I don't care

I have lost all will to live. I only sporadically think about suicide now but let’s be honest, what’s the point if you have no zest for life. I don’t know how to change. I’m on risperidone and I have no motivation. I am overweight and do not exercise. Only cooking for my roommates gives me positive emotions.

I know the way to fighting suicidal ideation, but I don’t even have the will to do that.

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dear Gwen, seek that which gives you hope? flowers? a sunset? family? friends? I have tried suicide twice and I am so glad I am still alive…perhaps get off the risperidone? I hope you find something to hold on to…we care about you.


Ohhh honey. Have some tea with honey. Put your feet up and watch your favorite movie. It will be ok. Promise.


I’d really like to be off risperidone but my voices become very aggressive because my temper is short. I get so angry it’s unbearable, at the voices and at those who violated me.

Nothing gives me hope anymore except perhaps nature. I don’t believe in God, I joke I believe in my voices more than I believe in God.

That’s what I desire to have back: hope

just ask your pdoc? I’m on fluphenazine and I don’t have voices but I hear seroquil is good for voices? not much help I realized…sorry you are suffering.

I am grateful for a kind word. My ex-husband never wants me to speak of my upset and my roommate isn’t very easy to talk to

aww Gwen I am so sorry to hear that…I do hope you will find peace somehow…I would let your pdoc know you are really depressed and that you need a change in meds…


That’s too bad you don’t have more things going on in your life. You’re a pretty girl, you should have a guy friend to take you places. Maybe find some small things in life to make you happy and get you going. Do some things that will recharge your batteries to get you some hope. Being in nature sounds like a great start.


Sometimes it helps me to remember just how grand and beautiful the universe and life are. Such complexity. It allows me to appreciate the one life I do get. In a world like this there is always more to learn and to do.

Granted I spend pretty much all day staring at a screen. Music and stand up comedy on youtube. Do you like George Carlin or Louis CK. It’s all on there for free.

You are still young. A lot can change. I know where youre coming from sometimes the suicidal thoughts are just there. Be strong. They’ll pass.

Best of luck. Keep us updated.


You’ll be alright


I’d just like something to believe in. The voices and schizophrenia has taken So much.

I think the problem stems from my self-hate because I am ashamed of my accomplishments.
I feel like such a failure. 2 divorces, bachelor in accounting but no job, being unhealthy, inability to commit, need for medication, stuff like that

don’t look back Gwen…tomorrow is a new day…? I can’t look back anymore. I am divorced too and I know how that can really drain oneself. Pamper yourself with a new haircut or something? I don’t know.


I do think the universe is grand and beautiful, even in its horror . I suppose I should fight my paranoia and get out and photograph


That is life with this illness. Don’t entertain this guilt. You survived what would kill a lot of people if they had been in your place.

I’d try to believe in yourself. You’ll continue to adjust to the illness if you try.

You’ve got many many years left here. You could take up painting or drawing or writing…

It’s never to late. Maybe a trip to someplace scenic or a good look at the night sky.

it’s still a beautiful world.


What a great idea. I used to sit outside and watch the sky on bare feet


GO boating… or even just swimming. Feel the complexity of this place. The comfort of being a part of it.

I haven’t mentioned this yet but I agree with Jukebox that you could try new meds or dosage.

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Do it again…!

I love looking at the night sky. Unfortunately the view is no good here in town, but it still has some effect. It’s liek a giant particle and were just little fissures or soemthing.

Thanks for the support. I guess I needed to hear that good side of people.

I was panicked today because my depression is coming back. I take 40 mg of celexa so I’m at the limit as far as I know. Without celexa, I am morbidly fascinated with my own mortality.

I’m better now.