you are thinking about committing suicide. If you survive it what shape will you be in? Can you seriously tell me no one actually cares. Would you want to be lying there incapacitated not in control of what others do to you? I remember taking an overdose of meds on purpose in a suicide attempt and living through it and I always wish I could take that back. I took it right before a Math test and failed the class and ultimately got kicked out of school. What was especially dumb about it was it was a drug that worsened my psychosis. Did anyone not care? My family was shocked and scared and I never saw a college class again for almost 2 decades and spent my youth working menial jobs for little or no pay and am now on Welfare. If I had gotten help sooner I might have done better in life rather than trying to end it all. And I noticed a lot of people on this site are worried about the fact you have not responded to our concerns.
Please Please Don’t hurt yourself. You are a unique and profoundly loved person. Even if you don’t see it right now.
I suffered extreme self hate. for most of my life. I think that may be wrapped up in the illness along with my childhood. When I talked about all the things I had done in my life with a minister the only thing he said is “You must hate yourself a lot” Yes, I had much self hate. I still get, occasionally, and use to get everyday thoughts that I want to die. Suicide is a Permanent solution to a Temporary problem. You can get through this. Talk to your doc, maybe some therapy. It WILL get better.
I hate myself too, sometimes I love myself and pity myself for what I have to go through. When I say something stupid or ignorant I tend to beat myself up over it. I see myself as lazy, selfish, stupid and arrogant all at the same time.
A little bit of self hate never hurt anybody.
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@anon80629714 I hope you’re safe right now. Since I know you can handle this, I’m going to say as gently as possibly, with @patrick, that you need to do something concrete to get out of yourself. Most of your posts are about you and your dating life, and who wouldn’t be miserable if that’s all they thought about? It might sound cliche, but try doing something for somebody else. When I went to school for the first time in three years, I was very uncomfortable and someone suggested that I try to make others feel comfortable if I’m feeling uncomfortable. So I tried that and it worked. When I was thinking about making others comfortable, I felt comfortable. It goes to show that thinking about others is the most healthy, natural thing to do. Try it!
I am still alive and not that stupid to take my life. Yes my posts seem to be about my dating life and I sorry for that. One guy I was talking to last told me I behaved like a whore and a ■■■■ because I slept with a guy. But it was my first time and I was 31 years old. He said he’d have respected me more and wanted me more if I had waited for him. He’s slept with a girl too! He said he won’t go down on me because another guy has been there and that I’m not wifey material cos of what I did. Ok that maybe not be the only reason I’m like this. As you guys know my dad passed away three months back but I’m so distressed. I’ve made an app for tomorrow. There’s no way I’m waiting two weeks for a free appointment. I’ve been signed off sick too. Because they think I’ll do something stupid at work.
Thanks for checking back in, and good luck with tomorrow’s appointment! Let us all know how it goes! 
I have my own appointment in 2 weeks at The Royal Mental Hospital here in town. I’ll post in the details once I’m checked out.
Don’t worry about a judgmental guy. There are guys more worthwhile.
Hugs @anon80629714
I’ve got an appt Tuesday with my p doc to ween off an old med
No need to care about what the guy think about you. Live yourself. The appt is more important.
Honey! Wipe the dust off your feet! That guy is a piece of ■■■■ for treating you that way! You are a special person who is going places. I’m sorry about the loss of your father. I hope you get good help at your appointment tomorrow.
“He said he won’t go down on me because another guy has been there and
that I’m not wifey material cos of what I did.”
Sounds like a comment from a dude with a really small johnson. Tell him you wouldn’t go down on him because you’d have too much trouble finding it.
I wouldn’t worry about what one jerk guy says. I mean you could always tell him some other woman’s been down there and you don’t want to go after her…if that were the case anyway. I know it’s childish sorry, it’s bit of mood I’m in right now. I hope you get to feeling better. I can’t say I know what you’re going through, I have both my parents howeverr I’ve lost grandparents I know loosing a loved one is very hard. I’m glad you made an appointment and at least you don’t have to worry about work for a bit. Sometimes you just have to step out of a situation and really evaluate it
Thanks for checking in @anon80629714. A lot of folks here were worried about you.
I’m glad you’ve got an appointment tomorrow. Just take it easy until then.
It’s just as well that this guy made it clear that he’s a jerk right up front. I wouldn’t waste another nanosecond on this guy if I were you.
Take care.
Yes, because a man’s tool has magical properties that change the fundamental nature of a woman’s personality the first time she comes in contact with it in her lifetime.
=spit=
Don’t give idiots like this the time of day. They are beneath you.
Sorry if I was overly concerned. I get into self hate and want to die sometimes and I hate it afterwards when everyone becomes Overly Concerned. It sounds like you are quite self aware and I think you will do just fine. Sounds like just another bump in the road. As @Nomad said doing something for others can help quite a bit. Even being there to listen to another persons day takes me out of myself and may actually help me more than them. Best of wishes.
Yeah @anon80629714…
Be more giving. Have some sympathy for others. For example, when @Jimbob goes on another 24 hour Naked Challenge, at least wish him well and tell him you hope he doesn’t get his knob caught while closing the fridge door.
And don’t be afraid to give advice.Tell @shutterbug that talking dirty to your wife after vaping helium is NOT a turn on!
Ya know…shtuff like that! 
Probably not a good time to mention that amount of gasoline I accidentally huff during a day at work. (YOU load 17000 litres of the stuff and try not to breathe in any.)
Do you wear a mask? Or at least have the option to? Would it make a difference?
Got a 3M half-face respirator with special filter packs for diesel/gas vapours and also exhaust particulates when you have to leave the truck running while you load. I occasionally get in a hurry and forget to put it on (it isn’t OHS mandated PPE). Not a huge deal when you’re only loading one compartment on the truck, but I had to take out five this week and got a snoot full of gas fumes. Made a point of sitting for half an hour to clear my head before getting behind the wheel.