I dont understand my parents!

[Anon10]

they seem completely disinterested in my condition. they’re completely focused on their own jobs. at the same time they seem to hate their jobs!

they also seem extremely bitter and jaded, i think because of recent deaths of family members who they loved, for my father his mother died like 5 yrs ago and he never got over it. my moms sister and father died like 5 or 6 yrs ago.

now its like they got together and decided they would act all depressed and distrustful all the time for a long time, like an extended mourning.

they’ve also become really religious, which is kind of the opposite to me. they are extremely conservative, homophobic etc. these are views i do not share.

they just seem so set in their ways and filled with hatred and distrust of new ideas or suggestions. when i was a kid we were never this religious!

the part which really confuses me is that they seem to love and respect my other adult siblings more than me. they actually smile at them and are responsive, whereas with me they have totally no interest in me or my emotions. they don’t ever mention my illness, almost as if theyre ashamed of it. when i very rarely bring up that im having issues they actively ignore me.

am i expecting too much of them? i try and reach out to them, ask them about their work, talk about people who passed away in a caring way, talk about the stuff they care about. in the end i get nowhere, they don’t care about anything i have to say!

sometimes i feel like they are just unfeeling dicks. i feel like they need to be less closed off and rigid. all the time they act as if everyone in the world besides them is just stupid and evil.

i remember a time when they used to be a bit more caring and open, when they used to respond emotionally rather than always being so cold. that was before i got sz, before their parents passed away.

TLDR:
what do you suggest i do about my issues with my parents? how can i stop them from being so hateful and stuff? am i delusional to believe that they are this way? finally, what have your experiences been with your parents especially concerning the illness? do they support you or seem to care?

[Wave]

Be careful that it’s not delusional thinking.

When I got sick (psychotic) in 2016, I thought that my entire family was out to get me.

I was delusional and soon hospitalized.

[anon65600981]

Neither of my parents were very supportive. But in some ways they never were anyways. At least my mom sent me clothes and gifts when I was in the hospital and when I needed help afterwards. But as far as any understanding of the illness: zero.
Many parents can be unsupportive and react to the illness in unfair and judgemental ways. At least your parents allow you to live with them. I met all sorts of people who were sent to board-and-cares (I lived in a couple for a few years) and there are many homeless people who are sz or sza, as well as those who on conservatorship with a public guardian and are forced to live in long-term hospitals. They get a visit here and there, but they are basically on their own.
Not that your concerns aren’t completely valid and relevant. It’s so hard to deal with your illness already, but when your parents are adding to your difficulties, yes— it’s very painful.
I’m not sure of your financial situation, available resources, or how old you are. You might find that moving out on your own could be a good thing when you feel you are ready. Being independent and having more personal freedom might be the very thing that may help you recover and feel more like your old self. You might find that you don’t have so much time to dwell on the negatives and your symptoms if you have to spend more time just doing the things you need to do to get by on your own.

[Csummers]

Sometime living in the same house numbs people and they ‘check out’ so to speak.
Are you expecting to much from them?
Probably not, but you are expecting mire from them than they are willing to give.
How to deal with it?
Maybe it’s time to back away from them and find others who will give you more of what you need.
Parents are just people too, they’re not usually perfect and sometimes they want to stop being the parent and start being an individual with their own needs again.
The bottom line is, if you need more from them than you are getting, it’s time to get what you neef from someone else.

[Anon10]

I don’t consider anyone outside my family trustworthy enough to disclose my mental health issues to. As for my adult siblings, they have their own lives as well and often say insensitive things, like saying I don’t believe I can be helped and can’t trust anybody, or that I’m too “needy”. My psychiatrist listens to me once every few months but he can only help with meds. I end up falling back on this forum.

[Csummers]

I’ve learned the hard way that people, esp. my own family, is not intrested one bit in hearing about my problems.
It’s just not something they care to hear, and will actually walk off if I persist in talking about something they ‘don’t want to understand.’

This forum is my lifesaver. Can’t imagine my life if I hadn’t found it.
You can only get from people that which they are willing to give.
That said, use this forum as needed, and hopefully your parents will re-engage with you in time.

[valiumprincess]

If you aren’t dependant on them I would cut them out of your life. You don’t owe family anything if they’re shitty people.

[anon62371846]

My experience with my mother is that the more she sais that she hates me and other things like that i know i have her caring for me. I dont know about other families but in my family all emotions mean opposite thing.

Thats just her way of saying i love you.

[TheBest]

Not sure if you still live with your parents or not. Time apart would definitely cure that coldness. When I went away to the Navy for a couple of years my parents were so proud and so happy to see me when I came home once a year. I got into a little bit of trouble in the Navy and eventually had to live with my parents again and it was a disaster. On top of that I quit taking my meds. I probably was the reason they sold their house and moved. Now I live on my own and text my Mom everyday. It seems they just want me to live a productive life and support myself.