Schizophrenia.com

I don't feel like i deserve to live

I feel like I have no worth and I’m just wasting everyone’s life.

My parents wish so much for me to get better but I can’t because it’s chronic.

I can’t make my body feel ok again.

I can’t grant their wish and now I feel powerless.

I feel like I’m wasting their lives.

I’m wasting time, space, money by existing.

I’m no good. I need to be eliminated.

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I get that feeling too sometimes trust me you deserve to live in fact last week I felt that way and I feel better now and I realize if I did what I wanted to do it would of been a big mistake it can and does get better

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Do you have a therapist? Sorry, I can’t recall. If so, do you discuss these things with her?

I get worried about you girl. You sound so much like I did after I broke my neck.

You’re not a burden to anyone. They help, because they care

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You sound like you need a hospital stay. You are worthy of living, and not just living, but living well and happy. Please tell your dr what’s going on

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Live for yourself. Do what you have to to survive.

Maybe put some money in crypto too. That won’t steer you wrong, it’s a nice bull market ATM. You’ll be able to treat your fam if you sell around Dec.

I’m on the process of getting diagnosed with an incurable condition at the moment.

Plus I’m really paranoid because there’s a potential homocide case happening, and I’m worried that it’s mental health related. I just feel responsible for that victim’s death.

I’m honestly so tired.

And when I talk about this to my pdoc, she says there’s nothing much she can do.

That must be very difficult, my prayers are with you

I had a similar fear during the early onset of schizophrenia. There was a missing person report, and I was convinced the police were going to blame it on me. The voices just reinforced that fear.

You got to let that ■■■■ go, girl. Get some rest, and let’s get through today

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I said the same thing today, then burst out crying. I haven’t cried like that, it’s because I love so much that it hurts too much.

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I agree. I don’t want to be cynical but there’s millions of as*holes out in the world who cause all kinds of trouble. There’s so many people doing drugs, selling drugs and doing criminal things as a way of life. And they just don’t care who they hurt or who’s lives they ruin, they are just out for themselves.
Of course there’s lots of nice people too. But there’s so many people causing so much trouble.

And then look at you. You’re just trying to solve your physical and mental challenges. You don’t sound like you want to harm anyone or cause any trouble. Why should you hate yourself? You’re just trying to survive the obstacles in your life that are no fault of your own.

You don’t ask for much, you just want to be treated good and you probably just want to be liked.
Hell, to be honest, personally when i first got diagnosed, if I used your reasoning I should have offed myself. But I would have been a 100% wrong. When I got sick at age 19 I wasn’t doing anything for anybody. I couldn’t function and I needed lots of help.

From age 19-22 I couldn’t support myself or do most normal things. I could barely take care of myself. My two main talents were I could take a shower and dress myself. Other than that I wasn’t doing anybody any good. i mean I should have been in the prime of life and doing a bunch of cool things. But instead I was in a hospital for 8 months.

My parents are as loyal as yours and they wanted to help me and they visited me every day for 8 months. I could have just given up and let the disease win. I had nothing. No money, no job, no girlfriend, no school, no independence, no car, no friends. But my parents didn’t give up on me. You’re lucky, you know how many times I’ve read on this forum about parents who reject their children because they become schizophrenic? Lots of times.

But your parents are trying to help you it sounds like. And they want you to get better. I mean when parents have kids, they are in it for the long haul. Parents raise they’re kids in this world knowning full well all the bad sh*t that could happen to anybody on earth. And their job is to protect their children.

You just got unlucky just like the rest of us on this forum and got this disease. It doesn’t mean that your family should desert you. You’re family, and when something bad happens in life the natural thing is for the family to pull together and help the family member who is struggling.

Yeah, I was kinda in your shoes from about 19-22 years old. I needed a lot of help. But I stuck around and eventually, I got better, in very small ways. I co-operated with doctors and took my medication and did the best i could. And eventually, with lots of help I became more independent and accomplished stuff in life.

LOts of people feel useless sometimes in their life. But some of my proudest accomplishments is eventually being able to “give back” and help my family. I helped move everyone in my family more than a dozen times. They like to travel and I housesat and took care of their pets and watered their plants a million times. I did yardwork for my whole family. When something needed to be picked up at the grocery store I got whatever they needed. I drove my sisters and my dad to the airport so many times i lost track.

I mean I know you have physical limitations but maybe in the future you will be able to help in some ways. Everybody needs help some time in their life. You just got to accept that right now you need that help. Your future might get better. When I was young my future looked like c rap. It looked hopeless. But I pulled out of it and now I’ve worked for many years and went to school and did other things. And I learned not to be a burden. I’m not saying you are a burden, I’m just speaking for myself.

IDK. I could go on. I never could have predicted that I would get better. But I did. Hell, I spent the entire 80’s in hospitals, group homes and mental health housing. That was just the way it was. I started the 90"s off pretty strong and now I’m just kind of cruising. I have my janitor job, I have my apartment. Things get pretty good sometimes.

You just got to have faith that things will get better. You have to keep trying and have faith things will get at least a little better. You’ve got your translating job, right? That’s a huge step, give yourself credit. IDK what else to say. Things get bleak sometimes, but often times get tolerable. You deserve to be on this planet as much as anyone else. And more than most. Things change, in both good and bad ways. I wish you luck and hope you get something out of this.

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I cried the other day from my injection.

U have every right 2 live @laetitia

Cheers.

