I don't want to be with my friends anymore (any advice?)

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I have two friends whom I hang with.

One of them has started forcing me to go out with him by coming to my home and then arguing why I need to go out with him. I really don’t understand why I should go out with him when I’m not in the mood?

When we go out he’s a total weirdo. He buys drinks, sits for a few minutes then he leaves the table and walks around the pub leaving me to sit alone for a long time. It didn’t bother me before, I can manage on my own. But the behavior is really weird. He sits, then he gets up, and walks around!?? Sometimes he just disappears and leaves me by myself. When I ask him what he is doing her replies by saying I don’t know or I don’t remember.

My other friend is also a little bit weird. I’m thankful that I had him as a friend, he took me out when I was first struck by sz. I wasn’t alone because of him.

But something is bothering me. When we hang out he really alienates me. He doesn’t ask questions, if I try to talk to him he ignores me, he doesn’t laugh at anyone’s jokes even though he jokes around constantly. He wants to be the centre of attention. It’s like anything outside his own little box doesn’t exist. That includes me!?

I don’t have much confidence. And I suffer from social phobia. I’m avoidant. I think they have picked it up and think they can treat me as they wish. I’m not sure though? Maybe it’s just in my head?

When I was in my 20’s I struggled with depression. I did go out but I really never picked up any girls. I was too shy. But I always went out because I thought that people were having more fun than I did. I used to obsess about it.

Now when I’m older I understand that going out is very boring, and I only do it for alcohol. People are very insecure and talk uninteresting bs. They get drunk and are desperate to get some validation from the opposite sex.

I used to dream about meeting someone. After I got a mental illness, I don’t think going out is any fun. I’m also thinking of dumping my so called friends. Because I’m not having any fun and I feel like an alienated object when I’m around them. And meds make me uninterested about sex or meeting a woman. Also I’m too insecure so there’s that…

These days I realize people are really not having any fun outside of me. And I’m not really sure about my friends!?

I wish I had a hobby. But don’t know what kind of hobby would be interesting? I’m going to do physio for a couple of months but that’s not really a hobby.

What’s your opinion about this? What should I do?

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Don’t know
But are you on any antidepressants for your social phobia. Seroxat is a good one.
You might want to tackle your social phobia. Do your mental health services give any psychology or CBT
Don’t know what you should do about your friends. Maybe getting a hobby is a good idea .
I’m not really good at giving advice because I’m stuck myself.

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Yes, I’m on paxil.

I’m currently reading a book on self esteem through CBT.

My mental health services are non existent. They don’t give a flying fu-ck about me because I’m stable on AP’s.

Yeah, that’s what I’m thinking. I used to paint and draw but find it boring these days.

Any input is good! Thanks! :wink:

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I wouldn’t hang out with those friends anymore but that’s just me. I haven’t had friends for a long time and none of them were real friends. If I could talk more I’d try to be friends with a few of the guys in my ACT program but I have a hard time with conversations. I really don’t like going anywhere either so that’s another reason I don’t have any friends.

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It sounds like you’ve outgrown your friends. On the other hand you should look at it from the perspective of having gotten rid of your friends and see if there is any regret. You talk about needing a hobby, will you miss the time you could spend with your friends?

Anyway it sounds like it’s not a question if you move on from your friends but when. I don’t like how they are treating you. I wish the best for you from here.

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That’s the thing. I won’t miss anything if I move on from here. The fun is where I am at. Not the other way around. I want to do something that has some kind of significance to me. I want to start small and have a hobby. I just don’t know what?

It’s been bothering me a long time. These people know how to attract people on a superficial level, but it’s just an act. They are really weird, or at least against me they are.

I have been very understanding, accepting etc. But I feel that something is off, and I feel like I’m being used or mistreated because something is lacking in these people.

Thank you!

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@Speedy

I would hang on to your friends but strictly not for drinking with instead er chats sober

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I would try and make some more friends who you connect with more. There’s no point in socialising with people when you don’t enjoy their company. It may also be easier to maintain the friendship if you see them less often.

I have a really close group of friends from school but when I was in my mid twenties I realised quite a lot of them had qualities I didn’t enjoy. I made a few more friends last year from going to meetup events and it helps me appreciate my school friends more because I am not reliant on them to meet my social needs. The qualities I mention still annoy me but its easier to get over because of the newer friends.

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I had an argument with prior friends who said they were ok with my sz diagnosis, but wouldn’t try and make amends with me… so after I had the argument they weren’t trying to get back to friends with me after 7-8 years. I felt it fading away earlier but stick around, but if they don’t wanna make amends I wouldn’t want to be involved with them. Treating you weirdly is no good… but at the end it’s your best judgement… maybe you can see their benefits outweigh their negatives!

Edit: I know arguments are best left unvisited, but if they were hoping to make amends with me would have been good!

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Can you join a walking club @speedy ?

My aunt did that after she became a widow. They go for walks and you can chat in the meantime if you like.

It’s a good way to exercise, go out and socialize a bit.

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That’s not easy. Letting go of the few friends you have is tough, especially when they’re bad friends but you need socialising of some kind.

I’ve let go of a lot of friends because they were ultimately bad for me - usually drug users

It’s left me in a situation where I am ultra reliant on my family for socialising

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I think those are for the elderly around here. Lol.

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Yeah, that’s the problem. I need to think about it to figure things out.

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Here they also have a walking club for mentally disabled people. They do walks in nature.

I went once and it was okay.

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How’s it going Jonathan? You still in Paris?

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No I returned yesterday late at night. I made some posts this morning in the Say Anything thread about it.

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Ok! I’ll read what you wrote in the say anything thread.

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For your convenience :grinning:

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@Speedy,true women like insecure man.
I think talking to a female friend would help a bit,and without sex at first.
If you live in area where your school was,search for kind people…
I wish I can say more…

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I’d flatly and adamantly refuse to go, and I’d say why. Tell him he walks around and leaves you for a long time which means he doesn’t need you there. He can go on his own.

I’d tell him he’s welcome to hang at my house but that’s it.

As for the self centered friend, that kind of friendship will give you a complex. It’s hard to be friends with someone who doesn’t care about anything you say and it hurts deeply. I’d end it.

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