The demon just wants to convince me that I’m evil and that God left me long ago and that life is miserable so I should just kill myself. It’s very difficult for me to not feel evil when I get such horrible sadistic thoughts all of the time. I feel like I’ve got a monster in me and ever since the demons raped me I’ve been corrupted and disturbed. I just feel really awful today, like curl up in a ball want to cry awful. I’m trying to get my head out of this place and I am hoping family will help as I’m going to go see my brother’s play today.
Jeez Anna, please go back on an ap. This breaks my heart.
I use to have delusions of grandeur and rather felt righteous than evil. The one is as confusing as the other. We are all just human beings and we can mistakenly interpret or rationalise or personalise our thoughts and emotions in many ways. We are not the illness. Listen to @Minnii and get back on an ap. It really, really helps.
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I really connect with this. I feel this every day and I know what a hell it can be. I hope you’re feeling better soon. 
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You have a long way to go before I would call you evil. If you’re off your med’s let your pdoc know. She might be able to find alternative medications that you can tolerate better.
Why do ppl always have religious delusions? I kind of envy you, most of my delusions and intrusive thoughts are either violent or sexual (mostly sexual). Whenever I get psychotic I’m like you I feel as if I’m being tortured and emotionally violated by the disturbing thoughts. Thats why I always take my medication on time without fail, because I know the sheer torture thats lying in wait on the other side.
Listen to @Minnii and get back on your medication. You might end up hurting yourself or someone else physically or emotionally. You’ve seen those people who live homeless on the streets, right? Well, you could end up in that situation if you don’t take your medication. Just think about it and do whatever you feel is necessary.
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I have that as well, the violent and sexual intrusive thoughts. It’s awful. Today I was just trying to take a nap and wound up having this “fantasy” where I met up with one of my old friends from school, stabbed him in the throat, stabbed him under the chin into his mouth, then he passes out from pain and I cut off his head, nail it to the wall and pull his tongue out through the hole under his chin where I stabbed him because I think it’s funny.
How do you convince yourself you’re not evil when you have thoughts like that.
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yeah i get sadistic thoughts like that but as long as u have control over urself and not harming others i think its ok… it may be just anxiety or surpressed anger and helplessness.
I tried to be evil in the eye of religion just to seek privacy, didn’t work. In my opinion, you needed to set a target in life as the most important and find a therapists to help you out distinguish whats needed to reach it under the circumstances of your condition. Im on my way of finding peace, at last.