I’m not working as a translator anymore because I’m a full-time student now.

I’m just paranoid and worried right now since there’s a possible homicide happening in my country and I feel like the perpetrator is mentally ill. The internet is very widely used in Korea and I’m 100% sure people are going to swear about people with mental illness on the comment section.

I’m not putting up with that cr*p. I feel scared to live.

And I feel like, with this genetic disorder, I don’t actually feel deserve to live.

I feel like no one wants me alive and people want me dead because of my disabilities. I feel like I’m just a scum of this earth. I’m 100% sure no one wants me alive anymore.

I’m ok with needing help with mobility and stuff but most people would hate me or think I’m dangerous because of my psychosis, and people would not like to be near me.

I’ve lost all faith in myself and I can’t regain it.

Maybe I’m just putting on very unhealthy amounts of self-stigma but I have no choice because it’s just how it is around the world, not just my country. No one wants to be friends with me.

Well, you know what I’m going to say: You are your own worst enemy.
And you do something else that I do all the time. You put yourself down before anyone else does. I do it all the time. It’s a coping mechanism and not a very good one.

I know life ain’t all peaches and cream and stigma does exist. But in a way, people are all alike no matter what nationality and how do you explain that many other schizophrenics have friends? If people hate the mentally ill so much, as you claim, why do many schizophrenics have friends? It’s an isolating disease but you don’t have to be a statistic. I’ve slowed down as I’ve gotten older but hell, I had friends in my thirties and forties. I’ve also worked and done many things that, as schizophrenics, we are not supposed to be able to do. You say you’ve lost faith in yourself, but I’m here to give you some of that back.

Life is tough for everyone but you are doing the opposite of what is good for you. Having friends and company is good for your mental health. That’s why you should take a chance and make a friend.

I knew a guy for six years. We were neighbors and friends and we both are schizophrenic. I was in my early twenties and he was in his thirties but we used to sit and drink coffee and talk. We happen to both be big Beatle fans too, lol. But that was our friendship. Having coffee or sitting on the front porch drinking one or two beers. Or we would walk and get a hamburger. There was a club near us and we eventually started going there to have a beer and listen to music and he was a lot braver than me and he would get up and ask a girl to dance.

Friendships don’t have to be these big, serious, dramatic emotional things that take a lot of energy and work. It can be two people talking over a cup of coffee or doing laundry at the laundromat.

I haven’t had a long term friend in about three years. But the opportunities were there and I was friendly with my housemate and the neighbors when I first moved in here three years ago. Just last week a guy at work invited me to go hiking. I hate to say it but I turned him down. I am “working on myself” and enjoying my own
company. I socialize at work and try
to be friendly to people I come into contact with during a typical day. I still may go hiking but a friend would be stifling to me right now.

Even though you have a lot of self hatred at the moment you don’t seem like a bad or obnoxious person. Hell, I would go out to coffee with you. And congrats on being a student.

The world is a lot tougher than I could ever imagined while I was growing up, but there’s still beauty in it and nice people. There’s still pockets of niceness in the world. I think you know this. I put myself down but I enjoy people.

Life ain’t going to hand me or you everything we want but everybody runs into someone who likes them. It just happens and a relationship might last 5 days or maybe last 5 years. You just got to open your mind to the possibility that there are people who like you and are lonely and want just someone to keep company with.

They wrote all the information about harming yourself in another post. You don’t need or have to hurt yourself. You think you’re a horrible person but you’re really not. You’re OK, you just got a dealt a bad hand. But you can still live. I see how nice you are when you try to help and support other people on here. But treat yourself as nice as you treat everyone else.

You deserve to live. Everything living deserves to live. You are a child of the universe, and you are sacred in the eyes of God.

I’m just really scared to open up the search engine because all people want to do when murders by sz person happens is to swear and say ■■■■ about some 500,000 sz’s living in my country, as if like we’re about to turn crazy and murder them. I’m not sz, but I feel responsible for events like that. As a mentally ill person, I feel like I should be held responsible and I get hurt when people say mean stuff. That’s all I could think about when I see people, and I assume that they’re the same people hating people like us on the Internet. I used to be more accepting of differences but since so many of these events resulted in large uproar, I’m honestly so scared to even meet people because I’m pretty much sure people are going to spread rumours and/or reject me.

I just can’t stop thinking about that- I can’t take myself away from all the hurt and stigma I’ve received over the course of 7 years.

But you’re right, I’m just not doing well atm and I just need to chill out.

update: I sent a package to a wrong address and now my dad has to go get it. I feel like he’s really upset at me and now I feel scared. I’m scared of everything- people, surroundings, life, everything. Everything feels so scary and I feel so alone.

Everyone makes mistakes. Your dad will get over it.

I’m sorry you’re feeling alone and scared right now.
Sometimes a good nights sleep will work wonders. If you’re feeling alone, reach out to your family. Like we say in AA: “We all need each other.”

My family wouldn’t be able to lend me support, and I’m not comfortable in asking for one…

I just don’t want to be a burden anymore.

I feel like I should be euthanized or executed.

I feel like I’m a criminal who has done so much harm.

I don’t feel human anymore.

Hi what’s going on, why are you feeling responsible for other people’s suffering or pain. I’m sure many in your shoes feel the same way, and thats because you’re human. Think of all the people you inspire by working on yourself and being here.

I am hoping that you are able to see this. Sorry you are going through a hard time.